I’m going to start something new and exciting soon. As a result, “everyone” has been talking to me. Or rather, at me. They talk. I sit. They have opinions and advice and information, and it doesn’t matter if they have credibility or experience, they tell me what to do regardless. “Everyone” knows better than I do.
And, as a result, I’m paralyzed. I’m scared to do anything. I can’t even get dressed in the morning without thinking about what “everyone” will think.
My paralysis has been especially prevalent on this blog. I feel I can’t write what I want to write because it might offend “everyone.” Swirling through my head are should nots and better nots and other such niceties that make small talk boring.
“Everyone” wants to make sure they don’t show up in my blog. The guy that I’ve been dating tells me with a stern and expectant look that he doesn’t want to see any allusions to our relationship in my blog. Whatsoever. Which is a shame, because I could really be quite flattering to him if you catch my drift. My ex-boyfriend thinks I should make less such references to sex, because it’s not professional, he says. As if sex didn’t exist. As if it wasn’t one of the main forces behind everything a twenty-something does. A fact I guess he’s not thinking about when he calls me at 2:16 am, “just because,” a call which I ignore.
Other people are beginning to preface conversations with, “You’re not going to put this in your blog, are you?” to which I shrug as my stomach tightens, because this usually means they are about to say something incredibly boring, and not at all blog-worthy. Such occurrences are happening so frequently I am seriously considering investing in a high quality helmet to protect my tender head from the many times I’ve had to bang it against the wall. Then there are the brave few who will start a conversation with, “You should put this in your blog,” and tell me how Star Trek is really, really cool. Really.
I don’t want to limit my writing to what “everyone” wants me to subtract or add. I want to write about how many blogs in the blogosphere are so impressively mediocre. I want to write about how if you want to be good-looking and successful and powerful, you should hang out with good-looking and successful and powerful people. I want to write about the nice things too. Mostly, I want to write about how to really change the world, no holds barred.
I shouldn’t, however.
Because if I wrote about those things, “everyone” tells me, two-thirds of our population might have a heart attack at the same time, and the world would fall off its axis, and life on earth as we know it would end. It would be that bad.
I shouldn’t write about the realness of the real world, “everyone” says. So, as you may have noticed, I haven’t written much of anything recently.
But no longer.
It’s not that I don’t care about “everyone’s” opinion. I do. I have the reputation of a do-gooder for good reason; I believe in the goodness of people. I really like people. All of this talk and opinion has made my life much more interesting. Truly. I’ve learned a lot, and for that I am grateful.
Instead, I blame myself for getting caught up in “everyone’s” opinion, for becoming so self-absorbed that I thought I was a BIG DEAL, and not remembering the big picture. Not remembering starvation in Africa and lack of quality education in the U.S. and the fact that we’re all just doing the best we can.
And that’s okay. When life gets in the way of changing the world, you should probably stop and listen. Just don’t let what other people think paralyze you from taking action.
I forget sometimes that you have to fail to succeed. The longer you wait to take action, the higher the edge will seem from the ground. You must take the jump, and trust the parachute will open eventually.
Of course, with an audience comes responsibility and accountability. But to me, being a leader means being unfailingly honest and transparent. Stay true to who you are. The rest will follow.
32 replies on “When everyone gets in the way of changing the world – my blogging paralysis”
It is an interesting thing, isn’t it? I find myself all the time wondering who I should tell about my blog, what I should link it to, what I should talk about and write about. There is so much sensationalism out there it makes it difficult to “compete.” Especially because as a part of your own story, other people and events and organizations are a part of who you are and what you have to say.
I’ve decided that for me, my blog should just be a natural extension of who I am. Of my “brand.” I want my dad and my boss to be able to read it and tell others about it. I want people I’ve never met to understand me more through it. Figuring out what that means on a daily basis is tough, and what it looks like will differ for everyone, but that’s okay. We’re in the process of helping define norms, set standards and share our own stories. It’s a big responsibility, but hopefully it helps add meaning to the world. That’s really what it’s about after all, right?
Tiffany, you said it better than I could. Great points.
Well, you’re doing a great job, so please keep it up!
