Having a bad boss doesn’t excuse you from being a good employee. And good employees manage up.
This works because work relationships are all about control. Your boss may be threatened that you’re young and intelligent, may not want to give you more responsibility, could be on a power-trip, or might just be an inexperienced manager. There could be any number of reasons why he’s not so nice.
But if you had more control at your job – if you could be in charge of more or your boss could be in charge of less, things would be better off, right? Managing up allows you to retain your sense of poise and productivity, and requires that you:
1. Perform like you’ve never performed before. It doesn’t matter if your boss told you to wash dishes. If that’s your task, you had better be the best darn dish-washer there ever was. It’s really hard for a boss to complain if you’re doing everything right and smiling about it. And you’ll feel better after accomplishing something instead of complaining.
Besides, no one gets to skip paying dues all together. Sometimes the workplace is dirty, unethical and downright salacious, but you should never be a part of that. By complaining and not doing, you’re being complicit in a negative environment instead of showing your real value and true work ethic.
2. Realize what the real point of working is. Even if you feel like you can run miles around what you’re doing or on the flip side, that your task is too difficult, realize that the opportunity in most jobs is not to learn a specific or creative skill, but to learn people skills, which are far more important at the end of the day.
It’s people skills that differentiate you and help you succeed over anything else. That’s why you’re actually lucky to have a bad boss. There will never be a deficiency of difficult people at your job or in your life. This is a prime opportunity to use that to your advantage.
3. Discover what your boss cares about and learn to care too. For example, I once had a boss that would bully me in private and become my best friend in public. Her main concern was image, mostly hers. Once I understood this, I took less of what she said to heart, and focused mainly on tasks that would increase the positive sentiment of our organization publicly. I never failed to compliment her to others, and so I knew when she said, “I’ve been hearing great things about you,” she really meant “I’ve been hearing great things about myself.”
Your boss could equally care about leaving at 5:00 pm to see his kids, or pushing through her pet project on eco-friendly envelopes, or making sure he never has to write notes at a meeting again. Whatever the push-point is, find it and use it to make your boss look good. Real good.
4. Care like you and your boss are real people. Because you both are. Not all of us are suited to be inspirational leaders, and most of us don’t realize how difficult it really is to be a good manager. And many more don’t even realize that the onus is truly on the employee to bring out the best in a manager. Where would Obama be without the ideas and enthusiasm of the American citizens for change?
Your participation, empathy and respect towards your boss will be reflected in how your boss treats you. Try reverence for a change.
28 replies on “How to deal with a bad boss”
I think for me one thing to always keep in the back of mind is that everyone is different, and has had different events shape the course of their life and the person they’ve become.
I think the best approach is to get at and understand what makes your boss tick the way he/she does, and it will enable you to relate (and communicate) with that person more effectively.
I especially like your first point for virtually every situation. This excludes some situations, but in most of them just keep working hard and it will usually all work itself out.
Another strategy that was featured on Zen Habits just yesterday talked about setting up a time to talk through some of these issues with your boss. Or rather to talk through your work and how you can potentially do better, help the company more, etc.
I like this strategy because it signifies to the boss that you care, and you chances are you really do want to help (maybe the relationship, maybe the company, maybe yourself), but still.
Since you have such great commenters, I’d like to pose a couple of questions and see if we can potentially hash through them.
1.) What’s the best strategy to overcome being micromanaged?
2.) When is the appropriate time to walk away and what does that entail?
– Obviously I think you try to leave if you’re being mentally abused, purposely
– What if you just don’t share the same set of values or ideals that you’d like your company to be striving for?
Love to glean insight on these questions.
Another solid post Rebecca!
I love the positive attitude behind this blog and you’re so right about people skills being more important at the end of the day. I think the best anyone can do in this situation is take good notes on what NOT to do when they are in their boss’s position one day in the future.
[…] difficult people who never seek peaceful solution. May the moments you enjoy range from solitude How to deal with a bad boss – modite.com 02/24/2009 Having a bad boss doesn’t excuse you from being a good employee. And good […]
I have a sneaking suspicion I had a little bit to do with the framework of this post. Haha. ;-)
I really like the positivity in this post. However, when is it that you should stay with a bad boss and then when should you go?
Lately I’ve been feeling like a bad boss is tolerable if you are in a job that is a great stepping stone to something else. Or, if the company is amazing (but the boss isn’t too great). Or, the type of work you’re doing is incredibly enriching, then you can tolerate and manage up with the faulty boss.
