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Accountability Happiness Knowing yourself Productivity Self-management

Here’s What Smart People Know That the Latest Fads, Diets and Lifestyles Don’t

You can eat fat by the pails of lard now, but no carbs. Or try an all-meat diet. Or just eat raw veggies. I have never understood diets. Or “lifestyles” as diets are now called. These days you’re not on a diet, you change your lifestyle. No longer are you buying into a temporary act, but a permanent change.

Ever notice how every diet has a detailed system for you to follow? Complexity is added so that a product is new and novel to the customer. The result is the answer. That thing you’ve been missing. You just didn’t know the right rules to follow.

I have a better lifestyle for you. It can be boiled down to one word, and that word is not FAT, MEAT, or RAW. This is a special word, a magic system that not only serves as a recipe for what you eat, but a playbook for how to live your life. This single word? The only rule you’ll ever need? This passphrase that unlocks decades of research you’ve never read? It’s moderation. Oh, so boring right? You probably think you’ve tried moderation before. That you gave it a fair shot and moderation did nothing for you. But you’d be wrong.

Moderation comes from the Latin “moderare” which means “to control.” It avoids excess and extremes, and encourages a life in the middle. Synonyms for moderate include self-restraint, self-control, self-command, and self-discipline. Which explains why we avoid moderation like the plague; we possess none of those things.

Moderation Over Time
Source: Google.

Back to food, the number of choices on what to eat alone are mind-boggling. The grocery store is a veritable jungle of sights and tastes and nutritional value competing for a place in our bodies and minds.

With so much choice, it’s no wonder we turn to diets – er, lifestyles – to reduce the number of decisions we have to make. Doesn’t it make it easier? Aren’t we special? So we believe. But the limits of one only encourage the excess of another. And the yo-yo-ing between these two extremes can be nauseating.

Under the facade of science, we tweak these lifestyles to ever-more detailed minutiae. Now add acai! Now subtract lactose! Armed with such complex rules the next time you open the fridge, you feel control. You’ve got this nut figured out. (Wait, can you eat nuts?)

But make as many food substitutions as you’d like, external rules will never be a replacement for your own self-discipline. Here’s the thing. You already know everything you need to be successful. Take a breath. You know the choices to make. We fill our time with personal development books and new tomes on eating and the latest green smoothie recipe because we don’t trust ourselves, maybe don’t even like ourselves. (And hey, that’s a good instinct to have; companies are now spending millions and billions of dollars perfecting the addictive crunch of a chip until the whole bag is gone, the auto-play of the next episode until you’ve watched the entire season, the notification alert until all of your time is spent.)

We do need rules, tricks and defenses to put up against the new, the shiny, the distractions, the temptations – even if those are couched in kale and productivity. Extremes are extremes, no matter which end of the spectrum they lie. So break out your arsenal. Just be careful you aren’t trading one extreme for another. Don’t fear one extreme so much that you live under the supposed protection of another. When in doubt, eat a donut.

Moderation is a simple concept. There is nothing that cannot be moderated. Your actions, your desires and thoughts can all live by one simple rule, one magic system. But we don’t do it. I think that’s because moderation is not fun in the moment. But smart people know moderation need not exist in every moment, only over time. The moments stacked one on top of another become a fortress against the latest fads, diets and lifestyles. All good things come over time.

So the next time someone asks you, instead of saying you’re “fasting” or “juicing,” just say you’re “moderating.” People might chuckle, roll their eyes in exasperation, or secretly be glad they know the latest research that you are clearly unaware. But keep trucking on, eating your your cheese and your beans and your brussel sprouts and your chocolate almonds, and f*cking enjoy your life.

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Happiness Knowing yourself Love What You Do Productivity Self-management Time management

Don’t Trust Your To-Do List
(It’s Crap)

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[audio:https://kontrary.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/DontTrustYourToDoList.mp3|titles=Don’t Trust Your To-Do List. It’s Crap]

One of my productivity secrets is obsessive singular focus. Give me a task, and I’ll put my head down and get ‘er done. Ryan likes to joke that the last time we moved, he left for work from one apartment, came home to a different one, and the location was the only thing different. I’m that good.

Once there is a goal in front of me, I throw everything at said goal to achieve it. That time we planned our wedding? Most big rocks were complete in 24 hours. Site redesign? Give me a weekend. Total career change? I need a month, max.

One after another, I devote my energies to each goal like a monogamous relationship. And for awhile, it works. Until it doesn’t. This magical productivity train (choo! choo!) stops when obsessive singular focus requires you to ignore everything else that’s important. And because you lose sight, you get overwhelmed. The productivity train slows, then stops.