Wow, Rebecca this is a powerful post. I like it! You really can’t worry about whether other people do or don’t want to be in your blog. It’s your blog and its your life, everyone in your life makes you who you are. To not discuss the everyday occurences in you’re life, like 2:00 AM booty calls, (Can I say that?) would make the blog a lot less interesting. Keep writing, keep telling us how you feel, whenever you feel it, and we will all keep coming back. If they really care about you, the people in you’re life will understand that this is a part of you, and you’re good at it.
-Ryan
Thanks so much, Ryan. I was nervous posting this (and still am!), more for my offline friends than my online friends… it’s nice to hear the reassurance though! And now that I’ve gotten this out, I think I will be able to better finish my half-written posts sitting in a folder. I think we all have self-doubt, and the first step is to admit you’re not perfect so you can move on. Hm. Now I sound like I’m starting a twelve step program… ;)
Good thoughts. I think in this case, Penelope Trunk is a great role model for you — just see how successful she’s been, especially considering her ability to talk so openly about relationships and sex. On a career blog!
Also, take a tip from Tim Ferriss: he says that in order to launch a successful blog and bring in the readers (which you’ve already done very well!) you need to 1) Phenomenize your content by attaching it to some larger social trend, 2) POLARIZE your audience –make sure they either love you or hate you, and 3) Communitize — create a space for believers…
You’re doing great so far. I can’t wait to hear what you really WANT to write! =)
Rebecca,
Great outlook on life! Why be scared? You’re right that there are a lot of mediocre blogs out there–I think most of those blogs can be contributed to people being afraid to include the content that really matters…I don’t think you’ll have that problem.
@ Cody: Yes, Penelope has been a big inspiration. She often says things that I think, but don’t actually say! I love the advice from Ferriss as well- thanks for the tips!
@ Adam: Thank you for the encouragement! It’s definitely hard to put yourself out there in any form, a blog is almost like public speaking, and it’s dead scary to say what you think and hear other opinions in return.. that’s why I like your blog on branding- to help us become who we are more can only help!
Wow, good post. It is certainly hard to satisfy “everyone” so I suspect it’s best to satisfy yourself and hope “everyone” understands. Keep up the good writing!
[…] August 14th, 2007 Blogging. It’s a commentary on life, so of course, sometimes it intersects our lives. It’s a struggle, I imagine, for most everyone who puts their thoughts on public display to deal with linking “real” life to blog life. For me, it’s been interesting to see my audience grow and for members of my personal network to become fans of my blog. It’s great to have people I know and interact with read my blog. Especially since I see it as an extension of myself. […]
Hey Rebecca,
I’m glad you’ve made the decision to not let other peoples worries affect you. If you’re not going to take and stance and instead try to please everyone you’ll never develop an audience (one of the keys to which actually seems to be polarizing people). Discussion never starts if someone never offers the first opinion. I say keep up the good work.
**BTW, Excellent use of the passive aggressive post.
@ Presh: Good point. It is impossible to make everyone happy!
@ Brad: Me? Passive aggressive? Never. Have you seen this site- Passive Aggressive Notes ? It’s a fun one.
Rebecca, you are way too good at blogging to be surrounded by people who think their privacy is more important than your talent! I think if you surround yourself with self-confident people then they won’t care what you write on your blog. Also, I think sex partners try harder in bed when they know there is a blog…
Penelope
Penelope, how you make me laugh and laugh… thank you! I agree whole-heartedly. Surrounding yourself with the right people will be a topic of an upcoming post.
Rebecca, I surely agree that sex is a driving force, but that doesn’t mean it is bad advice to avoid overt sexual references on your blog. While it may “polarize” your audience, the disenchanted portion of your readership may be the people you need to impress Monday morning. I certainly wouldn’t tell my boss about my proclivity to make 2:16 a.m. phone calls, as I’m pretty certain it wouldn’t help my professional standing. I realize where my personal life and professional life need to be separate.
You too may want to consider the implications of allowing your business partners being able to read about your pleasure partners. Trust is a key ingredient to any successful relationship (sexual or otherwise). Do you trust people who display questionable discretion?
