Penelope Trunk’s latest post on steps to figuring out your next career move only makes sense because most people don’t want the responsibility of change. They will read what she has to say, feel a bit uncertain, but will nod along anyway.
This is good for those people, most people. Most people either don’t have the balls or are not well-equipped to do what they want.
The can cross off the “career-equivalent of winning the lottery,” because that dream was making them feel anxious anyway. And while they love to write, they can see that it gives them some sort of peace to admit that they may not really love it if they never make time for it. They’re good to go with the cubicle.
This is all okay. It’s called settling. And it’s a viable option. A good one that will make you happy.
Some others, well, they’re not settling. They are different from most people. This is the group that seems to find the prize in the cereal box every time. They’re leaning into the wind and winning, and the book industry is making a good deal off the fact that most people want to be just like them.
Along with the crowd that is Oprah, I’m currently reading, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, in which the author predictably states that the book, “can only awaken those who are ready.”
It is both a shame and a triumph that the most banal statements are always the most obvious, the most difficult, and the most necessary.
The only way you can be ready is if you’re ruthlessly transparent, authentic and honest. In the book The Fifth Discipline, Peter Senge argues that a commitment to truth is a “restless willingness to root out the ways we limit or deceive ourselves from seeing what is, and to continually challenge our theories of why things are the way they are.”
This is much different than knowing that you’re afraid to talk to your crush because you have unrealistic expectations of the happy movie ending.
Rather, it’s an advocacy and inquiry that rivals trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Or if you’d prefer, finding the one good-looking guy at the bar on a Friday night.
There is a shortcut, the sound of settling. It’s comfortable like a blanket over your shoulders, spaghetti in your stomach, sex in the dark.
Settling leads to mediocrity. It’s the acceptance of the “good enough” status quo.
Successful people know that the gap between our vision and current reality “can make us feel hopeless. But the gap is also a source of energy,” Senge argues. “Truly creative people use the gap between vision and current reality to generate energy for change.”
In encouraging yourself to rely more on your concepts of reality, rather than your observations, and in discarding your dreams and goals in order to be realistic, to settle, you lose this creative tension.
That’s why Generation Y is uniquely positioned to create real change in our next career move. We’re idealistic and yet keenly aware of the world’s scorecard. We understand, as Senge argues, that “the juxtaposition of the two, the dream and the present reality, [is] the real force for change.”
22 replies on “Figuring out your next career move without settling”
I’ve always been torn about the idea of ‘settling’, because often times responsibilities overshadow my specific goals. Also, I’ve always told myself not to do something I “love”, because doing so would kill that. I’m starting to see that I was wrong.
The energy comes from within and is driven by a passion to make a vision reality.
There’s a fine line here, because I actually know a lot of people who are very happy living the kind of model Penelope argues for. In fact, they’d rather make money at a day job and let what they love be what they do all the rest of the time. I don’t think that always means settling.
This is a tough one for me, because I experience the pressure of trying to do what you love at work and in your spare time constantly. For me, that’s writing. I write and edit, every day, at work. It’s what I love to do – and I always have. I always will be writing, reading, researching, learning, networking. That’s a given for me. It’s part of the fabric of who I am.
But sometimes when I come home at night and try to write, research, blog, etc. for me, it’s overwhelming. Because I never get a break from it. So I there are moments when I end up feeling like I’m working all the time instead of doing what I love all the time, which is actually what is true.
So I can understand how some people would prefer to have their work and their passions seperate – but I also see the value in making your career what your passion is. I don’t know that there’s a right answer to this, but I do think that sometimes people take this too far to the extremes. For example, they end up compromising to the point that career is contradictory to passions. That’s the danger of taking the model to it’s logical conclusion.
Thanks for this post – it’s good to wrestle with these things every once in a while!
@ Norcross – I don’t know that doing what you love should overshadow your responsibilities. When we’re being honest about ourselves and our priorities all the pieces seem to fit, or rather, we know they’ll have a place and we can figure out how later. When I thought about how to articulate all this last night, it seemed to make more sense, so hopefully I’m not confusing you.. :)
@ Dan – Something like that, yes…
@ Tiffany – Thanks for your thoughtful comment! I’m not so much arguing for the need to separate your work from your passion, or make them one.
