29 Comments

Blogging, Generation Y, Self-management

What Generation Y fears the most

posted by Rebecca Thorman  ////  May 28

Note: This post was originally published on my first blog, Modite, and is now archived here.

Some might say Emily Gould is a twenty-six year old attention-craving narcissist. But I empathize with her. Nay, after reading her cover article in the New York Times magazine, I adore her (via Penelope Trunk).

Then I read the response. So not worthy of the New York Times the commenters declared in unison. Obviously. Because the world is so much cooler, smarter, and better-looking than Emily Gould.

Which is sad because if Emily Gould’s voice – a voice for bloggers everywhere or merely for herself – is muffled in the world than the world is going to get a lot more lonely.

But there are so many other things to pay attention to. So many other very important things, commenters lamented to the Times.

And maybe therein lies part of the problem.

Generation Y is generally not able to recognize themselves in these very important things – not war, or terror, economic crisis, or the general misery and abyss that too often characterizes the world today.

To be sure, we are eventually ushered into the real world where thoughts of changing the world are fastidiously and mechanically hampered down by those somehow deemed smarter and more experienced than us. It’s called entering the workforce, and it is an experience that only furthers the distance between us and the issues that matter.

Such an evolution is chronicled online within the blog posts of Ryan Healy and Ryan Paugh, authors of Employee Evolution and co-founders of Brazen Careerist. They are the self-proclaimed voices of the millennial generation.

Once proud and insistent of all that an online community could do and accomplish, Healy and Paugh are now immersed and defined by the culture they once espoused. As such, the reality of what an online community is and can actually accomplish is setting in, for better or worse. If you’ve followed them from the early days, you can tell – real life has entered their posts. That is, the reality of doing something meaningful is ridiculously difficult.

You might substitute family or environmental activism or accounting for online community – whatever your passion and dreams consist of – and should you pursue these ideals, you might find they’re not all they were cracked up to be.

Wait. If I sound too much like the big bad wolf of Gen X in Gen Y’s clothing, please let me set the record straight. I drink the Gen Y kool-aid on a daily basis. I do believe in hope, idealism, fantastical dreams and change beyond our imagination.

I was brought up in all that is sweet and sugary. In a world where some fear their shoelace being caught in a landmine, the worst thing that has ever happened to me is my father’s death. A kind of tragedy that I wouldn’t understand until the day after it happened, and the day after that, and each and every day after that. I wouldn’t understand how much my life would be defined by the lack of his.

But I’ve never been raped or abused. Or had a drug problem, or anorexia, bulimia or obesity. I’ve only experienced heartbreak once, maybe twice. I’ve never been shot at or tormented. I’ve never worried about putting food on the table or a roof over my head.

Really, I lead a charmed life. I’m not being sarcastic. I’m being serious. I feel incredibly lucky.

And so when I write about how sad or happy or anxious or ecstatic I am, it’s because I’m trying to figure out how to use this charmed life for the best possible result. How can I build a life that is meaningful?

Because I’ve been trying really hard, and what once seemed like an upward arc towards significance has come back down full circle.

I think this is the great unspoken truth about Generation Y.

We’re terrified our lives won’t matter.

Should Generation Y have a downfall, it will be that we engage in far too much navel-gazing, yes, but also that others don’t recognize the importance of such introspection. The backlash against Emily Gould, and that what she represents is somehow not important demeans the individual experience that defines the collective identity.

That’s why blogging is so important for Generation Y. Because when I read Emily Gould’s experience, I recognize myself. And when someone reads what I wrote, they see themselves.

When we make one person’s struggle less than another, we put down our own struggle as unimportant. And it’s really important to figure out ourselves. If I’ve learned anything over the past year, it’s that people react most violently against what they fear the most. And people fear some weird stuff – success, happiness, failure, love. You know.

But if you don’t agree with that, and I wouldn’t expect everyone to, let me tell you something else. You can disagree without malice or hatred. You can disagree without judgment.

