Phyllis R. Neill, http://www.shementor.com

It’s never easy to remain true to yourself. As you said, I’m a member of the least marginalized group, and yet I still struggle.

@ Bubba – Fabulous comment! I couldn’t have said it better myself. I especially liked that you drew the distinction between actually having an edge, and just being strong.

@ Sally – great observations. It’s true that I don’t get inappropriate comments by my age peers in the workplace. They are often the ones giving me (bad) advice though… Hm.

@ Dan – I appreciate your perspective and honesty, but I’m smart enough to know the difference when there is confusion between the sexes and when someone is disrespecting me. It’s easy to be true to yourself when you’re part of the least marginalized group.

I was running a board meeting recently and at one point during the discussion, I turned to a board member and commanded “write that down.”

A few of the board members began to laugh at me. When I questioned why they were laughing, one girl responded “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say that could have been the most sexist thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

I pled ignorant to the accusation. After looking over, I realized that the person I told to write down the idea, just happened to be a women. In all honesty, I only saw her as the closest person with a pen. But, taken out of context, it was a man, barking a command at a women.

I cleared the air with the would-be-offended board member. She was new, so I asked her if she felt the comment, or the manner in which it was delivered, was demeaning. She assured me it wasn’t.

In my example, it was a perfect reenactment of a sexist moment, that had more to do with my impatience at the time then it did anything else.

But it calls into question some of the items mentioned above. I am by no means justifying the comments, but I would be willing to bet that these people don’t feel they did anything wrong. They may have even thought they were being helpful by mentioning such advice. #2 reads like something my father’s generation might say. Because they grew up during a time when the general consensus was, women want to be told that they’re beautiful before all else.

Still it’s common knowledge that the company’s culture is a paradigm most influenced by the leaders. Some of those leaders are “old school men.” Almost every company I’ve worked in had an “old boys club.” And I found it frustrating when women assumed that because I was upper management, I was also a part of that culture.

I’m a white male. I’m a member of the group who’s responsible for all the evil in the world right? I know I’m not sexist, or any other ‘ist for that matter. There isn’t a man or women on earth that needs to tell me that. I let my actions define me. Whether I’m the minority member of my class, or an up-and-coming majority, it sucks to be lumped in with Hitler and the boss who puts his hand up the leg of his secretary.

Being a young leader means you have to be adaptable. You don’t talk to your daughter, mother and grandmother all the same way. They’re all female. Leaders need to know how to communicate to their audience and adjust the message not the meaning or who they are as a person.

On another note, if each of these numbered items are based on advice you’re getting from actual people, then I’d look for some new advice givers. Toss out the garbage, just because they appear to be the authority on such subjects doesn’t make it so. They’re preaching the “old ways” by which women openly operated to get ahead in corporate America. I’m sure it’s going to take some time before these people retire.

There’s always going to be confusion between the sexes. In my opinion Scott nailed this one, be true to yourself, disregard the shoes, they no more accurately define who you are then that momentary lapse in judgement we’re all bound to have.

On the issue of sexual harassment, I deal with inappropriate comments regularly, usually along the lines of #2, or just about my looks – these are the most insulting. Thankfully, these comments have never come from anyone in my direct chain of command. They tend to come from men old enough to be my father, while the 20-30′s crowd is generally tend to view intelligent, attractive (or not) young women as equals. My hope is that as these men age in the work force, their attitudes towards women will not change.

I really enjoyed the comment from Norcross about older women having a harder edge because they have (potentially) been exposed to more sexism in the workplace. People whom overcome adversity are often seen as being stronger individuals; they are no longer naive to how cruel the world can be. While many men are seen as strong leaders from this, women tend to be pigeoned holed into the catagory of ‘having a chip’ on their shoulder, or being a bitch when they exhibit the same characteristics of their male counterparts.

But, from my experience, I must say that todays generation faces much less sexism then our predecessors becuase they have made it easier for todays female generation to get ahead. They’ve already ‘paid the dues’ for our gender.

Great post!