“Um… I can’t think of the word.”
I am not the most articulate person in person. It’s something that I’ve had to work on. A lot.
Mostly, it has a lot to do with my personality type. What’s going through my head sounds quite coherent to me, but I tend to say things first and think second. That makes me stumble in the middle of sentences and prefer to put words to paper instead of lips.
I didn’t really know this was a problem until my last job. A position that was all about public speaking. Speaking. Out loud. All the time. But I did well and survived. Here’s how you too can turn your weaknesses into strengths:
1. Do it small and awkward first.
I practiced my first big speech in front of Ryan. Doing speeches is actually much more difficult in front of people you know. Ryan and I weren’t dating at the time and never really hung out, but I thought he was cute and I wore a cute dress in preparation.
And it was so ridiculously embarrassing.
I don’t know what possessed me to think I could speak publicly in front of the guy that I had liked since the moment we had met, but it was awful. I was sweating. I was hot. And then cold. And I couldn’t even look at him. I looked behind him. At the corner.
Lucky for me, it worked. It totally worked and I aced the speech a few days later.
Make yourself uncomfortable before you have to perform for real. Most bloggers I know had a blog before their current blog. Companies test imperfect products with small groups before a launch. Runners do three miles before ten. You’re not the exception. No magic fairy dust for you. Only awkward, pride-swallowing affairs that give you mad confidence and oh-so-valuable experience.
2. Appreciate that weaknesses are your best asset.
The second time Ryan and I ever met and hung out, we got into a huge argument outside of the bar. And then he walked me home and asked why I was so cute when I was so angry. (And no, I didn’t let him come up.)
It’s totally annoying to fight with someone you like, but when you realize that you fight because you care things get better. You see, weaknesses are inextricably linked to strengths. They are the manifestation of fear from the things you want the most. And we avoid things that are scary to us. Like success. And love. And hard work.
But really, it’s not scary to take the first step towards being promoted to bank manager, or writing a book, or learning to swim as an adult, because then you just take another step, and then another.
3. Stop buying into natural talent.
Ryan is constantly telling me, “Relationships take work.”
I huff and I puff and then I agree. Because really, what do I know. I didn’t grow up with an example of a good relationship. Ryan did. My father died when I was in second grade. His parents are still together. My examples were happy endings. His were real people, not characters in a movie.
Nobody is excelling without practice. In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell suggests it actually takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert in any area.
“The people at the very top don’t just work much harder than everyone else,” he reports. “They work much, much harder.”
And according to the 10,000 hour rule, I still have two or three years of serious relationship practice left before I get my happy ending. But even then, happy endings take constant vigilance because happiness is such an attention hog. Nobody ever tells you that, right? Like, usually when you reach your goals/success/nirvana the work is supposed to be over.
But since Tiger Woods isn’t taking a day off, neither can you (except maybe when it’s 83 degrees outside after a Winter in Wisconsin). The real meditation is in the constancy of habit.
24 replies on “3 ways to turn weaknesses into strengths”
Wow, 10,000 hours to become good at relationships. Thank goodness I’ve been practicing since the very early days of high school :P
I wonder if it takes 10,000 hours of sex to be really good at sex too? Lets say the average session takes about 15 minutes, that means you will have to have sex 40,000 times to become an expert at sex!!!
I think by then not even Viagra can help you out…
Anyways, just wanted to stop by and commend you for always adding such personal flare into each of your posts. I’m going to try and incorporate Kim a lot more as well. I think it makes for a better experience and read.
I learned something today… actually… this comment has gone long enough I think. I think I’ll turn what I learned into a post, and then link you on it because it has to do with you as well…
… all good things though :D
– Jun Loayza
Okay. I’m guilty. I read this whole post nodding and agreeing, and then when I was done, I selfishly went straight back to the part where you talked about being better in the written word than on the fly.
I’m totally experiencing this right now. I’m fine in speeches as long as I’m well prepared, and I’m great if I have time to think about what I’m going to say (i.e. an e-mail), but I blow when I’m put on the spot in conference calls.
I guess the answer probably lies somewhere in that third point, more practice. And maybe better preparation. If only there was more time in the day.
As an aside. I love that I read posts by some of the ‘Brazen Crew,’ (though it’s more than that), and here 17 hours away from all my family and best friends, I find myself wanting to have a beer with you, Ryan, Ryan P, Jun, Nisha, Monica, etc.
One day, when we’re all rich and famous I think we must all meet once a year, preferably in the Caribbean and drink beer, pretend to mastermind, and drink more beer.