It’s this thing called respect.

And I think that’s a good starting point to building a meaningful life.

Hopeless. Romantic.

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  • http://nathanbowers.com Nathan Bowers

    The problem with Emily Gould’s NYTimes piece is that it’s so self serving. Yes we all experience life through our own filters, but at least *try* to make your story enlightening rather than a pity party.

  • http://www.quietthethunder.blogspot.com Milena Thomas

    Rebecca,

    I agree whole-heartedly. I thought Emily’s piece was stunning. She displayed her vulnerability, recognizing that at times her personal traumas were self-made and self-serving, at times rewarding, and at times destructive.

    Nathan, I disagree that her piece was a pity party. It was a personal narrative, therefore focused inwardly, but it was a damn good one. I, for one, found it incredibly enlightening.

    I did comment on P-Trunk’s blog that I draw a line with revealing things about my personal life, where too much information teeters on the border of sensationalism – but a skilled author can weave meaning from personal experience, where as others come across as verbally heaving onto the page for shock value.

  • http://www.psiplex.com Psiplex

    Personally, I don’t think I experienced any real growth until I was confronted with life with my band mates. The empathy and concern for persons outside of my own bubble was the first step to realizing how life is not about only you.

    As Emily was cozy and safe, so too was my bubble view of the world and people. The most significant thing to have happened for the scales to fall off was the pure human interaction of the band in its struggles for identity. All that befell us and all we achieved we did together. Messy and beautiful, we all were awarded an understanding of how precious our lives are, how wonderful friendship is and how unimportant it is to satisfy and feed an ego. More joy and life in giving rather than taking and boasting about it.

  • http://www.thejenson.com Jennifer Robinson

    I have to disagree with the stereotype that all of us Gen Y people had their parents paying for everything. I didn’t have that and neither did many people I know. Many do– but I don’t think it’s something that completely defines our generation. I think it’s something that people have said on the Millennial blog circuit but I have to disagree with the statement.

  • http://www.crystal-d.com/crystal-d-awards-trophies-blog/ Nocat

    With all that being said. A informative view of the way the world will be ! from a Gen Yer, post over at Crystal-d on how Generation Y will fundamentally change corporate America. It is already started. Managing Gen Y is the hot topic among consultants, Human Resource executives and talent management professionals.

  • http://modite.com/blog Rebecca Thorman

    @ Nathan – Thanks for the comment. I think my arguement is that should she have not shared her experience, that that would have been self-serving. The act of telling stories is as old as life itself, and if we miss out on that tradition because we don’t think the story is important enough, I think we’ll miss some big life lessons. I’m curious. What would have made her article enlightening?

    @ Milena – I agree that a personal narrative can help illuminate other’s experiences. In fact, what’s going on personally will often impact your entire life, as Gould’s narrative illustrated. Part of the reason I was so surprised by the response is because it seems Gen Y is blurring those lines between personal and work, but I suppose Gen Y wasn’t the only commenters on the article ; )

    @ Psiplex – Thanks for sharing your story! It sounds like your time with the band has been a great thing for you. I don’t think that it is all that different from Gould’s though. It is only through the interaction with others – her boyfriend, friends and family – that she was able to better learn who she is.

    @ Jennifer – I’m confused, because I didn’t say that. In fact, I wrote a whole post a couple months ago about how to succeed when you’re not middle-class, because I didn’t grow up middle-class. I just meant that since I’ve graduated school, I’ve been lucky enough to have jobs and haven’t had to worry about food or shelter in the sense that those without the same opportunities would. Does that make sense?

    @ Nocat – Absolutely. But you have to remember not everyone is drinking the Gen Y kool-aid or agreeing with our values. I think that the response to Gould’s article would have been quite different if that was the case.

  • http://www.threesixtyalliance.com Lisa Gates

    Rebecca, old farts have always placed their hopes on the young, the up and coming, but what’s different about Gen Y is how vocal and utterly, beautifully adamant they are about walking the talk and how many of them are working right inside the change factories and don’t know it.