Hm. Another way to say it is that you mention a lot of people are making money doing at their day job and doing what they love the rest of the time. So say I work in insurance for my day job, and love to ski in my time off. I’m happy, contented and don’t feel the need to examine my life further. But by not examining who I am further, and on a continual basis, I’m losing the ability to be more of who I am. If that makes sense. I think Penelope argues for this as well – for doing and observing, but the post just struck me in an odd way, I guess.
I left a comment whole-heartedly agreeing w/ P-Trunk on this one. There are dreams that simply cannot come true and I feel that the idea that people who aren’t “doing what they love” are just “settling” is false. There are ways to fit in what you love with what you have to do.
I totally get where people are coming from when they encourage making changes and having a “leap and the net will find you attitude.” But, this has a limited usefulness and is not the answer to everything.
There is a funny skit from Saturday Night Live that I thought was too close to reality. It features a spoof of the Oprah Show and the author of “The Secret.” It cuts to a live shot of a citizen of Darfur who says he read the book, but cannot seem to make his dreams come true, all he wants to do is escape mass genocide…pan to Oprah and The Secret Author who reinforce that he simply doesn’t want it badly enough and offer him a free t-shirt instead.
This might be a joke, but the reality is there are situations waaaay beyond some people’s control and no amount of positive mental maneuvering will change that. And while we are talking about cubicle culture, not Darfur, I think the parallel still holds, there are situations that don’t allow some people to move out of the cubicle without facing excessive risk.
Maslow’s heirarchy of needs places things like art, poetry, and following your bliss at the lowest level of human “need” – aka “Self-Actualization.” So, it’s no surprise that when people are trying to decide between a steady job that provides a home, food, and a pleasant life versus becoming a Gypsy Girl, (which is possible) they may often choose steady.
Books like The Secret are meant for the smallest privelaged 2% of the world’s population. Not having read “New Earth” I cannot say if the tone is similar, but I would not think it’s for everyone.
Oh – and this comment is not autobiographical in any way. I for one am living the dream as we speak…you may have seen me in Puff Daddy videos, sipping Cristal???
I’m not entirely sure what you’re saying, truthfully.
This sentence: In encouraging yourself to rely more on your concepts of reality, rather than your observations, and in discarding your dreams and goals in order to be realistic, to settle, you lose this creative tension.
…sums up what you mean to say in one tight little package, I think.
But settling doesn’t necessarily lead to mediocrity, unless there’s a specific job you had in mind when you thought that. I’m thinking that 3 years with a company is settling (I’m at 1.5), cause if I don’t stay for, say, 3 years, I’m not building enough of a base of experience. Every time you change jobs there’s going to be a series of transitions in working with a new team: storming, forming, and norming – change jobs again right after you’ve “normed”, and again you’re not giving yourself enough of a chance to grow. Not that I’m saying you should never leave a job; crappy jobs ARE crappy jobs.
I just want to go ahead and be a critic: your analogies are good and inventive (sex in the dark etc.) – but they don’t apply to the reality of being creative within career building. You’re quoting things that AUTHORS and NOVELISTS are writing, what kind of sense of career-building do most authors actually have? Their job is to emote and attach feelings everywhere – to move with words.
I just think that being creative within a career move requires a realist responsibility.
@ Milena – I love your comments. I totally agree with you that you can and should fit in what you love and what you have to do. That’s life and human nature. And I agree with PT’s post for the practical suggestions, but not the underlying message it sends that we should discard our dreams.
And when I talk about dreams, I’m not talking about those that simply will never come true. You probably don’t really want to do those anyway, but rather those are dreams that society has made you believe are important to you.
Having said that, there is a lot in this world that is actually fairly easy to do. Something I’ve learned as of late. I never thought I would be in the position I am now, and sometimes I look at my life and feel as if it’s a movie. I feel an immense amount of gratitude which is strange and foreign to me.
I think younger generations are to some extent in an advantageous place in this regard because they can become easily networked, should they wish to put in the work, to do anything and be anything just as our parents told us.
