Categories
Negotiating Work politics

Shut up to get ahead

Update: This post was also published at Damsels in Success.

We all want things in life. Perhaps it’s joining the Peace Corps or maybe it’s grinding on the dance floor with your date. Whatever it is, you have to persuade and influence others to get what you want. There’s one secret to persuasion:

Shut up.

Simply be quiet. And listen.

People don’t care about your opinion anyway. They care about their own opinions. They care about themselves first and moving their own agenda forward. Your agenda can be the leader of the pack. You start by listening.

Lobbyists are particularly good at the art of persuasion. We should all become lobbyists in our lives, in fact. They “are masters at conversations with outcome wrapped into them.” Lobbyists listen. They sit back and observe a situation. Acutely and actively. They have a slew of tools up their sleeve, but rarely use any, preferring instead to painstakingly craft a new tool for each project. The right tool.

This is because every situation and every person is unique. Lobbyists have been doing for years what the mass consumer market is now clamoring to figure out – customization of an experience or interaction. It’s no secret I want to feel special. You want to feel special. We all do. Someone listening to you or me is the easiest way to get our hearts swelling and smiles spreading.

Lobbyists are stealthy creatures, but they don’t lie. They can’t. There is no negotiating power if you lie. Instead, you have to make the truth as attractive as possible. You must minimize negative or potentially harmful situations. While your target is becoming warm and fuzzy inside, position yourself for the win. Learn all you can about the other person, and then use it.

Exhibit the strengths of your proposition so the other party feels good about their decision. Make it so that they would be doing more harm than good by disagreeing with you.

The outcome is one in which everyone is happy, the effervescent win-win.

We’re all racing towards the finish line, clutching the books of our opinions and hopes and desires to our chests, eager to claim first prize. Good lobbyists know every crinkle in the paper, every smear of ink. They know the pages you threw away containing the sordid details of your affair. They pick up the sheets that fly out of your tunnel vision, as you rush haphazardly towards the end. They know what you’ve underlined and what you haven’t even written yet. And they use all of this information so that when you cross the line in fifth place, you’re still ecstatic to have been part of the game.

To get what you want, to be a good lobbyist, you have to understand the rules of this game so well that you can manipulate how the race ends, and what it means to win. To get ahead:

1) First, listen.
2) Observe.
3) Use it.
4) Everyone wins.

All ears, baby.

Categories
Personal branding Time management

The best time-management advice. Ever.

I recently asked Dan Schawbel, personal branding guru, how he gets everything done: “I don’t know how I do it at this point, but I’m passionate about what I do so I make it happen. Is that a fair answer?”

Not only is that a fair answer, but it’s the best time-management advice. Ever.

Dan, just 23 years old, has launched his Personal Branding magazine today. I strongly recommend you head on over to his website to download the PDF for $12.95. All proceeds benefit the American Cancer Society. I’ve downloaded my copy which is chock-full of valuable information from an interview with Donald Trump, to a slew of guest articles that tell you how to reach your full branding potential.

Trust me, you’ll want advice from this “personal branding force of nature.” Go on. Go see for yourself.

Brand passion.

Categories
Career Community Generation X Generation Y Place

The power of place – What do you think?

It was a few months ago when I thought I might leave Madison, WI to move to Chicago where my boyfriend lived. Long story short, I went to visit him, we broke up, and I rode home on the bus, trying to decipher all that had happened in such a short weekend.

When I got home, however – poof! Everything was okay.

As if the city had enveloped me in between its two lakes and brought the east and west side together to meet, and there in the middle, I stood, a bright light shining like a fool, excited merely just to be home. If I were a pedestrian approaching, I would have crossed the street to avoid me. Definitely.

Back to normalcy, I now sit outside a coffee shop. The sun is shining and the sound of cars accelerating from the intersection is absorbed by the tall trees in front of the street. A bicycle’s gears coast down the sidewalk while flip flops playfully smack the pavement. I’ve pulled up my pant legs and the denim folds uncomfortably around my knees. A group of suits has moved their meeting to this coffee shop and the woman across from me acts as a mirror: laptop out, papers on the table, sunglasses propped atop her head. A few blocks away, State Street is alive with its teenagers shopping and homeless begging and street performers entertaining.

A breeze arrives on my back and spreads to my arms just when the sun is too warm. The breeze brings with it the freshness of the lakes and the aroma of sundrenched grass. I breathe in, deeply now, and I smell my lotion, with the unmistakable hint of sun block, and then slightly, delicately, the smell of fresh flowers. A bus squeaks to a stop and a motorcycle guzzles loudly past. There is a dog sprawled underneath a table with a man – a musician? – who writes on one slice of yellow notebook paper with two glasses of water sitting next to him.

This is Madison and it’s the city that I love. And I sit here and wonder how I could consider leaving something I love.

Madison defines who I am. I live here because it shows me where I was, who I am, and where I will go. There is much discussion on the influence of Generation Y and Generation X on the workforce, but attention is increasingly being shined on the power of place. Two-thirds of college-educated young adults 25-34, in fact, say they will pick a place to live first. Work comes second.

Certainly for me, place has become the nascent factor over other odds such as timing, stress, and responsibility. As careers take a back seat to relationships, and as it becomes easier to connect with those we care about, it is place that drives our decisions.

You’ve chosen your place to live for a multitude of good reasons. Your city is working really hard to keep you there. Now, why do you live there in the first place? How did you choose? Do you put place before work? Relationships? What are you going to do to give back? How can you, or do you, contribute to your city? Who or what keeps you there?

Let me know your ideas in the comments!

Keeping it in the ‘hood.