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Behind-the-Business

Got a Right to Be Wrong

This is the first installment in a series of behind-the-scenes posts on Kontrary.

Ideas are common, so I’ll tell you now that how I came up with the idea for Kontrary isn’t interesting. What is interesting is how immediately I jumped into a case of “professor syndrome” where I believed that for Kontrary to work, I would have to be less personal and aspirational, and more editorial and analytical. I know better. I know better, but still, I held onto the notion.

I thought business was serious business. And I confused serious with significance in thinking about charging for content. The mistake has cost me hours upon days of sitting fraught in front of my screen with dozens of tabs of half-finished posts. I struggle to provide high value at a level that is interesting and relatable. That is, I struggle with being myself, because myself doesn’t seem good enough.

We all tell ourselves these invisible scripts every day, and they go into overdrive when we try anything new. We literally have a physical and biological reaction that tells us to stop, back away and let it go. Ramit Sethi has a great exercise in one of his courses where he asks people to identify these scripts. Here is a sampling of what people say:

What will I do if I succeed? Do I deserve to succeed?

Not good enough – Just writing those words makes me irritated as hell. But that’s what I battle with.

I can’t charge for my services. I’m not a professional. I have no CFP. I have no client base. No one will pay me.

My industry is saturated with people who have more experience/qualifications than myself.

What skills, expertise do I have that someone will be willing to pay top dollar for? I’m afraid I’m just not good enough, special enough, have great enough ideas to warrant the financial life I so desire.

If we listen to the imposter, we have to be experts to succeed. Nothing could be farther from the truth, of course. You don’t have to be an expert all the time, and really, people don’t want you to be. The saying, “the customer is always right” is true, not because they are, but because it’s always possible that you’re wrong. That your company is wrong. That your products might suck. That you’ll make mistakes and have to own up.

Maybe it’s because I have run multiple organizations and have had tons of people disagree with me, but I know that people are just looking for you to be human, for your company to be human. To recognize themselves in your products and your values.

When I started my last position, I had a volunteer write a tirade against me before she met me and email it to her entire address book. Point by point, she laid out why I was the wrong person to lead the organization. The Board that had just hired me was incensed (it was an indictment on them as well, after all), but my first thought was how invested this volunteer was in the organization and how highly she esteemed its mission. I immediately asked her to have coffee so we could talk about her concerns. Anyone that is that protective of something is someone I want to meet.  You have to care a lot to write an email like that.

When faced with conflict, I’ve noticed most people’s reactions are to do the opposite. Most people will clam up, stand by their ways, and shine their shoes. Good companies understand that they are not infalliable though. Good customer service understands that you will make mistakes, people will be upset and it is your job to make it right. Really terrific customer service, however, understands that sometimes you will not make mistakes, but people will still be upset, and it is still your job to make it right.

I got into a car accident last year (it was my fault), and I remember calling my insurance company Geico crying. The woman on the other end of the line was asking me questions I couldn’t answer and I snapped. The rep didn’t even flinch. She continued to be so warm that just having her on the phone made me feel safe and like everything was going to be okay (which it was). I had many conversations with numerous Geico reps after that and every single one of the calls was similar. Even when I sold my car and cancelled my insurance, I wanted to invite the woman to dinner.

I didn’t have to train Geico to be a good company; the company trained me to be a good customer.

Your product doesn’t have to be perfect. Customers and clients and readers, they will be patient while you figure it out. We all root for you to succeed. And when you succeed, your customers get to be a part of that. And when you fail – but you’re human – your customers are just as proud to be a part of that.

Expertise doesn’t win, but empathy does. The biggest mistake you can make in any position is to act like a know-it-all. Everyone just wants to be heard. No matter your title, your job is only to make that your mission.

You’re good enough because you try. You’re good enough because you care. You’re good enough because you showed the professor the door. Now, go.

By Rebecca Healy

My goal is to help you find meaningful work, enjoy the heck out of it, and earn more money.

13 replies on “Got a Right to Be Wrong”

‘ That is, I struggle with being myself, because myself doesn’t seem good enough.’

Actually I find it comforting that you do (within reason I’m sure); a complete lack of doubt would veer into psychopathy.

I’ve learnt, through hard experience, that sometimes just being who I am and doing my best is enough. When it isn’t, well, I’ll have to puzzle it out.

I always find it comforting to learn others experience doubt and the imposter syndrome too. Some people let their ego get in the way to the point where it’s hard to take them seriously. I like that term, “puzzle it out”…  and thanks for the link :)

“puzzle it out”…

I choose that over fuming, lol. ;-) About ego, yeah, reminds me of contestant Max Kramer in the current season of Masterchef US. If he weren’t such a dick about emphasising his privilege at every other turn I’d be more inclined to take his (admittedly decent) skills more seriously.

It’s almost like you wrote this post KNOWING what was going to happen to me at the office today. I got an email (through the grapevine) from my client who received a list of very critical feedback in regards to a design I recently completed for them. I read through this person’s comments and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM made perfect sense to me. I thought to myself “why didn’t I realize this when I was designing the piece in the first place!” I felt shot down and quite frankly stupid for not thinking of these pointers while I was in the design process. Excuse me while I crawl in my hole and die.

Thankfully your post pulled me out of my hole. You’re right – we all make mistakes (or in my case could do better) and it’s OK! In fact it’s preferred. A sense of understanding and a commitment to do better next time is more important to most clients because anything can be improved upon. Most people just want to work with someone who has an open mind and a zeal for new ideas and processes.

What stops me from pursuing my ideas — myself mostly. I think — I’m to young or I’m to busy or I’m not the “expert” or what if I mess up. I had a drawing instructor once who would yell (and I mean seriously yell) at you if your drawing was garbage. He would literally tear your sheet off your lap and tell you to start over (in front of everyone in the class). I was scared to DEATH in that class, but you know what – I learned more from him than from any other instructor IN MY LIFE. If you don’t mess up (and I mean really screw up and feel totally shameful/worthless) then you’ll never realize when you have something amazing.

So glad the timing was good! Definitely taking responsibility is key to any endeavor and the fact you can recognize that is awesome. Everything is a learning opportunity. If there were a be-all and end-all answer to a question then life wouldn’t be very interesting now would it?! ;) 

That’s a funny story about your professor – I think we’ve all had one of those! I really learn so much more for criticism than kind words or success. I wish people were more open and honest and no-nonsense! But, I mean, praise is good too :)

I had SO many reasons not to start my private practice. I had had my masters for, like, a week, I was 25, I’d never actually counseled couples before, all counselors are supposed to get agency jobs first, I didn’t have a real office…the list goes on forever. Everything seemed to scream “You are not ready”. But I did it anyways because I figured I had to start somewhere and right here, right now was as good as anywhere else. So far so good.

I’m really looking forward to the behind the business side of Kontrary. 

I love that you shared how you didn’t think you were ready but went for
it anyway. That’s so crucial – to start before you’re ready. You’ll
never be ready, the timing will never be right, but you just have to go
for it anyway. Thanks for sharing :)

I’ll still be sharing Kontrary lessons too!

In this article I find things too complicated. And things might not fall into it perfect place that’s why we came to be disappointed.  I’d love to read blogs like this. Maybe many will benefit on it. If they just know the essence of your blog.

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