I believe that if you want to be in P Diddy video, you could probably pull it off, if that was your authentic dream. But authentic dreams are rarely that superficial, which is why you’ll probably never see either of us arm in arm with Diddy.
I’m not a huge fan of the Secret, nor a proponent, but I do think the idea has been bastardized in the media. Anyone who thinks you can “think” your way to success has a problem. But there is strong evidence to support the claim (read Fifth Discipline) that how we think influences our behavior, actions and life.
I do believe that there is a class divide, which you touch on. When I’m writing, and when Penelope is writing, our audience is mostly middle class. For many of those in our audience, meeting the most basic needs on your hierarchy is not an issue.
That is my audience, as it is Penelope’s. For those of us who have this luxury of being able to debate such issues, we should take responsibility for who we are and maybe do more than just settle. The others who are still looking out for their basic survival aren’t, unfortunately, reading this. And my message to them would be different.
Thank you for engaging in such a great dialogue!
@ t h rive – right on. I love that you’re disagreeing with me. But let me clarify. I’m not defining settling as staying in one position for a long period of time. That has nothing to do with settling.
Settling is a state of mind in which whether you change jobs or not, you’re accepting the status quo and not continually trying to make things better. It’s a myth that we will someday reach the point where we’ll just be happy because everything will have it’s place. Truly successful people know that the goal keeps moving, and it’s the tension, or the gap between that and your current reality that is exciting. You could be experiencing that energy in the same job for twenty years or if you change every two.
As far as who I’m quoting, I haven’t finished A New Earth, so I won’t comment as to it’s relevancy. However, The Fifth Discipline is a well respected career and organizational management book. Peter Senge and his colleagues have it as their career to study what others do to be successful.
I agree you need to be realistic – that is a big part of my theory. Realistic and honest and truthful. And I’m also going to say that emotion is good to. People don’t make decisions based on rationality, but on emotionality. Moving your career forward will require you to manage both ends.
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Rebecca – good good. Also, I’m not particularly disagreeing with you. Hardly, in fact. The difference (and not to brag) is that I am involved in a line of consulting in which I’m MEANT and EXPECTED to help change, and think creatively – we ACT and research for solutions. In that sense I may not settle for status-quo; if ever I was forced to do so I’d leave – making me more Gen-Y than ever, THAT is where we think in parallel.
Also, I…forgot what I was going to say….something to do with I didn’t look into what the books mentioned actually were, so, my fault.
In the words of De La Rocha of Rage Against the Machine – “if we don’t take action now, we’ll settle for NOTHING later”.
Rebecca – maybe we are talking about two sides of the same coin, or perhaps I’m on another planet.
A few things:
1. I would be really interested to hear more about your specific progression to your current position. Who did you know? What did you study? (links?)
2. Are we talking about simply achieving big dreams, or, achieving big dreams without losing your mind, your sense of self? I think there is a distinction.
We see examples such as you can’t be a Gen Y leader and well-rested, or you can’t be the female breadwinner and have a successful marriage. I’ve got to be honest, that’s not the life I want to lead, but find myself a variation on a theme.
And since we are talking about middle class, I’ll bring things to our level. I have a hard enough time getting enough fruits, vegetables, and cardiovascular exercise much less achieving a lot of the goals I hope to see come to fruition, even in the midst of accomplishing a ton…so I guess what I am really arguing for is that we really can’t have it all, something gives along the way, and I think you’ve got to be comfortable with what you are giving up. Security for excitement, big paycheck for meaningful relationships…etc.
By the way, after giving it some thought, I don’t really want Puff Daddy’s life, I want J.S. Bach’s. Besides having a cooler name, he was an accomplished composer and musician, so much so that even today we know who he is and probably anyone could recognize one of his tunes. Additionally, he had a wonderful faith and home life, a whole gaggle of kids and a comfortable stipend from various commissions from churches and nobility. And he didn’t go crazy and die of syphilis like so many of his successors.
Anyways – I really enjoy your website and I’m not so much trying to be contrary as I am trying to sort things out for myself…thanks for verbally sparring with me.