    In the workshops I hold — marrying purpose with livelihood — where Gen Y are most often stuck is believing that the job they’re in (not the one they’re gonna get someday) is where their work can and should begin. Love the one you’re with before you ditch it kinda thing.

    The daunting piece, as you’ve said, is repeatedly hitting the brick wall of “this is the way it is” and still be able to sustain one’s vision and commitment. When passion and transparency are met with cynicism, it’s like getting hit in the gut with a hammer.

    The prescriptive may be more, not less, navel gazing, yes, but perhaps also living with the mantra, “who said it was going to be easy?”

    The world is, quite literally, dying for us to show up.

  • Linda

    I loved Emily Gould’s post and your take on it.

    Growing up without your father was a challenge that few could have risen above so well. The missing half of you was a painful constant loss and daily challenge.

    You may lead a charmed, lucky life, but it’s due to your persistent hard work, dedication to learning, and respect and selflessness toward others. These are definitely the building blocks to your already meaningful life.

  • http://ushopthereforeiblog.typepad.com/ushop_therefore_iblog/ Kiersten

    Rebecca,

    I completely agree with your post. I read all 10 pages of Emily’s article and I did feel a connection to her. I’m still confused as to why people are so turned off that the article is still all about her–She wrote it! It’s HER story! Why wouldn’t it be??

    At the end of the day, every nation is led by people and last I checked, people feel.

    There are lessons of addiction, remorse, vulnerability, and dishonesty that ultimately LEAD to the “bigger issues” in the world, sewn in between her paragraphs. It frustrates me that so few people are able to translate that into meaning for the masses. Thank you for your post!

  • http://www.employeeevolution.com Ryan Healy

    Hi Rebecca. This is an interesting post, and thanks for the shout out. You’re right, I believe the “real world” has entered our posts, we’ve learned a ton since we started, we’ve talked with people of all ages, and gotten amazing feedback. Now we’re immersed in living and being the change that we hope to create.

    Every generation and every person must first start with a sense of idealism before they can begin building. If there is no vision, even if its crazy or different, then there is no place to start. I believe we, as a generation are idealistic, for now. This is step one. Step two is to work toward our goals. If we never get to step two, then step one is just a bunch of hot air.

    We can all drink the “Gen Y kool aid” but we all need a dose of reality. And like you say, that reality is that being the change you hope to create is not easy. And it certainly will not happen over night.

    Everyone should have a certain sense of idealism, but if its not mixed with a bit of realism, its useless. Even though it may seem like it now, I truly believe that this is what will define Gen Y; our ability to do, not just our ability to talk.

  • http://modite.com/blog Rebecca Thorman

    @ Lisa – your comment really touched me and I think you illuminated some of the issues better than I could. I completely empathized with everything you said, and feel better that I’m not alone in feeling this kind of thing. Thank you!

    @ Linda – I hope so. The hard work seems like too much sometimes, but I will keep on, keepin on ; )

    @ Kiersten – Absolutely. I agree that behind every group is an individual, and that these emotions that individuals feel influence all of these big-picture issues. Thanks for the comment!

    @ Ryan – Thanks for the comment. I think the challenge will be if we can hold onto our idealism once we drink all those doses of reality. As Lisa says though, Gen Y is adamant about walking the talk. That will define us.

  • jrandom42

    “I think this is the great unspoken truth about Generation Y.

    We’re terrified our lives won’t matter.”

    Then start making the change around you. Start with your family, friends, neighbors and community. Most people can’t change the whole world, but almost anyone can make a difference in changing a small piece of it around them. You want a life of meaning? What can have more meaning than making a positive difference with people close to you and change you can see? Drive the change you want to see happening.

    All major change starts as local change. Once people see that it’s making a noticible positive difference, it starts becoming adopted more widely.

