I like motivational talks. Like this one from Gary Vaynerchuk. I get all excited and pumped and ready to work.
Then I get stuck. Interminably stuck. Because I’m really excited and pumped to work, but for what? I’m a lucky person, but I wonder is this it? Really? Because I thought there might be more.
Marcus Buckingham of the Wall Street Journal gets it. “This is a deeply anxious and insecure generation,” he argues. “On the surface they look self-confident, [but] deep down they know that they don’t actually know what it takes to win.”
Apparently it’s going to take a decade of wandering for us to figure it out. New York Times columnist David Brooks describes this new Generation Y life stage as the Odyssey Years – a decade of exploration and experimentation (via Tammy Erickson).
“During this decade, 20-somethings go to school and take breaks from school,” Brooks reports. “They live with friends and they live at home. They fall in and out of love. They try one career and then try another.”
And all this unbridled choice has us delaying marriage, children, and permanent employment – accomplishments that have traditionally defined adulthood. Not for Gen Y though. Brooks reports that fewer than 40 percent of 30-year olds have achieved these things versus 70 percent forty years ago.
The consequences of our aimless wandering delay adulthood, but also our chance at genuine happiness. Generation Y’s passion is defined by our idealism, not our pragmatism. So while it may seem like we’re enjoying our freedom, research shows that we’d be a lot better off with more structure, less choice, and working through problems instead of moving on to our next big adventure.
We need more accountability. We need restrictions. Because passion needs direction. It needs filters, and red tape, and four walls. Passion needs to be challenged to be passion at all.
This is the fascinating juxtaposition that is Gen Y. We crave structure, efficiency and effectiveness, and yet, we “have a huge willingness to believe in a grand vision of things — both [in ourselves] and the world,” Buckingham reports.
But grand vision makes it dangerously easy to be underwhelmed at the banality of everyday life. Too much choice keeps us reaching and searching and never doing anything at all.
“When our ambition is bounded it leads us to work joyfully,” happiness expert Daniel Gilbert reports. So Generation Y can keep wandering. Or we can open a door and see what happens when dreams hit reality.
33 replies on “Gen Y needs boundaries for action”
Here is the part that is hard about all of this: Gen Y tends to perform really well – when someone else draws those necessary boundaries for us.
An example: a syllabus in a college class creates the structure we need to thrive, create, rebel – whatever we define that passion as.
Now, having the big “D” personal Discipline to create and seek out our own boundaries is the next big step to discovering personal success, or passion, or whatever it is people in thi s generation are looking for.
Discipline creates freedom, is another way of putting it. :)
Think back to your childhood. This generation has been arguably the most restricted, the most “kept safe,” the least able to adventure from dawn til dinner without parents knowing, the most overbooked in planned activities. Lack of freedom, while not traditional restriction, can create self-restrictive tendencies, no? So I’d argue that when presented with too much choice, the tendency is not to choose because choices were made all too often early in life for you. It’s no wonder, really.
Great Post, Modite!
Is this really a Gen Y dilemma or is this just a problem that appears with every generation. Growing up my parents always referred to some people as DINKS (Double Income No Kids). Also going through college there was always a handful of people 10+ years older still trying to sfigure out what they wanted to do with their lives. I do believe that as a whole there is much less accountability for Gen Y, but I also believe that Gen X is afraid to give up the reigns when they themselves just gained control.
“The consequences of our aimless wandering delay adulthood, but also our chance at genuine happiness. ”
YES.
Great post. No one has lived life as a geny-er yet! We’re the first to explore and navigate life in these shoes, something I’m personally excited about.
This “fascinating juxtaposition” is something to be embraced. Guidance is important and necessary as we begin to navigate life as adults, but the freedom to explore, wander, and say “no thanks!” to guidance is also important.
One step at a time, day by day- it’s a balance.
Again, great post.
@ Tiffany – Agreed. When I was running an organization and in charge it was much more difficult to get the motivation to create boundaries that would drive success.
@ Betsy – Interesting perspective – on the one hand, I do feel like a lot of choices were made for us when we were younger, but that all of the activities also opened the world up to us and gave us all the opportunities in the world which is overwhelming and a bit paralyzing… thanks for making me think!
@ Jason – Of course I think every generation experiences this to some extent in their twenties, but for Gen Y I think it has been magnified and research shows this. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
@ Meghan – Thanks for the comment and for the Gen Y optimism and encouragement… I have a feeling we’re going to need it : )
As a Gen-X-er I have found that many of the Ys that come into the workplace struggle with setting their own pace for learning and completing assigned tasks.
