I could not agree more.

There’s usually always a reason to be nice, but NEVER put an employer’s needs above your own. The employer will ALWAYS get more value from you staying in a bad position than you will get from leaving at a very inopportune time.

Thank god someone finally said this, although I fear it may add to the “Millennials think the older generations can suck it” mentality. Partly true, but also partly that we have better things to do than sit around in a meaningless job, doing meaningless work, for people who don’t respect us or our ideas.

Burn baby burn!

-Nick Armstrong
PsychoticResumes.com

I don’t entirely agree with this. Some industry sectors are undergoing enormous consolidation. You may leave your employer for a more interesting firm, only to find it gobbled up by your former company. Every consolidation involves layoffs. You may find yourself a loser in the layoffs if your former boss still has influence.

Thank God! I was recently laid off because of budget cuts and I wondered if it would be beneficial to keep in touch with my old bosses. I’m thankful to hear an argument that tells me I don’t have to. Although I was told that my situation had nothing to do with performance issues, it’s still kind of awkward for me to consider relying on them as mentors or references.

(And yes, in the meeting when they told me I was being let go, my supervisor pleaded with me to use them as mentors. Can you even imagine how weird that was for me, especially considering the fact that I intend on pursuing a completely different line of work? )

I mean, I do not want to remain bitter with them because of the way it ended, because either way it was for the best. And bitterness isn’t healthy. But I don’t really want to hold onto the baggage either. I’m happy to reassured in this.

Burning bridges is much different from cutting ties – you can’t put the two phrases in the same context

I have to agree with Unbalanced Libra – burning bridges and cutting ties aren’t the same things. Think of it as a relationship with a significant other: I am still friends with a few of my ex’s, most don’t think twice about me (and vise versa), and one of them still wishes I was dead. I cut ties with all of them, but burned the bridge with just one of them. Can you guess which one?

What you described in your post doesn’t come across as burning a bridge at all. I don’t see the flames in walking away and moving on.

[...] Original post by Modite by Rebecca Thorman [...]

I tend to agree with Libra — it’s one thing to make a decision not to stay in touch. It’s entirely different to badmouth a previous employer or throw your co-workers under the bus.

You can neglect your bridges, but actively burning them is still bad form.

The world is getting smaller, not bigger. You will bump into people from your old team somewhere down the road. Not only that, but if you’re at all active online your circle of contacts will not necessarily change just because your job does. Do you think you’ll quit your job and suddenly all your coworkers will unfollow you on twitter and unsubscribe from your blog? You better hope not, that’s the whole point of building these networks which you intend to outlast your current position.

With the digital shadows we’re all casting these days, is there a such thing as a fresh start any more?

@ Nick – Ahaha, you crack me up. I love this idea of not putting your employer’s needs above your own. People don’t do this in healthy personal relationships, there’s no reason to do it in your work environment either. I hope it doesn’t add to the entitlement mentality, but provokes good dialogue. Thanks for kicking it off!

@ Peter – Good points. I hope I never work at the type of companies that just consolidate and gobble up other companies. I think though that long-term companies will become smaller, not larger, and that the new generation of workers and Gen Y will switch careers and locations so that this won’t be an issue. Thank you for the comment!

@ Akirah – Oh, I can so relate. I wasn’t laid off, but I had an old boss that was insistent on being my mentor. I couldn’t have thought of a worse person. On the flip side, if your old bosses were fabulous people, it’s great they wanted to help either way. Thank you for sharing your story : )

@ Unbalanced Libra – I appreciate you bringing up this distinction, but I don’t agree. When you cut ties with someone, you’re basically burning the bridge between the two of you.

@ norcross – I guess I really don’t see the difference or it’s such a minute distinction that I think what I say applies either way. Because what you perceive as one, someone else might perceive it as the other. Thanks for your input and sharing your story!

@ David – I use them interchangeably because I know that one person who would consider them the same. That cutting ties with him is burning the bridge. I don’t bad-mouth him, but I might as well. I love your ideas about small world and fresh start – I do believe that a fresh start consists of learning from your past, not ignoring it. Thanks for the comment!

[...] Modite by Rebecca Thorman placed an observative post today on â [...]