Rebecca,
Thanks for the post. It definitely got a lot of people thinking. Here’s my take:
In “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience,” Mihaly Csikszentmihaly explains that we are at our happiest when we are in “flow” – when we lose ourselves in our task. If you achieve flow in your job, no matter what it is, you will not be settling because you are being challenged; you’re in a state of complete concentration and focus. You can achieve flow by stocking shelves or by writing a novel.
If you look at it that way, we don’t need to love everything about our job. We just need to be doing a task that challenges us, that engages us in some way. It’s not settling. It’s working. It’s making money.
We aren’t all destined to “make real change with our next career move.” But I sure am glad that some will.
@ t h rive – that’s great that you have a good job. And I wouldn’t have minded if you were disagreeing with me :)
@ Milena – The answer to question one is all over this blog.. but maybe I will write a condensed version – something like, how to get your dream job. Anyway, the ultra short version is I came to Madison and knew no one. I came to study journalism, but ended up studying design and environmental studies instead. Neither of which I use presently except in principles.
To answer question two, I’m talking about achieving big dreams without losing your mind. You’re right. Big difference. Maybe I should title the next post how to get your dream job, and survive.
To be clear, I want it all too, but I know you can’t have it all at once. Those are words of wisdom from my mom, and she’s always right ;) .
Thanks again, for the great insight.
@ Angela – Oh, trust me. I know all about flow. I have this thing about entering data, and I really, really enjoy it. It’s strange, I know. And completely geeky. But me and Access, we’re good friends.
This is less about achieving flow though, and more about how the things you’re doing to achieve that flow fit into a larger picture. I don’t love everything about my job. In fact, I dislike a lot of it. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. That’s the point. Life and work aren’t easy. It’s about knowing that and loving it anyway. And I’m going to say that we may not all be destined to make real change, but if you want to, you’ll be able to. Thanks for your comment!
[…] This post about going from bottom to top was inspired by this comment. Thanks, Milena! […]
My main takeaway from Penelope’s column was that we should do something and not allow our perceived limitations/circumstances to hold us back, not that we should “settle” for less. Sometimes, you need to do small steps to get out of a rut…but if you sit around thinking, “I really need to quit this job and start my own company, but I can’t afford to do that now,” you can be trapped by the desire not to “settle” for some other job that might, in some unanticipated way, get you a step closer. When I was in my 20s, “not settling” was a big theme for me too…I don’t know if it was a great mindset or not, but I think I’m a perpetually dissatisfied person! :) There is always something we can improve. Sometimes that comes across as negative or cynical, but I think at heart, I’m an optimist.
Rebecca, you are now officially inside my head, probably in my computer as well. I wrote about Senge a bit today myself…and was forming another about the gap, and here you are speaking my thoughts as well.
In my work I repeatedly see this bottom line, basic human craving to be of value, to make a difference and know that one’s work, one’s life, matters, period. What routinely, predictably steps in the way of that desire and putting it into action is fear, the building block of stuck “mental models,” to borrow Senge’s terminology. Stuck perspectives. When fear augurs in over time, it usually morphs into cynicism and we now conveniently never have to face the challenge of altering the status quo, or dropping our facades and posturing for the discomfort of personal growth.
And, as it follows, we also never get a taste of marrying our passions to our livelihoods.
I would definitely argue that after basic human needs are met, the desire for an integrated, fully lived life — the alignment of purpose and vision — is top of the list.
But here’s the deal, my POV: conscious choice. If I wake up one day and notice something’s not right in my life, and I want something else, something different…and I don’t follow that awareness, that craving–that’s selling out. Settling. No matter if all I want is to be a bank teller in a bigger bank with better benefits. Once I am awake to the desire and still refuse the call, it’s like settling for emotional dissonance, the tectonic plates that chip away at my soul.
2 cents
@ Dave – great points. I just wanted to make sure no one was giving up any dreams :) It’s funny, sometimes I actually do want to settle because it would be easier, and everyone who knows me thinks that I never would. And they’re of course, right. Once you’ve tasted part of your dreams becoming reality, it’s hard not to want more.
@ Lisa – I couldn’t have said it better myself! I often feel like we are mind twins as well, so I’m glad you enjoyed the post. :)
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