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Happiness Relationships Self-management

A New Residence for Home

Ryan is so very tall and my condo is so very small. So it was not without reservation that we recently moved in together.  We talked about it a lot – the important things, the mundane, the humdrum. In talking about moving in together, we broke our record in effective communication. And then we talked some more. “If we could communicate like this for the rest of our lives,” Ryan said, “we’d be the best couple ever.” And so it went… until.

You know, moving is very stressful, and moving in with someone you intend to spend your life with is this gigantic life decision, and somehow all of the pressure and insanity of it all got put into one question – did we need to buy another dresser?

Perhaps the most romantic notion I had of combining our belongings and everyday lives was that we would be able to use my library card file (currently in use as my sock drawers) as our dresser. But, no. No, no, no.  Ryan needed a place to store his t-shirts. All forty-six of them. And he didn’t find it at all romantic, never mind practical, to store a lone t-shirt per tiny drawer.

I won’t take this moment to comment on the romanticism or practicality of forty-six t-shirts, but I do recommend that you, my dear reader, come to your own conclusion on that point.

Besides his t-shirts, Ryan also likes to hang his towel on the closet door instead of the towel hook we bought specifically for the purpose. He takes out the trash and cleans if I cook. I don’t know when, but he watches ESPN because that’s the channel that appears when I turn on the TV. I am always on the computer and he is always on the phone. He leaves his eye glasses on the bathroom counter, but little else. His shoes are lined up across the top and bottom shelves of our closet, and underneath the bed. Waiting for Cribs, I guess.

He overtakes our small white couch like a dog. If Ryan could be animal, he has said that he would want to be a big, slow dog, so please don’t think I am insulting my incredibly sexy boyfriend publicly. Well, a dog or a lion, he said. There are a lot of similarities.

He has a repertoire of several particularly esteemed dishes that he can cook: pork chops, meat spaghetti – in which the spaghetti is actually egg noodles – and chicken and broccoli “stir-fry.”

He locks the door when he leaves in the morning and says to me when he’s home: “You know you don’t have to lock the door when I’m here, right? I will protect you.”

“It’s a habit,” I reply.

He opens the shower curtain from the wrong side, and never closes the blinds. If you touch him when he’s not expecting it, he will unreasonably flinch and exclaim “ow!” like he means it.

When we watch a movie, he will lie down and I will lie down, and we will spoon and watch the screen and out the sixth-story window. When I get too tired, I will turn around and settle into his chest, and he will kiss my forehead and I will go to sleep.

Ryan moved in on the anniversary of our first kiss.

This weekend, I think we’ll buy a dresser.

Good Hearts.

By Rebecca Healy

My goal is to help you find meaningful work, enjoy the heck out of it, and earn more money.

31 replies on “A New Residence for Home”

Those of us who think highly of both of you have been waiting for this day for a very long time. The biggest of congrats to the both of you.

My wife’s one wish after nearly 7 years of marriage is for a double vanity. Keep that in mind for any future purchases.

That was the best thing I could have woken up and read this morning; reminding me that my husband is really all that matters ( ;

That said, I’m “Ryan”ish in my marriage and my husband is more like you! We moved in together about a yr after we were together also – not as romantic as the first kiss at all ( ; more like, “I want to buy a condo on the beach. Let’s live together so we can afford it…” 6 years later – still happy and married; and I would venture to say my better half would still write 50% of the things that you wrote in the blog.

That said – some insight in how to ‘change’ anything that really drives you NUTS; at least this works for me…

I hate cleaning and similar to Ryan – dont think my towels need to go on a towel hook – I’m even worse – I’ll throw them out instead of washing them ( ; I dont cook, so that’s “his” domain and we’re at the point where if I walk in the kitchen – he hovers and it drives me nuts…

So, what we’ve done? First, (I can’t believe I’m writing this…), sexual favors (like positive reinforcement!!!) for every week that I do everything he has asked. Two big examples – my husband asks that I keep the house clean for when he gets home (I work from home), so I set the alarm at 5 PM to clean before he gets home….The towel thing drives him INSANE as well…so – I may a concerted effort to put the towels on the dang hook…empty the dishwasher, etc.

We basically took all the ‘annoying’ things I do (ok – not all, some) and said – “how can we make this ‘fun’?” It’s become an inside joke (although now I guess it’s out to the blogging world!) and it works for us – keeps us laughing.

Because you and Ryan are both hard workers and extremely successful; my guess is that everything in your relationship will work out the way you want it to; because marriage is work, right? I’ve found that if I take my ‘work’ attitude with certain things in my marriage / when we lived together – we’re good to go.

@ Jamie – Ha, I definitely have my own faults, but since I was writing the post I was able to conveniently leave those out. Ryan and I have only been living together a short time, but so far it feels normal and his idiosyncrasies are still charming. Now, I’m sure that won’t be how it always is and in that case, I am glad for your advice and tips. I hope that when we’re ready to take the next step, I too can apply my work lessons to my relationship and vice versas. I do think they’re quite similar. Thanks for the comment! Appreciate it : )

@ Molly – Thanks so much for sharing your post. A lot of your hesitation and beliefs were similar to mine. For a long time before Ryan and during the beginning of our relationship, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now, amazingly, I feel like I can actually breathe deeper now. Albeit, I’m pretty lucky because he’s such a good guy : ) Thanks again!

