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[audio:https://kontrary.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/shortcuts.mp3|titles=The Quickest Way to a Better Career]I hate meeting people. I would prefer to be holed up in my apartment, lovingly arranged to every last detail purely to make me comfortable, than to present myself to the world. It’s not that I actually dislike people, but the whole process. The getting ready, the logistics, scheduling a time, finding a place – nevermind if you can’t meet me in my preferred five block radius. If it’s raining outside, I will cancel. If I have a blemish on my face, I will cancel. If you want to meet for no reason, I will cancel.
Meeting people is like writing is like exercise. All take convincing. You have to talk yourself into it, hype yourself up. Then things go fine. Great even. Sometimes amazing.
Last week, I was in New York for a media tour. That’s where you pack twelve meetings in two days and meet with anyone – editors, reporters, interns – who will listen. And oh, holy crap, how I loved it.
Sure, we could have saved a couple thousand in expenses, and done the same thing over email, or the phone, over web-ex or even text. But the power of face-to-face, to see these people in person, to meet and speak… to have a conversation. Well, if I could do media tours full-time, I would (except, with my own bed at night).
Technology is supposed to make it easier for us to connect, but it actually makes it worse to have a conversation. That’s the argument of Sherry Turkle, a psychologist and professor at M.I.T. and author, most recently, of Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other.
“We are tempted to think that our little ‘sips’ of online connection add up to a big gulp of real conversation. But they don’t,” Turkle argues. “Human relationships are rich; they’re messy and demanding. We have learned the habit of cleaning them up with technology. And the move from conversation to connection is part of this. But it’s a process in which we shortchange ourselves. Worse, it seems that over time we stop caring, we forget that there is a difference.”
Nowhere is this more important than if you’re trying to do something. Build a company. Launch your career. Get a raise. Do anything but settle. Meeting people is the quickest way to success. I used to say when you put yourself out there, the universe rises to meet you, but really it’s your network.
So if meeting people is like fruit, technology is like candy. And the longer we stay in front of our computers, the more sluggish we feel. The anxiety kicks in. So do the excuses. Then it’s just easier to stay home, send an email, and do absolutely nothing.
We convince ourselves that working works. But it doesn’t. So get up. Talk to someone. Have a conversation. Tell me how it goes. Tell me how things start happening for you. It is single-handedly the best thing you can do for your career, company, life.
(Technology gives us shortcuts. This isn’t one of them.)
18 replies on “The Quickest Way to a Better Career”
“Technology is like candy.” Very well put.
I’m helping someone think through an app that actually increases real interaction. I think technology can provide information (shortcut), but it falls way short when it comes to the benefits that exist from real-world meetings, conversations, and time together. And, even with this app idea, it won’t replace face-to-face meetings (the likes of which you saw the benefit in NYC). It may make them easier to happen.
Of note: This month’s Atlantic cover story. Read it.
Definitely already read the Atlantic! It’s my favorite magazine :) I do agree that technology can help facilitate real-life interactions, as long as that’s what you use it for. Too many of us think we can tweet and FB at people and that counts. I was at a conference this past weekend and I went to a keynote a bit early and everyone was looking down at their phones instead of talking to each other. That’s prime networking time! With so many people relying on tech, those who do take the time to meet face-to-face will have such an advantage over those that don’t.
i totally agree with this. i wrote a post once about how the ‘universe is conspiring for you’ but that you have to be unafraid to ask something of it. a lot of this is overcoming fear, not just laziness. what if they say no? what if they think my idea sucks? what if…? who cares?! you’ll never know until you go find the answer. our coworking sessions are a testament to that as well. human interaction gives you confidence and data that you need to keep going.
Yes, I think it is fear a lot of it. Ultimately of not being good enough. Same with exercise. We’re scared to push ourselves. I love your point that “human interaction gives you confidence” – that is so well-put. The more you do it, the easier it is. Thanks for the comment!
Spot on. Totally agree. There’s nothing like meeting face to face to get things done.
Thanks, Clare! Glad you enjoyed it.
I feel the same as you. How I wish I could just stay at home, and do my blogging, my marketing and my web development. But meeting face-to-face is the key that I see advancement in my career… It’s like I have lost my touch of face-to-face communication to the technology communication… I can be really active and open on twitter, but meeting face-to-face I got tongue-tied… I have to do this regularly just like exercising!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Charles. It is interesting that we have to learn to have a conversation and technology comes more innately these days. I often find myself much more eloquent in written word than speaking face-t0-face! I agree, a regular schedule of meeting people does a body (and mind!) good :)
And yes, I am going to break the ice and do my face-to-face communication with the speakers and delegates later in the morning at a Mobile Show Asia conference. (It’s 1.46am right now.)
P/S: Go and google “mobile show asia” and you will know what I am attending right now.
Nice! Good luck, Charles! You’ll rock :)
I rather enjoy meeting up with people. Recently I was on a huge kick to meet all my Twitter followers who lived in or were visiting NYC. In reality, I’ve met maybe one or two of them :P But it was fun to make face to face contact with people. I love to hang out and go on lunch dates or whatever. But that’s how I am – I reach out to people, it’s rarely the other way around. So, unless I make it a habit to try and talk to others, I would have no friends. I’m not sure if other people have this problem as well, I doubt it – other people seem to make friends so easily. I always seem to be the only person who struggles to do so and I have to force myself to be sociable. It’s frustrating.
But – Akhila wrote a really good post about something similar: http://akhilak.com/blog/2012/04/18/how-is-technology-redefining-human-connection/ so maybe there’s something in the air! Haha.
Additionally, I made some new friends at the reptile expo I went to over the weekend, which was pretty amazing. We bonded over our mutual love for snakes and lizards! <3 So networking is fun when you actually have something in common versus in general – then it feels more like chitchat. Which is boring.
I often felt like I am the one always reaching out to people as well in the past. I think sometimes, that’s just how it goes until your network grows. I definitely agree it is a ton easier to meet over common interests vs some goal or no reason at all. Thanks for the link – I’ll check it out!
Is this when I tell you that I’ll be in DC next week and, if it isn’t raining and your blemish free, we should grab coffee? No reason, really, other than it’s been a long time coming.
(And good stuff as always, Rebecca)
Ha, definitely! Shoot me an email on the dates. Hopefully we can make it happen. And thanks!
I did just write a post about this too! – And I completely agree. There is nothing like a face to face connection, and it is so much more enriching than online interactions. The greater the risk, effort, and challenge, the greater the reward.
I enjoyed your post! Thanks for sharing. And why do all the good things take work? ;)
This is very interesting. Even with the rise of social media and technology, still nothing beats the face to face meet up and conversation.
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