@ Jun – You crack me up. I’m glad you enjoyed the post and learned something and look forward to your post. : )
@ Ryan – Yeah, I definitely feel where you’re coming from. You can’t imagine my surprise when I totally bombed one of my first phone interviews with a reporter. I always try to get them to do email questions now. Practice does help and preparing what you want to say on paper first is very helpful as well. And anytime you want to come to Madison, we’ll all be ready for a beer! Thanks for the comment.
This is a great post! I always struggle with my weaknesses too, and I think one of the biggest things is: acknowledge your flaws, and don’t be in denial of them. A lot of people don’t want to think about these things, because it makes them feel less than perfect. But before you can improve you have to want to improve. I think that’s important to have.
And besides that, just confront your fears and weaknesses head on! I have the same problem as you. I’m not a very good or articulate public speaker, and though I love talking to people it makes me nervous sometimes. I’m so much better expressing myself through words, thus my blog. And this is a problem because I am afraid to approach professors, sometimes, in my classes. I’m trying to work at it: I made a “Professor Action Plan” haha…in which I wrote down a plan – to talk to each of my professors once before the end of the year. Um, I’m not doing so well on it. But it takes time, you know?
I say: make a plan. A concrete one. On how you will get over your weakness. Because when things are written down, staring at you from your desktop, you are more likely to think about it and put at least a part of it into action.
Relationships take work because they involve more than one person. Even on your own, you can let yourself down. Nobody is perfect. In a relationship you have to work things out with yourself and others. That’s work. You can prepare for speeches, rewrite reports and letters, make an outline for interviews and conference calls, etc., to say exactly what you want, but relationships are a different. You have to ask for and work with others’ ideas and not simply your own. That’s the hardest work. But a boss who has those people skills qualities is solid gold. Working in an environment where relationships are built instead of a chain of command that ultimately makes too many Chiefs and not enough Indians empowers the entire company.
Diffusing arguments is a gift, but it can be learned. First, you have to want to get along more than be constantly right. You have to see the other side and grab onto the parts that you can embrace. Give and take. It’s a dance. Whether it’s an awkward or graceful dance involves that 10,000 hours of practice. But it’s ever so rewarding.
The personal insight you weave into your blogs is charming. Keep it up.
@ Akhila – Right on. It’s definitely important to acknowledge your flaws because if you don’t you’ll never be able to address them! And I love your Professor Action Plan – ha. I often find that not only creating a plan, but also writing down exactly what you want to say helps. Especially for people who talk first, think second : ) Let me know how it goes!
@ Linda – Thanks for the kind comment. I love how you talk about the differences between personal relationships and work, and also how you can diffuse arguments. Lots to think about there!
Good story Rebecca.
It reminds me of a time while working at a large company a girl I knew asked me if I was interested in joining a Toastmasters club she was forming. I agreed as I was actually more interested in her than learning about public speaking. It was truly a sacrifice as the club members met before work at 7 AM. I never did hook up with her but all of us did have a good time and learned a few things … about each other and public speaking.
Great post. So much wisdom. Each bit of effort we put toward something, whether it’s successful in and of itself or a “pride-swallowing affair,” goes into that magic Experience Bank. It’s magic because you can continue drawing on what’s accumulated, and the wealth keeps growing.
I especially relate to this: “You see, weaknesses are inextricably linked to strengths. They are the manifestation of fear from the things you want the most. And we avoid things that are scary to us. Like success. And love. And hard work.”
So true.
What a fantastic post!
You’re absolutely right about it being harder to give presentations in front of people you know – sometimes that means it’s easier to speak than to do the rehearsal you need to do; good for you for having the nerves to practice your presentation!
I’m not sure the 10,000 hour thing is all that helpful though. Setting aside the sceptisism I have about it being exactly right, it can sometimes put people off even trying. They use the fact that they can’t find 10,000 hours to say, in effect: I can’t be good so I’ll spend my time doing something else… they forget that you don’t need to be an expert sometimes, just have something worth saying and a reasonable level of skill.
Simon
S
Can I just say that the idea of giving a speech for someone that I like and just met sounds like absolute torture. I think I’d rather do a strip tease. On a fat day. You’re a brave woman.
Really solid advice, thanks!
Hi Rebecca,
I really liked this post. Somehow you have a knack of writing blog posts that are so perfectly timed (at least for me). Accepting my weaknesses as my asset isn’t that easy, especially since I’m one of those people who needs the energy of other people (i.e. extrovert) but I am really, really shy. So I’ve been trying to learn to just talk to people, even if it is more than two words to the cashier at the grocery store. Don’t know how close I am to 10,000 hours but I just think of it more of keep on trying. :)
Thanks!