It’s so great to read something that a lot of us Gen-Yers have had on our minds but are still wondering if we’re the only ones thinking it. I worked at a daily newspaper for a while where I just got this sense that the editor hated me. We just didn’t click; we were not on the same wavelength; our energies were off. Whatever you want to call it — it was one of those situations where you pretend to like the person the whole time you’re working there and then are so grateful when you don’t have to deal with them anymore.

Lo and behold, I still used that job to get a subsequent job as an editor — but I didn’t need that jerk guy as a reference. Instead, I used a front page clip I got from that job and a reference from elsewhere. It’s all about combining your best assets/resources. There really are ways around making 100% of your old bosses your allies — and jeez, wouldn’t that be a lot of work anyway? — and I’m glad you got this message out there in such an eloquent way.

Hey Rebecca. Great post.

I think the point that I struggle with is ‘will my old boss help me or not? Hypothetically speaking, even if I leave on decent terms, will me quitting a job be taken personally by my former employer – and if so, does it even matter on what terms I leave?

It seems like the days of the reference are fading away. Why? Because when you leave somewhere, when you ‘quit on someone’ their ego takes a hit, they shut down and put up this ‘screw you’ mentality. I know there are exceptions to every rule here – and some bosses will gladly embrace and even help you further your career elsewhere, but on the flip side, it seems like more and more employers aren’t willing to help when you show a ‘lack of loyalty’ by quitting. It’s somewhat of a double edged sword – I’m interested to hear what you think about this.

Thanks a lot Rebecca! This is very liberating advice. I’ve been holding onto some unhealthy contacts as a result of my perceived obligation. Now, I can see how I was deluding myself into the antiquated practice.

What a great way to start the week — I feel refreshed!

@ Amy – I love your story and how it illustrates that your work is what matters and will help you gain success ultimately. Thanks for sharing!

@ Matt – Fabulous points and issues to bring up. I think especially nowadays there is this perceived notion that younger workers are less loyal than older generations and this does create a lot of unnecessary politics in the workplace. While I doubt most managers would give you a bad reference if you did a good job, it does illustrate the conflict many of us feel.

@ Tim – Great! I’m so glad to have made your Monday bright. Thanks for the comment.

Agreed, there’s no harm in not kissing butt to someone you don’t work with anymore and never got along with in the first place. It’s extremely unwise to just storm out of the office or slander the company on your facebook page but there’s no harm in cutting ties and being unresponsive.

The only thing I disagree with is the argument that you’ll probably move anyways. Well, in today’s world it doesn’t matter where you live because people can always keep in touch and see what you’re up to. Just cause you move to a different state or even country doesn’t mean you should give the virtual finger to a company on Twitter or the likes.

Don’t look back in anger because it’s absolutely unproductive but so is maintaining relationships that aren’t beneficial towards your progress.

Rebecca, I believe you completely misunderstood my post. When I wrote the post, “Don’t you’re your bridges, “I was coming from the viewpoint that you shouldn’t use people. If you’re only coming around when you need me to help you—that’s not what I consider a relationship (personal or professional) and I will never tolerate this type of behavior. I expect to be treated with respect and if you’re only coming around when you need something then I don’t need you.

This may come as a shocker to you, but I completely agree with your post. As far as my statement, “Healthy relationships, whether personal or professional, are formed on the basis of give and take,” is true. I don’t know about you, but I’m not into having people use me (personally or professionally). FYI—I only form relationships with those who share my interests and values (this is just common sense so I really didn’t think that I needed to clarify this point but I guess it couldn’t hurt to remind people in case they don’t). Again, I was coming from a totally different angle than what you are referring too. In no way shape or form would I ever tell someone to stay in an unhealthy relationship (personal or professional) or hold their tongue back when they are being demeaned. However, if you treat people with respect in the first place, you could have avoided this whole unnecessary scenario.

I am a very vocal and direct person so believe me I have, had, and will continue to have my share of enemies and that is entirely okay with me. My dignity and self respect mean more to me than anything else in this world. So again in no way shape or form am I advocating kissing anyone’s butt (I would never tell anyone to do something I would NEVER do myself). This is very evident in my older blogposts “Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace” and “How to Speak Your Peace” and you will see that I am not the meek and lowly employee type that allows people to walk over them—I have plenty of people, former coworkers and bosses that can vouch for me.