  • http://blog.davewrites.com Dave Atkins

    My GenX take here…I don’t think GenY has a monopoly on the fear you describe. I’ve been hearing the “to those who have been given much, much is expected” speech for years and it strikes me that many, many high achieving individuals of all ages are driven by a fear of insignificance. Is this all there is? Then I must find more. It can be a fear of happiness…if I’m happy, then maybe I will “settle” and stop trying…or a fear of stability “I’m too comfortable–ugh!” But I guess you are saying it is more widespread among Gen Y?

    Re Emily Gould…I don’t have any real criticism of her, and maybe I’m a bit jealous that she got 10 pages to tell her story, but what she writes about has been written about before. I did something similar on my first blog She’d probably find that as boring as I found her story.

    You do capture the “why” …why we are compelled to bare our souls in public. We want to matter. And sometimes, by throwing it out there, the embarrassment of it all pushes us to do more than write…to take control of our lives and figure out what to do to matter.

  • http://www.brazencareerist.com/2008/05/29/these-modern-times-with-blogging-comes-the-risk-of-exposing-your-life/ These Modern Times: With Blogging Comes the Risk Of Exposing Your Life : Brazen Careerist

    [...] or how much of their lives have been invested in their blogs. Gould’s article has stirred up fears and [...]

  • James Ray Enthusiast

    A really interesting discussion of not only generational issues, but of personal ones, as well. I’d like to share my thoughts on something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently.
    I have been a huge fan of James Ray’s material since I first heard him speak a few years ago. He’s the author of The Science of Success, which helped me get my second business started two years ago, but I am even more excited about his newest book, Harmonic Wealth. I’ve attended the Harmonic Wealth Weekend twice now and I am so grateful that James wrote a book about the ideas that he teaches in the weekend.
    Harmonic Wealth is about being wealthy in all areas of your life and not just working to be rich or successful. I’ve done pretty well in business all of my life, but until learning about the idea of Harmonic Wealth, I never paid much attention to my spirituality. I can’t even tell you what a difference meditation has made for my life. I’m healthier, happier, and I just hired five new employees. I swear that I never realized how successful I could be until I starting paying some attention to the other areas of my life. Now I’m making even more money and stressing less. Harmony in ALL AREAS.
    Please read this book: harmonicwealth.com/read
    - Harmoic Wealth Fan

  • http://tiffanymonhollon.com/blog Tiffany Monhollon

    It’s funny to see some of that same stuff – confusion, disrespect, and even animosity – that marked the comments on Emily’s post popping up here, in different posts, much of the time. WARNING: I feel a soap box moment is coming on.

    It has to be said once and for all: the characteristics that define our generation are NOT mutually exclusive. And we know that just because we experienced certain things that molded and shape us does not mean anyone else, ever, at any other time, has not experienced similar things.

    The discussion about what makes us unique as a generation, all these pieces and parts, is so holistic that it’s petty and a waste of time for people to pick at the value of the discussion like a scab, simply because they seem to assume our generation thinks we are isolated in all these realities.

    We know everyone else had to deal with 9/11; everyone who is alive now can participate in social media; people of all ages are privy to the availability of education – etc. etc. etc.

    Isn’t this conversation, at its heart, a way not to seperate people, but to bring us together, by understanding each other, and what makes us tick?

    Maybe everyone doesn’t see themselves or their experience in Emily Gould, or in you, Rebecca, and that’s ok, because what is important is that you are sharing your experiences to begin with – for yourself, for the world, for whoever will listen.

    Thank you for the courage to keep writing your story, even in the face of such ridiculous criticism.

  • http://dearjanesample.wordpress.com/ Jane Sample

    Thank for you for writing about Emily Gould. I am really enjoying her article … but I had to go back and finish your post first!

    The way in which Emily describes her blogging experience really resonates with me. As a blogger I’ve gotten some nasty backlash too, but being anonymous helps you to have some distance with allows you to be truly free in your writing.