@ Mark – Ha, talk about a good story! Yours is hilarious. Although it would have been better if you had gone on a date with the woman ; )
@ Kristen – Experience Bank – love it. Thanks so much for the comment and kind words.
@ Simon – Thanks for the encouragement. I agree about the 10,000 hours thing being a deterrent from trying, and I think that’s a great point. The ability to just do hard work is what matters most. You’ll learn along the way and becoming an expert is the result of it at the end.
@ Marie – A strip tease on a fat day? Now that is something I certainly would not do. Thanks for the comment and making me laugh, as always.
@ Shirin – I’m glad to be of help! I’m not shy, but I can definitely relate to your situation since I’m always afraid I will say the wrong thing. It sounds like you’re taking great steps to move forward : )
Astute comments. In this day and age there are many ‘quick fix’ and emotionally weird approaches to what are actually complex tasks. We all can’t be experts it takes hard work and commitment. Young people, in particular, need to realise that many seemingly simple tasks require sincere and lengthy toil. What they also need to know is that it’s worth it.
Fantastic post, as usual! I prefer to write too. But that’s not always an option, so I practice by talking to myself. A lot. LOL
At my new job, I have an hour or so commute (both ways) and I talk to myself almost the entire time. I practice jokes, stories, responses, etc. It’s a strange habit but I feel like it helps prepare me for when I’m confronted with the issue in real life.
I was so happy when the Bluetooth became popular because passing cars just assumed I’m was on the phone and wouldn’t stare :)
Great post, it’s SO true that nobody is exempt from working hard to excel. I particularly appreciated the comment about taking the first step to writing a book since I just finished my first novel last year and am knee-deep in my second novel.
The hardest part is starting, and it’s totally fine if you suck at first. My first novel is horrible and will likely never see the light of day, but everybody has to start somewhere.
@ Jan – I love your last sentence – “they also need to know that it’s worth it.” That idealism about hard work and reaching your goals is such a motivation. Thanks for the comment!
@ Kiersten – Ahaha, you’re so funny. I sing a lot in my car. A lot. People still stare. I don’t care. I think that’s a great tactic though. For some of my videos, I often practice what I’m going to say on the way to work or on the way home. Productive use of time!
@ Parsing Nonsense – That’s awesome about your novel! And really encouraging too. I love that you are fairly sure that it will never see the light of day but you’re already on your second one. Very awesome.
An underlying theme that should probably be a bullet point is simply that you should engage your weaknesses more often. Whether that be practicing to improve them or just figuring our how to deal with and compensate for them.
Like in business where you end up maximizing the things that you measure (hence measure everything). Paying attention to your weaknesses inherently improves them.
Awesome post, Rebecca. :) It’s easy to wiggle your way around being the best you can by focusing on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. I think it’s awesome you were able to work on your weaknesses with someone you really liked, someone who you put at the top of your list of people to impress — get the awkwardness out of the way with them and you can bet you’ll be able to get through some seriously awkward life and work situations that much easier.
That last tip definitely hit home for me: If you want it you’ve got to work for it, no matter how much talent you have. Makes me feel a little better about fumbling my way around right now! Good stuff. :)
Great post. Everyone can relate because we all have weaknesses. Well, most of us humans anyway. I do believe in natural talent, and I believe we all have them — some people have a lot easier time identifying them than others.
But, I absolutely agree that we need to work for improvement and/or perfection. You may have a natural talent of rhythm but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to practice dancing!
Those weaknesses – or gaps in our strengths – just need a little bit more attention.
(p.s. Can totally relate to the speaking thing. And, the writing thing, for that matter. Practice may not make perfect, but it make much, much better!)
Rebecca, I really love your posts. Like seriously, I get excited when I see them in my reader. I just read this one and an old one you linked to out loud to my sister.
Why do I love your blog so much? You are so real about your awkward, successful, embarrassed, ambitious, complete dichotomy of a young professional woman’s life as you navigate thru everything everyone else is going thru in their 20’s.
As for practicing your speech on someone you liked, my gosh! I practice in front of a mirror or my sister, but have gotten more into a habit of winging it. It’s always good to know you can trust and believe in someone enough to depend on them like that, but that’s just brave!
I feel like another underlying sentiment to your post is beyond embracing the weakness, but also learning to take that leap into the unknown. It’s easy to get comfortable…it’s a lot harder to take the first step, continue down a path, and learn not to rest on your laurels.
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This is a really cool and insightful post! I’m new to your blog, and I love it! Way to be transparent.