As you stated in your comment, people’s perceptions of burning bridges are different and I was coming from a totally different angle. My take on “Don’t burn your bridges” is one of respect other people and don’t use them, not the “kiss my butt” so you can go farther in life. Trust me—these lips would never do such a thing!

I think you have a different definition of “burning bridges” than me and Libra and a few other people

Burning bridges is completely ruining a relationship by clearly and verbally cutting ties with a person, such as breaking up with a boyfriend or when you ‘dump’ a friend. If you tell a boss, “I don’t like you and your managing style,” you are effecting ending all possible future relationships.

Cutting ties is different. Cutting ties is just moving on, quietly. Perhaps you will never work with your employer again. MAYBE YOU WILL. I would never “burn bridges” with anyone unless I really, truly did not like them and wanted to avoid them at all costs.

The difference between burning bridges is that you are effectively making it impossible to ever work with a certain person ever again. I would NEVER do this unless someone has critically wronged me. Why would want to make it impossible to work or speak to someone again just because they didn’t fit in perfectly with your life plans? I think that’s awfully short sighted and you never know where you might end up later in life or WHO THAT PERSON IS GOING TO KNOW. It’s very dangerous to have that kind of negative relationship in business.

You don’t have to email the person or be Facebook friends with someone, but burning bridges can back fire and end up burning you.

@ rikin – Great points. I definitely think it’s even more dangerous to “give the virtual finger” as you say because nothing on the internet ever goes away. Thank you for the comment!

@ LaTosha – I didn’t misunderstand your post. I simply used a quote to illustrate one of my points, not the whole thing ; ) I love that you’re so vocal and that you would never kiss butt – I totally appreciate that type of person and wish I could be more like that.

@ Allison – Sometimes when you move on quietly though people perceive that as burning the bridge – I’ve had people say so. Definitely agree that you shouldn’t burn bridges unless someone has wronged you – that’s a big point of the post.

But I don’t think it’s all that dangerous to burn the bridge because “you never know when you might end up later,” etc. I don’t agree with holding on to negative or even neutral relationships if they take energy just because they “might” end up somewhere someday. I think it’s better to focus on positive relationships and count on those to move you forward. I appreciate you sharing your perspective!

I just wanted to make sure because I didn’t want people thinking that I was advocating kissing butt is the way to get ahead in life. Had I not known the person who made this comment (me), it would have left me with the impression that they were advocating “kissing butt,” which in my book is not cool. I forgot to mention that this was a great post and find it is refreshing to encounter those who subscribe to the speak your peace and forget let the chips fall where they may type of mentality. Life is too short to spend it with people who insist on holding you back.

This post brings a really fresh perspective–and completely emphasizes how the changing workplace has created different protocols for Gen Y as opposed to the Babyboomer.

The whole idea of “never burning your bridges” is one that I remember my parents drilling into me everytime I even contemplated leaving a position, and is something even now I am cognizant of, especially when I left my last position due to budget cuts. A week after ending employment, I was still being emailed by my previous boss asking for help (free help of course). When I ignored the emails I remember my parents being shocked that I wasn’t still responding to them, saying I needed a reference, etc. But I figured it didn’t matter because I had no desire to return or work in that industry, nor particular respect the organisation.

Luckily I found a new job quickly enough through contacts (like in your post) and references from my previous employer weren’t even considered. I think the way work is moving, it is about word-of-mouth and connections that you make for yourself, which say a lot more about you and your ambitions than a previous employer.

Such untimely and confusing advice certainly deserves a response.

This post’s title is wildly confusing in consideration to the point you’re making. You are completely off in your estimation of what it means to burn bridges. Did you do this on purpose just to provoke response or are you honestly confused about the term?

People that matter know that people leave jobs. People that matter get the big picture and those that leave with professionalism are afforded the same amount of professionalism when somebody from one of these “uncool” jobs calls to get a reference.

That’s what it means to not burn bridges. Whoever said you were burning bridges by simply leaving in a professional and courteous manner and not returning is full of it and they probably don’t matter.