Tiffany and Betsy have hit the nail on the head with their comments on discipline and the paradox of having too many choices. See this TED video for more on that http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice.html
@Jason, you are very close to being right about “giving up the reigns”. As a Gen-X entry-level-employee it truly grated on me to endure the complaints of the Boomer middle-mgmt waiting for their turn to “be in charge”. There were just so many of them and it was my perception that they felt they were *entitled* to some reward, simply by showing up.
It’s hard to escape the mind-set of “I paid my dues, now you pay yours”.
So I got out of that environment, away from the office politics and spent 14 years in a field (hospitality mgmt) where ability counted much more than who you know (it’s *really* hard to fake being a bartender).
I am really concerned about the Millenials, since no one tells them “no” in school or at home, and they are not learning about competition for resources in the real world (from what I have seen of these kids in my own experience. Your results may vary).
Personal discipline, integrity, and accountability are issues that every generation has to deal with. I suspect that Gen Y will do a good job of it, especially as the current economic situation is creating an environment of limited choice for almost everyone.
Pressure makes diamonds, folks.
Friends and I discussed over the weekend that until we know where we’ll stay, this frenetic, stupid, hapless pace of living will continue. It’s self-perpetuating. If someone sat us down and said “listen, this is where you’re staying for the rest of your life. You cannot leave.” it’d make choices a lot simpler, but none of us would want that.
Self-discipline comes with age… some people have more of it than others.
[…] by a post by Rebecca Thorman at Modite: Gen Y Needs Boundaries I like motivational talks. Like this one from Gary Vaynerchuk. I get all excited and pumped and […]
@hdbbstephen – Thanks for sharing your comment here too! I love that TED video (big fans of all their stuff), and agree that you need discipline in order to deal with the vast amount of choices. I love that you shared your experience in escaping office politics and paying dues to focus more on ability.
@ JR – I mean, yes, I wouldn’t want to be told this is the only path now, but in some ways, I do kind of want that – it would make life simpler and easier and oh-so-less stressful. I’ll try and wait patiently for wisdom to come with age, but patience isn’t my strong suit ; ) Thanks for the comment!
Reality kind of stings. But once you hit the wall immediately out of the gate you have a better sense of what you want to do and how you want to accomplish your goals.
I personally want to utilize the best things about our generation and try to become massively successful with them. However, I’m not an idiot and realize that a ton of grunt work exists before we can take this ambition to a place in reality. Learn, listen and wait. We’ll get our shot.
I completely agree and feel way personally all the time. I can come up with a million things to do, a million idea, dozens of different directions and be filled with ambition, but if I don’t have something specific I’m working on, I feel like I end up just spinning my wheels. My solution this year has been post-it notes. Making lists and setting predetermined goals for myself the day or night before always gives me a little self restriction that helps me focus my concentration in a productive way. Great post, I might post a follow up on my own blog soon =)
@ Stuart – Your keep on keepin’ on attitude is great, and is exactly what I’m trying to be cultivate more of personally. Stuff does take work, but sometimes I wish – just once, pretty please? – that things would magically happen ; )
@ Preston – Exactly. I’ve been doing elaborate lists lately as well and it has helped me a great deal. Thanks for sharing your story and for the reminder!
Structure is necessary. Bottom line. It’s funny to me how unwilling our generation is, collectively, to accept structure and routine. Is it because it’s boring? Is it all about craving spontaneity? Is it just a reluctance of being ‘tied down’ – wanting a million different things from a million different places? Maybe I am just an anomoly, maybe I’m an exception to the Gen-Y rule. I love diversity and spontenaity as much as the next guy, but I also value and REQUIRE my life to have some routine.
Right now, in my life, things are crazy. I’m being pulled in a million different directions in both my personal and professional world – but the one thing that keeps me sane, the one thing that keeps me focused, is the knowledge that I am pushing toward establishing structure, striving to provide routine to my life. I think ultimately that’s what we all are working to accomplish. At our core, we all function better and become more well rounded when we’re able to establish routines and consistency. Great post Rebecca!
This is a great post, Rebecca. This sentence sums up what’s most interesting to me: “So while it may seem like we’re enjoying our freedom, research shows that we’d be a lot better off with more structure, less choice, and working through problems instead of moving on to our next big adventure.”
I’ve thought a lot about this the past ten years, mostly as a way to locate a silver lining when faced with how bound I am by place and people and a variety of circumstances. What I’ve found is that working through a less-than-perfect situation, and seeing what’s redeemable in it, is one of life’s most rewarding experiences.