  • http://tiffanymonhollon.com/blog/2008/07/01/the-bloglife-balancing-act-learn-to-lean-a-little/ The Blog/Life Balancing Act – Learn to Lean a Little at Personal PR

    [...] out who to build our lives around. Starting families, careers, marriages. Looking for meaning, change, [...]

  • http://tiffanymonhollon.com/blog/2008/08/15/use-your-voice-to-make-a-difference/ Use Your Voice to Make a Difference at Personal PR

    [...] Because a really important tenent of Personal PR is that when you have a voice, you can use it. [...]

  • http://generationbreakthrough.com Tiffany Ford

    I’ve been reading your blog for sometime now, and I love that you have the guts to discuss some new controversial issues. This articles is full if great subject matter. Awesome work.

    It’s really poignant when you say, “It’s called entering the workforce, and it is an experience that only furthers the distance between us and the issues that matter.”
    Our generation needs to try our best not to let our jobs get in the way of our passions and goals, no matter how hard the fight is. We all want to make our jobs work with our passions and goals, and I believe we can if we stop thinking in the old Gen X or Boomer mindset. Older people are not going to like it, or understand it, just like they don’t understand Emily Gould. But we have to demand respect, and forge new paths with out without their support.

    Progress is our responsibility, and we’ll just be kicking ourselves in 20 years if we don’t take advantage of our idealism, motivation, and networking developments like our online communities. Sure it gets tough and frustrating, and we need to take a break every now and then. But if we all think outside the box together, and stop trying to fit into the traditional mindset of the workforce, then we have a better chance of making a difference.

  • http://n/a marc livanos

    Emily’s post?

    Don’t you mean Emily Post?

    Cheers,
    Marc

  • http://n/a marc livanos

    Then delete the extra comments, sil vous plait!

    Cheers,
    Marc

  • http://tiffanymonhollon.com/blog/2008/10/01/dare-you-to-stop/ Dare You to Stop. at Personal PR

    [...] dare to stop, and let your emotion create the motion that defines your life. Live a life that matters. Now, today. Don’t [...]

  • http://www.aubreysanchez.com/?p=311 Some link love

    [...] keep up with a blog called Modite. It is a blog dedicated to Gen-Y. This and this are a few posts I read this morning. I think it will resonate with many. Enjoy! Like [...]

  • http://modite.com/blog/2009/01/13/the-four-truths-of-blog-and-social-networks-to-use-to-your-advantage/ Modite by Rebecca Thorman – The four truths of blog and social networks to use to your advantage

    [...] to all of our writing – words that we have toiled over until 2:00 am and let sit until 2:37 am just to feel motivated and confident enough to even publish – that we should reap grand rewards. That just by giving away permission to our [...]

  • http://modite.com/blog/2009/02/24/how-to-deal-with-a-bad-boss/ How to deal with a bad boss | Modite

    [...] participation, empathy and respect towards your boss will be reflected in how your boss treats you. Try reverence for a [...]

  • http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/28/3-ways-to-turn-weaknesses-into-strengths/ 3 ways to turn weaknesses into strengths | Modite

    [...] really, what do I know. I didn’t grow up with an example of a good relationship. Ryan did. My father died when I was in second grade. His parents are still together. My examples were happy endings. His [...]

  • http://www.andydrish.com/2009/03/16/being-the-speaker-and-the-youngest-person-in-the-room/ Being the Speaker… And the Youngest Person in the Room || AndyDrish.com

    [...] shows humility and it’s a joke that won’t offend anyone.  Plus, our generation is different.  We might as well make fun of [...]

  • http://cops2point0.com/2009/10/04/how-authentic-is-your-recruitment-message/ Cops 2.0 » Blog Archive » How authentic is your recruitment message?

    [...] in the world. But it’s also a cynical generation, needing “proof” of this impact. As one opinion put it, “We’re terrified our lives won’t [...]

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