Don’t burn bridges by leaving unprofessionally or bad mouthing your boss. Reality may hit one of your readers and they’ll have to *gulp* work for one of these uncool places that like, totally, harshes your flow by checking references. Oh, and they may not be able to relocate because they have to live with their parents to survive.

@ LaTosha – I totally understand – I often feel misquoted too : ) I’m glad you enjoyed the post!

@ Jennifer – Thanks so much for sharing your story – it illustrates much of what I was talking about in my post, and I love the generational lens you’ve put on as well – I agree that work is changing and what your ability is will count for more than your actual history. (Just look at all the Gen Yers doing amazing things without a lot of experience : ).

@ Lance – While I appreciate your comment, I’m not sure you understood the point of the post. Obviously, as I state in the beginning, this post isn’t about the people that “matter” and “get it” and who “understand” – you won’t burn bridges with those people. Obviously. And just because we have different views of a term doesn’t mean I’m wildly off ; ) I completely agree that you shouldn’t be unprofessional as I said in the beginning of the post. That was never in any of the points I made. Thanks for your input!

This is an excellent post — too many people hang on to lousy business relationships when they should move on.

The unfortunate situation out there is that too many people walk away from GOOD business relationships when they leave a company or get laid off and lose the great connection for both people. We casually treat good and bad relationships the same; we walk away when we need instead to use our judgment and keep the good relationships.

Wow, fantastic post! It’s always wonderful to see people taking a real, hard look at sacred cows. Good stuff.

Ah, I get it. You’re just going for the sensational title.

If we basically agree that you should be professional as you depart, let relationships that don’t matter to go dormant and keep in touch with people who could further your career, than it is a matter of arguing over the definition of what burning bridges means.

Before you criticize a piece of sensible advice, perhaps you should try to understand the point of it may be. Me nor many of my peers recommend doing more than that. When we talk about burning bridges, we are talking about flipping off your manager on the way out the door.

So if I admit I may have not understood the point of your post, perhaps you could reexamine what I and others (especially over at BC) have pointed out: this is just an ordinary post without that title and arguing over what the definition of burning a bridge is…

I look forward to your spirited response.

BTW — Worked for a cool company. Know a ton of people who work for cool companies. They care about your reputation whether they check your provided references or they do it through back channels.

@ Scot – That’s such a great point, I should re-write my post. There is one boss in particularly that I wish I kept in better touch with. Thank you for the reminder!

@ Jake – Thanks for the kind words!

@ Lance – I read your post on your blog about how people disagree with you. You asked then that readers consider what you wrote. You have considered what I wrote, and I have appreciated your comments and insight in return. We don’t have the same experiences and we don’t always have to agree. That’s what makes blogging interesting.

[...] video is a response to the comments I received on my post on Monday, ‘Don’t Burn Bridges’ is Bad Career Advice, that was also featured on Brazen [...]

This was exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you!

I think the reason why I have a problem with this piece of advice is that burning bridges means never going back. You have effectively destroyed a relationship by burning the bridge. Bridge is a link between two people, and you’ve ruined every going back.

I’m not saying you should repeatedly use people, but you should always have the option of asking someone for advice, or perhaps you have an opportunity in your new or future job that you might want to reach out to someone about. Maybe you won’t – but WHO KNOWS? I hate all-or-nothing attitudes in business. It’s kinda mean.

If you don’t want to talk to someone, like a boss, then just don’t. But don’t burn the bridge by destroying a relationship. Just leave it alone, and if you want to pick back up in the future, then you can. End of story. I don’t know why anyone would ever create a reason for someone else not to like them. I just think this perspective is really dangerous and I would never agree with it or recommend it to anyone, and I’m really surprised that you would advocate this kind of relationship destroying.

Rebecca, I think that in maybe 5 years, maybe 8-10 years time, you’re going to look back at your post and say “Damn! What on earth was I thinking???”

I used to think like you, Rebecca, and I moved jobs, careers and organizations when I felt it was the right thing to do. Started over, made enemies, blew off the worst of the worst. Some people I kept in touch with, but most I did not. I am very independent and wanted to be in charge of my own career (lesson learned when my father was laid off at 50). I used to say I did not suffer fools lightly. But now I am older (yes, I’m your mother’s or grandmother’s age) and I’ve started to mellow a bit. I finally found a place where I seem to fit and I’m determined to hang here a while. So when small-minded people act in small-minded ways, I listen, file away, and go about my business. I’ve learned that sometimes fools are right!