But, should you stay at a job regardless of if the above mentioned aspects are there? Should you stay with a bad boss no matter what? Should you stay just to get the experience of dealing with a difficult boss?
What do ya think?
Interesting post. I think this post is dependant on whether your boss that is (professionally) incompatible with his/her employee.
I think the idea of a bad boss can be intolerable, no matter what kind of tactics you use (like Jamie mentions). Yet, you can make it work so that you can function to the best of your (work) ability.
I also think your ideas are great launch pads for people who have been working with difficult bosses (or employees) and don’t know where to start or how to fix the relationship.
@ Ryan – I definitely agree that keeping in mind that we’re all shaped by different events is key – that’s called empathy and it makes you a good person. For micromanagement, I would do more managing up, and say things like:
“Great, here are my 5 tasks for the week. Would it be okay for us to check in Thursday and if I have any questions in the meantime, I’ll let you know?”
And if you don’t share the same values, get out. Fast.
@ Eva – Thank you for the comment and kind words! It’s definitely important to pay attention, because you never know when you’ll be in a similar position!
@ Jamie – Our gchat conversation was certainly an inspiration : ). I think all of the situations you laid out are good reasons to stay, but you also have to trust your gut and instinct. If you know yourself well enough to know that you really can’t take it and you wouldn’t be in a position to allow yourself to learn, move on. It’s smart to do that too.
@ Raven – Interesting to note that there will be incompatible work relationships – I’m with you there and have been in such situations. It’s good to try to work on something even then while you’re trying to get out too. Thank you for commenting!
Rebecca, I definitely appreciate you encouraging people to make the best of a difficult work situation, because that’s something we all encounter and techniques like managing up can be incredibly effective. It’s a fine line, however, when employees are taking responsibility for the way their boss treats them. With some bosses who are truly abusive, it won’t matter how perfectly you do your job, how much you go above and beyond the call of duty, or how understanding you are of your boss’ motivations. In fact, these things can actually mask the real problem and drive you crazy in the process, because no matter what you do, it isn’t enough to change your boss’ behavior. In cases like this, I think it’s important to realize that nothing you do will change your boss and his/her behavior, and that it’s not your fault that he/she acts this way. Whether it’s worth it to stay in the position or best to leave is another issue altogether. But sometimes the knowledge that there is very little you can do and that your boss’ behavior has nothing to do with you or your performance is a great relief as well as a great tool in trying to work through the situation, personally and professionally. You still need to employ a host of emotionally intelligent methods of working with your abusive boss in cases like this – the last thing you want to do is treat your boss or your coworkers poorly out of your own frustration with the situation. But I think it’s important for the point to be clear in this post that there is a bad boss … and then there’s a bad boss.
I was struck by a comment I heard lately – that if you’re a boss, it’s your job to pour into people, so quit complaining if no one is pouring into you.
Interesting, because I think like you said, everyone is human, and all people desire to be known. Especially at work. They want people to know both what they do and who you are.
So if you can become the person who pours into your boss, why not do it? If you can inspire them to be a better manager, it will be a favor not only to yourself, but to your entire workforce. Plus, it will equip you to be a great boss when you get there.
I think it’s a very easy trap we all face in the workplace. Blaming other people for what we can and can’t do, instead of pushing past the assumed constraints and defining our jobs for ourselves.
Excuses are simply that. Whoever they belong to.
@ L – I certainly agree there are different levels of bad bosses, and it’s important to realize when you’re in a situation that just isn’t going to get better. Luckily, I think those situations are rare (I hope!). Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
@ Tiffany – Great comment as always. It’s so difficult to be a boss – and you want to hear that you’re doing a good job too and are inspired by who you work with. Energy goes both ways – spread the good karma! ; )
Good article. I would say that if your boss is really bad over a long period of time, you need to get out of that situation. Your manager is your experience at your company. If he or she fails to be a good managers, it will negatively impact your career. It’s best to start looking for other jobs if things get too much to handle.
I think you have a very positive outlook on your bosses, and I can appreciate that attitude. I think these are great tips for coping with a bad boss.
I have to agree with Dan to some extent though – it’s not in people’s best interest to deal with a truly “bad boss.” Not everyone should be a manager, and a manager who treats you badly will ultimately hurt your career rather than help it.
So use these ideas to cope with a bad boss until you can find a way out of the situation would be my advice. Better advice is to try to circumvent this situation in the interview process, and have enough self-awareness to really find a company and boss you work well with.
Faced with a boss I absolutely loathe, this is a timely post. I like how upbeat yet realistic you are. The simple fact is, no matter how much I might dislike or disagree with my boss, he’s a human being just like I am, and he deserves to be treated that way.
