Month: November 2009

I am not funny. Maybe sometimes I am. I try to be. I often laugh at my own jokes. All good reasons why I found it fascinating to take a peek into the delightful and devious minds behind The Onion in a recent NY times article.

The Onion newspaper was originally founded right here in Madison, Wisconsin, and I occasionally wheeze past the offices that still remain here on my even more-so occasional runs. And back when I had a different job and no car, a co-worker would drive me home and I would make wild faces and gestures towards the Onion conference room window every evening around 5. We’re pretty sure they never, ever saw me. Or they did a really good job of ignoring us.

They must have just been working really hard, because as the Times reports, the process for coming up with insanely entertaining headlines is actually quite regimented:

The staff devotes the first two days of every week to composing headlines, then assigns the articles that will run beneath them and provide a body of supporting jokes…

A Tuesday in October found Mr. Randazzo and nine writers and editors gathered around a conference table in the SoHo offices of The Onion for a headline meeting. Each had a printout of 101 headline contenders, which had been submitted —mostly by one another, with some support staff and freelance contributors also allowed to pitch in — the day before.

“It’s a very specific, regimented format,” said Dan Guterman, the head writer. “You sort of learn the Onion language by rote. We spend hundreds of hours in the room deconstructing the jokes. I don’t think there’s anything comparable to the amount of material we generate and reject just to come up with the week’s headlines.”

Collecting Headlines Funnier Than This via The New York Times.

Paying the bill is something I’ve debated at length with Ryan – not the act of paying it, but how to do it. For instance when I first started dating him, I never knew if he was picking up the bill because when it came, he would just let it sit there. And while I always offered to pay or split the bill, he would always brush me aside and end up paying it. Mystifying.

Later, I asked him about why he let the bill sit on the table and he argued that by paying right away when the bill arrived, we had to leave shortly thereafter. I argued the opposite. By paying when the bill comes, we’re free to stay as long as we want with the added benefit that both myself and the waiter aren’t confused and anxiously awaiting whose credit card will be placed in the black folio.

During hard times however, who pays the bill can be even more confusing when you’re dating, out with friends or on business. The Guardian offers some tips:

Unless I know that someone around the table is really hard up, and has chosen accordingly, I favour just splitting the bill equally – after all, everyone had the option of choosing whatever they wanted, and to nitpick about your risotto being cheaper than his steak can spoil the atmosphere remarkably swiftly. Non-drinkers, of course, should be automatically excused the cost of the claret.

If you are trying to save money (and let’s face it, if you’re going out to dinner, it’s probably not a question of being on the poverty line, more that you’d prefer to spend your cash elsewhere), you can do it subtly.

Economists suggest that people are more likely to order extravagantly when they think others will be sharing the cost, so it would be sensible to explain early on (without fuss) that you’re on a bit of a budget, so you’re only going to have a main course, and then put down what you owe, plus a reasonable tip, as soon as the bill arrives, before anyone can mention splitting it. But unless you’re in dire straits, don’t be mean about it, and ask for the 50p change you’re owed – leave it for the waiter.

Modern Manners via The Guardian.