[...] cool with Gen Y because we plan to move in a month or two for that tech job, relish inner-city downtown life, or can’t see the sense in purchasing a [...]

[...] 3:30 – What did you think about Rebecca Thorman’s post about Burning Bridges with a Previous Employer? [...]

I see a lot of truth in what you are saying, and manny of these principles have been true in my own career (though I am officially Generation X). I’ve had situations where I was able to start over (not easy), and also worked at places briefly that I realized were a terrible fit, and I felt no compunction to keep in contact with.

But I see one important flaw that I’d like to point out: the economic conditions are very different in recent months than they has been in the past few years. Economists are now talking about (and afraid of) the newly non-mobile American worker.

One of the strengths in the American workforce has been its mobility. (My own career is a testament to that, as I’ve now worked in five metropolitan areas.) But with so many people unable to sell their homes, American workers are now more immobile than they have EVER been. And forced to find jobs near where they are tied to the huge investment that they have made (that they are unable to break even on, if even sell at all).

Apparently, this was foreseen and warned of by some European economists when the US was pushing for increased home-ownership; countries with high home-ownership rates also have the highest unemployment…

With that in mind, it can be argued it’s more important now to keep your bridges open – along with any ties to your good name and employment possibilities. Especially if you own a home in a declining market.

Being in a bad job is just like being in a bad relationship–once you’ve jumped the shark, there’s usually nothing you can do to fix it no matter how hard you try.

And, to your point Rebecca, there’s a good chance your old boss isn’t going to help you–especially if you didn’t leave on the best of terms.

I LOVE this advice! And I admire your courage for putting this out there.

The advice to not burn bridges is the rhetoric of conformity used by those with a power paradigm that says “I’m the boss, you are not, so you better know your place.”

I tell my students that I hope they get the chance to quite a job for the right reasons while they are young so they learn that they CAN survive it and actually come out better on the other side. I see too many people of all ages stuck in jobs they hate, working for people that don’t give a damn about them.

The bars to that cage are purely between their ears.

Great stuff!!!

Bret

[...] most interesting discussions about references that I’ve seen in a long time. First, she says that references are outdated because most good jobs require that you know someone to get in the door. And this goes back to the [...]

To burn or not to burn? i gave my notice on a job with a life sucking culture that made me unhappy. i finished out my work and went to my new position. however before i left my old job, i heard my old boss being paged to take a call from my new boss. Guess whose new job SUCKED. i left the new job and i BURNED MY BRIDGES with great gusto. However the economy was better and i had a new job already lined up.

i moved from the east coast to the southwest. Economy was going great guns. i interviewed with tons of firms. i liked one place UNTIL the principal called me regarding a reference. He said that my old job described me as hard working, smart etc, and a bit of a flake. HIS question to me was ‘are you a flake?’ Needless to say my interest in the firm and my opinion about the judgment of the founding principal was that he was an idiot.

Point of story? Sometimes you need to have a bridges burning experience to prove to yourself that what you want is different than what you expected. my boss to boss story taught me to stay out of firms that were tapped into the old boy network. my reference story reinforced that office culture was important. my previous firm felt i was a flake b/c i had a life and outside interests. my potential new firm let a reference spoil an opportunity to have an outstanding employee.

And i have a job now that i love.

As a recovering people-pleaser, this one’s hard for me. I don’t like knowing that there’s negative energy out there in the world, being blown in my general direction.

But something that I’ve been realizing lately, and that you address here, is that not everyone is worth having a relationship with. I don’t even mean that like “they have no worth as a person” I just mean that we are not compatible and we have little to offer each other. I don’t need to maintain relationships with people. I should be considerate and polite, I think, but if that’s not enough for them? That’s their issue, not mine.

Thanks for this post!

[...] a provocative — and excellent — article from Rebecca Thorman on her Modite site called ‘Don’t burn bridges’ is bad career advice. If you think that keeping business relationships with poor managers, lousy team members and crappy [...]