I was just thinking about this. Thinking…is this it? Is there more out there? I feel like I’m very settled and stable right now, but that I can’t even look 6 months ahead of my life because I still feel like a bit of a tumbleweed.
“The consequences of our aimless wandering delay adulthood, but also our chance at genuine happiness.” I firmly believe this. Although structure is helpful and gives us a vision and boundary to move forward with, wandering can also lead to structure.
Awesome post – I really think your question is timeless, ‘what’s it all about?’ but is especially pertinent to an age group that really has no boundaries and, for most of us at this juncture in life, no major responsibilities (mortage payments, childcare, supporting a spouse, etc.).
I also think it’s important to remember that ‘The Grass is Always Greener” – that’s just the human condition. It’s an interesting place to be – the other day my roommate and I just leapt out of the car to go to our local farmer’s market, while a mother single handedly struggled to get both toddlers out of the carseats and strapped into stroller. She said to them rhetorically, “See how they just get out of the car and go!” Kinda made me shudder.
I also think there are ‘social stigmas’ placed on people that don’t explore for a bit – I’m from Kansas and I would venture to guess that 80% of my 2003 graduating class is either married, engaged, r has started a family. That works there, but in most of the US (esp. in big cities like NYC and LA) it’s considered ludicrous. Colorado seems to have a nice balance, but I still feel like if I got married at 24 (my current age) people would frown upon it.
I do it too – if someone hasn’t backpacked or moved out of their hometown I think they’re a little nuts. But, all the ‘Gen Y self exploration stuff’ isn’t for everyone, and sometimes I wonder if the people that already have children at my age aren’t just as happy.
@ Matt – A lot of Gen Yers value structure, we just don’t know how to get there, and indeed, like many of the commenters stated above, it takes a lot of work and discipline. Thanks for the comment!
@ Kristen – I like your life attitude and is a good reminder for me as I keep trying to structure my own life. Good to hear someone who has come through doing okay ; )
@ Grace – Your post inspired this one! I actually had this written a couple months ago, but dug it up after seeing yours on 20-somethings, so thanks. Tumbleweeders unite!
@ Erica – I love your comment because it brings up a lot of things that I have been wrestling with lately, and shows me that it is all going to be okay… so thanks : )
Why should the business world to cater to our generation’s lack of direction and loyalty? It’s not anyone’s responsibility but our own to identify our weaknesses and find solutions to bring value to our organizations. As a generation, we’ve got a lot of damage control to do on our reputation.
Ok…I’ve been thinking about this post for a couple hours now. :) As always, I’ve been left with more questions than answers.
First, @Erica, I don’t know if you’ll read this or not, but I am from CO (still live here…would never dream of moving), I was married @ 22, had my first child @ 23, bought a house @ 25. I think it depends on who your peers are with relation to ‘settling down’ – my co-workers (all gen-x – baby boomers) suggested “living”, “You’re only young once,” they said. “I value my sleep,” I retorted, HOWEVER, the majority of my peers all married young – 21-24. Could be that like attracts like.
I digress.
So. I have 2 jobs (yeah so I like to juggle a lot) – I am a ‘supervisor’ for both…long story. One is with a non-profit. Because of the nature of the business, we attract a lot of young folks. Nothing against them, I fall into this category, but this article has confirmed that Gen Y has a hard t time (who doesn’t) working without boundaries. The hard part for an employer, is that, unless the employee is 100% sold out for the mission behind the company, when the boundaries are imposed (after they fail to set them up) they are out, and off to the next thing. I would rather hire someone older than me, than someone of the same generation. This is not to say that the generations before us were without fault. But the fact is, Rebecca you’ve pointed this out before, is that we have had everything ‘spoon fed’ to us…our parents were helicopters, and with out them we are lost.
I agree @Melonie, that we have a lot of damage control to do. It’s difficult to teach a generation (or one at a time!!) that they need to grow up (maybe just more than moving out of mom and dad’s house) and become responsible adults. When I was in college, one of the classes I took was adolescent psychology. I discovered adolescence has been extended from 18 to 23 (this was 5 years ago…who knows, 30 could be the new 18)! YIKES!! This is scary, I think!! Are we SO irresponsible, that the age to ‘become’ an adult has also changed?
so my questions. How do responsible Gen Yers teach the irresponsible Gen Yers (ultimately our children, who will be of the same generation). And how does this translate into the business world, where I would assume, there are more leaders than one or two? Time is money, and I appear to be wasting a lot of it by hiring Gen Yers. :(
Thanks, Rachael for re-iterating my points. As I said before, having a child at 23 might be right for some people, and isn’t a determination of your self-fulfillment or happiness.