That being said, I’m very fortunate that my current position has led to numerous job opportunities elsewhere, but my loyalty to the company, not the man, keeps me in place. What do you do when quantifiable results prove that your boss’ mismanagement is bad for the company, but the “higher-ups” seem to turn a blind eye?
Seth Godin has a great take on what to do with the worst type of boss:
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2009/01/take-the-ball-and-go-home.html
@ Dan – Definitely, if you can’t improve a situation after trying, it’s time to move on, just like in any relationship : )
@ Monica – I love that you said that not everyone should be a manager, because it’s so true, and yet, most of us have to manage at some point in our working lives – that’s why it’s so important to be understanding on both ends. Thanks for commenting!
@ Robby – That’s a toughie, but I would prepare reports with what you’re doing and copy the team you want to impress, not just your boss. Don’t put your boss down especially if upper-management likes him, just consistently publicize your results. Hope things work out, keep in touch and let me know!
@ Rich – I did something similar with my bully. Sometimes you just gotta : ) Thanks for the link!
It sounds like you’re encouraging us to be the bigger person. Thankfully, I have a great boss now, but I had a wretched boss when I worked at Panera in college. I constantly had to bite my tongue, but I learned a lot from working with her. I learned what I didn’t want in a future boss and what type of managerial style I work best under. Micro-management is no good. It really isn’t
Still being in college I haven’t had much experience with a bad boss except for maybe once. The way I dealt with it was to do things like you outlined there and work to win her over. I did a lot of listening and won her over through accomplishing tasks well that she felt was extremely important. I also worked to really win over staff members that she turned to for opinions and they evangelized me even when I wasn’t around.
Great tips encouraging others to work hard and be positive and optimistic.
I left the bad boss. “Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best.” It may be hard to leave in an economy like this, but one can always look. There is nothing worse than having your soul crushed on a daily basis by an overbearing boss who has little respect for others and treats them like bugs there to be stepped on. In my situation, I think he was under a lot of pressure from his bosses, and probably had some marital issues as well, and unfortunately the stress in his life manifested itself in his poor treatment of employees. It’s not just not worth putting up with. I believe stress is the number one factor in death and disease, and for most people, work is the number one cause of stress.
@ Akirah – I love your story and appreciate you sharing. I think it’s a perfect example of why it’s important to see it as a learning situation, and not completely hopeless.
@ Howard – You used a word that I don’t think anyone else has yet, and I definitely should have – that all-powerful, “listen” – it’s super important to read between the lines of what your boss is saying and respond accordingly. Thanks for the tip!
@ Patrick – Interesting story – it’s great that you were able to recognize what your boss was going through and also recognize that it wasn’t worth it to continue in your position either. You’re right – too much stress is not worth it! Thanks for sharing : )
I’m glad I found my way to your blog – this post really hits home for me, and a big part of it is the age-old generation gap. It’s difficult for young twenty sets to understand old-style management, and visa versa. In response to #3: Discover what your boss cares about and learn to care – what if the values simply don’t align? I’ve definitely learned to suck it up and try to stop complaining, but I appreciate this post as it really puts things into perspective on my end! :)
I agree that there’s a wide-spectrum of “bad” bosses, but I like that your advice all centers around taking action yourself. It’s up to each of us how we manage – or leave – our bosses. Most opportunities (with obvious exceptions) have opportunities to grow – a bad boss could certainly be included in that.
Interesting ideas Rebecca, and there are some big parallel’s between dealing with a bad boss and dealing with a bad team member.
I freelance as a digital producer in ad agencies, and just this week someone on my team on a high profile campaign was being incredibly obstructive. Moaning, whining and taking great care to point out that we didn’t have everything we needed to do what we have to do.
I felt like asking her to shut up and get on with her job – “That’s the reality of it and I’m dealing with it. That’s my job, you go and do yours.”
But I didn’t, because I knew that her moaning was her way of communicating that she cared about the work. I could have brought her up on her attitude and told her to get back to work, but instead I sucked it up and remembered what I’ve always believed about being a good manager.
As a manager and boss, even a freelance one, my job is to create an environment where people on my team can do great work.
So instead of whining back, I’m working hard to make her environment a better one.
What would you tell the boss who tells you on Tuesday that they just set a date to move the office on Saturday to a new location and you are required to participate. AND you have friends from out of town flying in to see you that weekend.
My bosses are just unorganized and no matter how much order I try to get they have these surprise requirements.
I feel like I have to be thankful to have a job right now instead of critical, but it’s completely unreasonable.
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