You know I’m always gonna play devil’s advocate to all the people giving you the “You go girl!” cheer.
[…] I saw Johannes last night after a long day and an even longer meeting, and started talking as we sat down at the restaurant. I told him the recent gossip. I talked all about my latest success. I described how I got in trouble for my recent post. I told him who had called me, who I had seen, who was annoying the heck out of me. Mostly, I just dumped. Dumped my entire life on him. For fifteen or twenty minutes straight. I talked and he listened. Then, far from finished, but eager to eat the food that was placed in front of me, I said: […]
[…] “Yes,” I said, out loud this time. “I’d be okay with failing. Life would go on. I would still wake up and get out of bed every morning. Well, five days out of the week, at least.” […]
[…] 5. Heart your waiter. Act like you’re serving the waiter instead of the other way around. Smile, be overly polite and ask for their opinions and recommendations. People watch your behavior around wait staff closely, and many judge you specifically on the interaction you have with the waiter. […]
Rebecca,
You go back and forth about the role you want to play and how the outside world is having an influence on you. But what would you do to change the world. More importantly, what if people saw insight in your actions and wanted to join your personal mission. What would that look like and what do you want to do? Its alright you can say it… I don’t bite
MM
[…] I know now, six weeks in, that that is not the case. People love to hate you. Oh, they love to hate you and judge you and smile in your face while they do it. I’m so oblivious to it that these instances have to be told to me on a weekly basis, because I can play the game, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still believe in the basic goodness of people. […]
[…] I know now, six weeks in, that that is not the case. People love to hate you. Oh, they love to hate you and judge you and smile in your face while they do it. I’m so oblivious to this, that these instances have to be told to me on a weekly basis, because I can play the game, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still believe in the basic goodness of people. […]
You don’t really need or want that lifestyle, it might hurt y’all slowly more…….Just tell him you
don’t wanna repeat something your not too proud of z7uas.
[…] You will mess up along the way. You will make mistakes. You’ll take things personally. You won’t want to be a leader sometimes, and sometimes you might not be. […]
[…] read more | digg story […]
[…] With bold ideas and big vision, you are not going to meet everyone’s concept of perfection, so don’t even try, Watson said. Don’t even try. If you try to please everyone, you will come up with a plan that is unworkable or someone will just say no and that will be the end. […]
I’m in the process of getting a blog going (more for sarcasm purposes, although I should probably do something career oriented), and I also have strict instructions not to mention my wife. Although it’s mainly due to her career (law), it’s still a pain. However, I’ve got to realize that someone’s ‘personal space’ can stretch into the web.
[…] Purging your to-do list of items that bring you anxiety means not only crossing off the difficult and boring tasks, but getting rid of the items that suck your energy. […]
Rebecca,
You are a great example of why our generation is bound to improve upon the past, as you seem to be of the mindset, that you can continually improve upon yourself.
I am a firm believer in “failing to succeed” as it is the greatest teacher, and thus, the greatest method of learning. It’s practical, and allows for contemplation and innovation.
When it comes to your blog, it is obvious to me that you have been doing something right. Whatever it is, you ought to keep it up. You know how to maintain a line of improvement, so you needn’t worry, as your blog is only going to get much better.
[…] I said, out loud this time. “I’d be okay with failing. Life would go on. I would still wake up and get out of bed every morning. Well, five days out of the week, at […]
[…] Years from now, when I look back and reflect, I will know that I never, ever regretted opening my mouth, only keeping it shut. […]
I used to think, from a business stand point, that I should write on my blog for my readers. I think that can work. But I think what’s a lot more interesting is people talking about things they’re passionate about, and doing it in an honest way, without reverence. When I think about the blogs that I find most interesting, and read most frequently, they share those characteristics.
There’s a lot of people in the world, a couple hundred might stop reading because of being more honest and transparent, but a couple thousand more might start, no?
I’ll be honest and say that what’s always kept me subscribed to your blog and reading is the irreverence. You’re not an echo. That’s inspiring.
[…] for their opinions and recommendations. People watch your behavior around wait staff closely, and many judge you specifically on the interaction you have with the […]