[...] Rebecca Thorman writes about life and career advice for the millennial generation. Her post “Don’t burn bridges is bad career advice” is right on! I strongly agree with her point that the ability to start over enables unlimited [...]

[...] to a single position. You probably won’t use the major listed on your college degree. You’ll change jobs six to eight times before you’re thirty. And you’ll eventually get the urge to change the world, which doesn’t [...]

I cannot help but ask you guys about what you think of my situation: I had been having a few problems with my boss for quite a few months. There was a lot of conflict of interest that affected the team. I did go ahead and brought to his boss’s notice …and of course requested it to be anonymous. But thign didnt change. Eventually tired of all this, I recently changed my job. Unfortunately my boss got to know about this complain(which surprised me) and he started to behave wierd. He stopped all communication with me while I was in the company and even cancelled my farewell dinner. and After which he has been bad mouthing about me to other employees. I was hurt and wasnt sure what I should be doing. Please help.

[...] or seven months, I’ve created a bubble around me of people I trust, making sweeping efforts to withdraw from drama. Through this process, I learned – and there’s no need to rehash the details – the bubble [...]

References nowadays are about brown nosing – how does the prospective employer ascertain objectivity?

Historically, great men never had good references because they always rocked the boat:

- John the baptist: Hated by a queen
- Jesus: Hated by a King & an entire community
- Moses: Hated by a King
- King David: Hated by a King
- Daniel: Jailed by a King
- Galileo Galilei: Disgraced for asserting that the world was not FLAT

What kind of references would the above people have? Yet they are some of the greatest people who ever lived.

What makes HR people think the former boss gicving reference is professional, ethical and has good intentions? That the former boss was not a sick sadist/ psychopath (30% probability according to researchers!)?

In some places it’s no longer about your work and what you did for your company. Its about how well you sucked up to an abusive abusive boss who used the threat of “ruining future prospects” to keep their victims on a leash.

Dont burn bridges = Be nice to the sick jerk – even when you dont have to!

After being bullied and abused at work a couple of times I made up my mind. NO MORE. I will fight back and when forced to a desperate position, I will cross the bridge, then burn it. Close the chapter permanently.

I can survive without a “reference” from a sadistic jerk who will probably defame me at the slightest chance anyway.

Seriously, what guarantee do you have that an EVIL person who was nasty to you WHEN YOU WERE THERE PHYSICALLY will suddenly have a touch of benevolence, goodwill and sense of fairness when they see one last opportunity to attack you?

If your boss is a jerk and mistreats you – get something better then let him/her know in no uncertain terms what EXACTLY you think of him/her when you’re leaving (or immediately after leaving – in case its not safe).

You dont need that kind of poison in your life. After 10+ years in corporate world, I made a decision to take control of my life and have never been happier and more healthy. If your boss is ajerk, dont hesitate to burn that bridge. Call a spade a spade and make that one-way move to a better you.

Cheers!

:-)

[...] big mean jerk, their demons and their decisions should not be of great concern to you, and is better left to psychology. You can’t possibly know what they’ve been through. Maybe [...]

[...] Many people will tell you not to burn a bridge.  They follow the “if you can’t say something nice” rule.  And there’s some truth to that advice.  Everyone should think long and hard before severing a relationship with someone.  After all, never is a really long time. [...]

This works only in the USA or in other Western countries.

Americans are so narrow minded – no wonder they can’t survive out of their turf and keep bitching about their government to do things for them.

In my long hard years living everywhere- never burn a bridge served me well. If you’ve ever been caught in a foreign country with all your money and passport gone and all you can call with a level of influence is a former boss who is in the military or diplomatic service then you will know what I mean.
Bosses that are evil can still be useful because at the end of the day we are all still humans and we need each other.

I was handing out relief goods after a disaster with an aid agency once when I met an employee who just decided one day to be nasty and burn bridges with me. He saw me handing out stuff and fell out of line just so he wouldn’t deal with me. He has whole family too who missed out on food that day because we were giving them out only to registered heads of households.

From suppliers, customers to former bosses, you will never know when or where you will meet these people again, I dont think the world is small place (Ive been to 18 countries) but many times you will run into people in akward situations like evacuations, source findings or agency cooperations or plain trade liasons and how you once left it with them will mattter at how you get helped or get your job done.