The average age for first marriage in the United States for females is 26 as of 2008, so yes, you did get married young, http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005061.html, but more power to you since that was the right decision for you.
I think that ultimately, at the end of the day, everyone just wants to feel fulfilled in some way or another. This fulfillment comes in many forms, but when I said ‘the grass is always greener’ I meant that the mommy struggling with the kids might have been envious in that instant of my ‘freedom’, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish I was around more family at times.
Gen Y’ers that are attempting to find happiness by, as Rebecca said, “… live with friends and they live at home. They fall in and out of love. They try one career and then try another.And all this unbridled choice has us delaying marriage, children, and permanent employment.”
Ask anyone actually doing this and they will tell you that at times, it is quite lonely. And I don’t think that unless you’ve walked in those shoes, you can understand it.
Different strokes for different folks.
Gen-Y Americans grew up with “You can do it!” and “Reach for the stars” decorated across gyms and classrooms. Other countries don’t have this individualistic drive. While these sayings were intended to create leaders, Gen Yers expectations for their jobs and life fulfillment is high and often not matched.
In this respect, we are spoiled. We are spoiled because we have the time and resources that allow us to wander for a couple years trying to “figure ourselves out.” Previous generations didn’t have this option. You went to school, worked, and got married. This is a different time, where we are privileged with more time to make these choices- in finding a career, choosing our friends, spouse, and where we want to live.
And yes, we need those restrictions and boundaries. Unlimited choice can be paralyzing- even for Gen Y :)
ps-I love David Brooks…good stuff there!
-Carla
Wow–so glad you replied to me on twitter as this is EXACTLY what’s on my mind. Hoping after a few glasses of wine, Real Simple magazine and some jazz, I’ll be ready to blog about it.
Just today, I’ve been in this weird place. I’ve now been in CA for a few days over a year, have moved twice with another move in a few weeks and am now on job #4…in less then a year. Granted, not all of those changes were within my control, but good gosh…I’m wondering what the heck is going on.
As always, miss you…come to SF like NOW! :)
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[…] Gen Y needs boundaries for action by Rebecca Thorman […]
“Apparently it’s going to take a decade of wandering for us to figure it out. New York Times columnist David Brooks describes this new Generation Y life stage as the Odyssey Years – a decade of exploration and experimentation (via Tammy Erickson).”
I completely agree with this. For the 20-somethings that have found their niche and are extremely successful right now, we envy you, because most of us are doing a lot of wandering and figuring out how to accomplish our dreams.
I wish I’d had more time to explore my options when I was younger. I went from school into into work into kids and have rarely stopped to take a break. I say stop worrying. Enjoy your freedom while you can. I don’t mean that you should be irresponsible or aimless in your pursuits, but there will be plenty to time later to assume the burdens of responsibility.
Let me share something personal to show how I agree with you and why:
I’m from Argentina. I have no relatives in the US, or any other country in the world. And yet, I think that I belong somewhere else, in the US, Australia, I don’t know, but I think that WHATEVER I WANT, I can get it. That I can go and live in the US, or Australia, or wherever.
I blame this globalized world. The internet for example. Coming in contact and being able to see and know about so many things that aren’t part of our everyday lifes, lets us want more. Makes us want everything. Makes us think that any choice is do able.
SOME level of conformity is necessary. Excess in ambition does exist.
This is good writing. A great post. I read you for more than a year, and you have been getting better with each post. Congratulations Rebecca.
[…] Gen Y needs boundaries for action: I find that often when I’m reading Rebecca’s blog I feel like she’s writing a conversation I’ve been having my head at that time. This post is a definite example of an internal debate I’ve been having lately – the 20 something struggle between boundaries and freedom. […]
This is such an interesting perspective on Gen Y. We are thoughtful, driven, passionate people, but we don’t always know how to follow through. Although our generation is often characterized as free spirited change seekers, I think you’re right that we do need boundaries to accomplish our goals. Passion does need direction if we want it to amount to anything. That said, we have to be careful not to limit ourselves because we still need to be able to dream. Great post, Rebecca!
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wow. welcome to my life. i really couldn’t have said it better myself.
i feel like i’m stuck in a permanent “in between time” right now. have hated my past 2 jobs, and looking for another. engaged. living at home. want to just move out and get married and feel more settled into how i want things to be…
thanks for this!
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