Congratulations to you and Ryan.
The two of you seem to me to be a wonderful couple and will be able to work out any idiosyncrasies that may come your way.
I love and found the library card file (sock drawer) to be hilarious when applied to Ryan’s t-shirts. Each t-shirt in a separate drawer and labeled – ultimate organization – too funny!
Happy shopping.

Welcome to the wonderful world of cohabitation. It’s both lovely and sucky all at the same time, but in the end totally worth it. Congratulations you two love birds!

@ Mark – I hope so! Ha. And yes, I love organization. Funnily enough, Ryan really does too – just not to such an extreme : ) Thanks for the well-wishes!

@ Andrea – Thanks, hun. Appreciate the kind and honest words!

HA! I’ve lived with people before, and am currently living with my lovely and beautiful girlfriend, whom I would not appreciate nearly as much had it not been for my previous live-in disasters. I’ve found that in romantic relationships you assume, you desperately want, all of the roommate issues to just take care of themselves. Like, if we’re really meant to be together she’ll squeeze the toothpaste from the back of the tube. Or, how can she be at all competent in life if she doesn’t know how to properly load a dishwasher? And answers, like everything in a relationship, take work. I am not less perfect as a boyfriend because I leave my clothes from the day before beside the bed–but because I know that it bugs her, I struggle mightily not to do so. And she has become much better at loading the dishwasher (and, for the record, is far more on top of things in most areas of her life than I am).

There is nothing like living with someone to expose your quirks, and roommate issues can be the undoing of a relationship if they aren’t taken as seriously as any other source of conflict. But, like anything else, they can–and should–be overcome. With patience, love, understanding, and compromise.

And having forty-six t-shirts is very practical, especially for those of us who hate doing laundry. However, one t-shirt per drawer most certainly is not. That’s like extra pillows on a bed–completely impractical.

@ Jeff – I don’t really want the roommate issues to take care of themselves. In fact, I thought it would be a much harder transition. I like the signs that he is there and we are together : ) But I imagine that won’t be the case always, ha. Hopefully, as you state, keeping good communication will help Ryan and I keep a good thing going. Thanks for the fab comment!

As a male with 46+ T-Shirts the practicality of that library card file thing just doesn’t make sense. I might tolerate it in an office or something.

Also, this shower curtain thing. Let’s get this sorted. You need to open the shower curtain and get out the side closest to the shower-head. Not the back of the shower? Yes? If not, that’s how it should be. :)

This is funny. It’s interesting how things change when another person gets in on your space. At first it can be a little annoying. But then later on, it’s simply intriguing.

Congrats! I remember reading your post when you’d both gone to some wedding and everything at the table made you scared for the future. I’ve been there with my bf and I know the feeling. So excited for you to be moving in with one another. Best of luck!

I am so happy for you & Ryan, Rebecca! This is a huge step and it seems as though you’re both madly in love. Congratulations and best wishes for this new step in life :) I’ve been there and the feeling is oh-so-dreamy!

This is so adorable. Especially the part about him protecting you. It gives me hope that one day I’ll find a great guy too. =)

(P.S. I’m a new reader – I love your blog!)

@ Ryan S – You got the shower curtain thing wrong. Sigh. This must be a guy thing… ; )

@ Akirah – I haven’t really experienced it to be annoying or intruiging yet… just mostly natural. I haven’t been surprised by any of Ryan’s habits which I think just means he’s pretty honest about who he is : )

@ Gloria – Thanks! Appreciate the kind wishes. Funny, moving in together makes me breathe a little deeper even though it was nothing I ever planned on.

@ Sabera – That’s so nice of you to say. It is a huge step and it was scary taking it! But now that we have, it’s quite nice I must say : )

@ Nicole – There are great guys! I have to say I hated when people said that and had been completely ready to settle. Glad I held out a bit longer. Thanks for the comment and for reading! Off to check out your blog…

Rebecca: This is so cute! Isn’t if funny the little quirks and habits you find out about each other, that you continue to learn over the many months and years? Lovely. Congratulations and lots of happiness to you both! :)

I am rather late at commenting, even though I first read this on Thursday! This is such a lovely post. I just recently started commuting weekly four hours away from home, and it’s my boyfriend that I really miss. We’ve been living together for about six months now, and talking on the phone is just not quite the same. On the t-shirt thing: my better half only has about two shirts, and thus “nothing to wear”. So there’s the bright side for you! (Although I am also hoping that while I’m away he’ll learn to put his dry cleaning in a bag and not in a pile on the floor! :P)

Congrats to you both!

You definitely need an extra dresser though. Guys have a relationship with their collection of t-shirts so I’d recommend not messing with that. My wife has gradually gotten me to rid myself of those that I really don’t wear anymore but I still have 30-40+ but they are in my dresser so … ;-)

@ Harriet – Ugh, I feel for you! Ryan was just away on business for a few days and I was surprised how much I missed him considering we just started living together. Thanks for the comment – always good to hear others’ experiences!

@ Jarlath – Haha, noted. I realized that part of the reason that he wants to hold onto the t-shirts is that they’re like memories. So it’s a bit easier for me to swallow then, even in a small space : )

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