More often if these people have bad memories of you or simply have nothing good to say about you, it can matter if you get a permit, a visa, or even an evac flight approved within the hour.

I have been rehired twice by people who liked my work and fellowship. It has saved me from being unemployed even till now.

It doesnt hurt to NOT burn a bridge. It costs so little to leave in grace and if institutions permit send a greeting card. Life’s too short to let the nature of others ruin yours.

I have been so around to thats why I know. I guess in my opinion westerners are cry babies and sissies.

[...] Many people will tell you not to burn a bridge.  They follow the “if you can’t say something nice” rule.  And there’s some truth to that advice.  Everyone should think long and hard before severing a relationship with someone.  After all, never is a really long time. [...]

‘Burning bridges,’ to me, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Your boss calls you into the office before you leave for lunch on a Friday to let you know that you have been terminated with no recourse. You proceed to cuss him out and destroy his office, almost getting in a couple of swings as security hauls you out kicking and screaming. You set the building on fire and purposely damage his car as you blaze through the parking lot 90 MPH trying to get home in time to send him a nasty threatening e-mail before he thinks to block your address from the company’s servers.

Yes, that’s a very extreme scenario, and I haven’t done that (though I was fairly close once) – but quietly walking away is certainly not ‘burning a bridge’ by any stretch of the imagination.

What you must consider is that applications often ask about your ENTIRE work history, and (supposedly) it’s verifiable. By burning a birdge, you will be inclined to either omit the job (which can get your fired, again, if you’re caught) and/or be forced to tiptoe carefully around the issue when asked about it during an interview or when filling out an application. You can likely kiss your unemployment benefits goodbye as well, even if you had a shot at them before the incident.

In summary, quietly walking away while keeping in touch with those who can help you is a better policy than burning down your network. Your job and/or performance may have been awful, but it’s best not to have anything to hide.

Burning Bridges, really should be called ‘burning a network’. In the industry I’m in (contract software development), especially here in Silicon Valley, everyone knows everyone. If you do someone wrong, people talk and black lists happen fast. I hate to say that but its true, so really burning a bridge with your boss or coworkers could lead to trust and credibility issues with an exponentially larger group of people.

Now if you are changing careers, then fine, most of the people who you will burn won’t be applicable to your new line of work.

I’ve gotten too much work from past relationships, or bridges I could have burned but bit my tongue instead. Relationships fostered and business created because I never burnt bridges. You never know what will happen in five years. One of the best contract jobs I ever got was from a boss I walked out on, with class, several years ago. I didn’t like the job, I could have burned that bridge, but now, looking back it would have cost me something I’m really enjoying right now and feeding my career.

[...] a humdrum one, or had enough of an intolerable boss, you owe it to yourself to leave on a high note and not burn bridges. No matter the situation, it doesn’t do you any good to rant and rave to your boss or stick [...]

[...] a humdrum one, or had enough of an intolerable boss, you owe it to yourself to leave on a high note and not burn bridges. No matter the situation, it doesn’t do you any good to rant and rave to your boss or stick [...]

[...] a humdrum one, or had enough of an intolerable boss, you owe it to yourself to leave on a high note and not burn bridges. No matter the situation, it doesn’t do you any good to rant and rave to your boss or stick [...]

I quite agree with this article. Not keeping in touch is different than yelling at your boss and other coworkers and telling them that they were the worst ever, when you get laid off. You can still not be in touch with your old ex colleagues but can do it in a manner which does not give people who do not know about your situation a chance to judge you…. and down the line form negative opinions about you.

I have learnt in a long time that telling people that they are a piece of shit really does not change them by any means. At best it will make them feel bad for a second, but they will proceed to justify their behavior and actions and remain just the same

Finally, an honest human!

what kind of lamd advice!  burning the bridge only show your immaturity.  

this is not what it mean

what is mean is that you should talk to people if u really like them and they are doing things for u but then when you leave and move somewhere else  u meet new friends and dont want to talk to your old friends any more 

some people are dumb

I LOVE THIS ARTICLE. EVERY WORD OF IT! :)
BIG THUMBS UP!!!
“Kontrary is a different take on careers….” I’m enjoying your perspective.
Thanks for putting out there what I believe the vast majority feels.