Last Friday, the train didn’t slow or stop, it derailed. I had been working on merging our financial accounts for about a week. What shouldn’t have been too arduous a process was made more difficult by multiple attempts (like, a thousand calls) to verify my identity with our new bank. I finally got the accounts open Friday afternoon and Ryan said he would change his bills to our new joint accounts on Sunday.

Ahem.

SUNDAY? TWO DAYS AWAY?

Not only had I spent many logistical hours getting our accounts in place, but I had spent many more hours creating new budgets for our joint finances, and most importantly, I was READY. TO. BE. DONE. To cross this task, its sub-tasks, the whole freakin’ thing, off my list.

When Ryan went to pick us up dinner, I called my mom. “Can you believe it? He wants to do it on Sunday!”

“Well, it doesn’t all have to be done right now, does it?” she said.

My mom, ever-the-mediator. I took a breath.

No, it didn’t have to be done then and there. Not at all. In fact, there would be no dire consequences if Ryan changed the accounts on Sunday instead of Friday.

I took another breath. And really, if I had permission to not do things right away, just because it was on my list, maybe I could enjoy our Friday night, and Saturday, and Saturday night.

One more breath. Yes, of course, Sunday was fine.

We live in an achievement-oriented culture, where we add things to our to-do list, even when they’re already done, just to cross it off. The art of getting things done is more important than what we’re doing. Compile the weekly report. Done. Grocery shopping. Done. Write. Done. Exercise. Done. Meditate. Four out of five ain’t bad. But just because we measure by the numbers doesn’t mean we’re complete.

Climbing can be exhausting and I’ve tried to opt out. Not out of hard work, mind you. We glibly talk about first-world problems, but when your food and shelter needs are met, and you get down to the horrifying work of being a decent human being, sitting with your mind day-in and day-out, there are no easy problems. When you’ve stripped the titles and money and accolades, it can be more than difficult to just “be you.”

Not convinced? Witness the existential crises the most privileged among us face: the have-it-all graduates of the Ivy League. In a bracing essay for The New Republic, former Yale Professor and author William Deresiewicz argues “our system of elite education manufactures young people who are smart and talented and driven, yes, but also anxious, timid, and lost, with little intellectual curiosity and a stunted sense of purpose: trapped in a bubble of privilege, heading meekly in the same direction, great at what they’re doing but with no idea why they’re doing it.”

So we fill our time. With weekly reports. Daily lists. Merging financial accounts. We make things that don’t need to be priorities super important. So we feel important. So that we have meaning. So that we feel we’re on this Earth for some sort of reason.

Me too. I’m super competitive, despite never getting above fifth place on track or speech team in high school (FLUKES, I tell you). I’m good at what I do. I was groomed for the new American Dream where your email open rate counts for more than the type of car in your driveway. I love seeing numbers going up-and-to-the-right whether it’s revenue or minutes per run. Tracking. Self-quantification. Besting my personal best.

And me too. I’m hard on myself. Way too hard. It’s okay not to do it all. It’s okay not to have it all. I have to remind myself.

Obsessive singular focus is a magic potion. But it can be poison. It depends on the task at hand. But here’s a tip: Don’t trust your to-do list. It’s crap.

If you want to work on what matters, new spots are now open for the next round of Accountability Friend, wherein you invest in whatever your heart desires, and I become your accountability friend for two weeks. Click here to take control of your time, and take responsiblity for your life.

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Productivity

6 Productive Ways to Avoid the 3 PM Slump

Three o’clock in the afternoon: the time when you can barely keep your eyes open, let alone get any work done. If you’re struggling with motivation, take heart that there are more options besides staring off into the distance. Over at US News and World Report, I talk about six ways to stay productive during your afternoon slump. Read it here.

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Networking Productivity

6 Ways to Build Your Network Online

Whether you’re making a career change or trying to find potential clients to add to your pipeline, networking is your best strategy for success. You don’t have to leave your office to get started; use online networks to meet and connect with the right people immediately. Over at US News and World Report, I talk about six ways to build your network online. Read it here.

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Productivity

How to Do Work that Gets You Noticed

Don’t get passed over for the next raise or promotion at work. Over at US News and World Report, I talk about seven strategies to do work that gets you noticed. You’ll find effective and efficient ways to get the job done, and discover how to prepare for a successful climb up the career ladder. Read it here.

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Productivity Workplace

5 Reasons Meetings Don’t Actually Suck

Too often meetings are unproductive. Employees complain about the lack of agenda, the fact that nothing gets accomplished and the time it takes to complete. But meetings can be positive and—dare I say it—they can also be fun. Over at US News & World Report today, I talk about the five reasons to get excited when your next meeting is called to order. Read it here.

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Productivity

How to Achieve Inbox Zero

I am an inbox zero fanatic. I like organization, and no clutter – at home and at the office. As a result, I manage to clear all my emails every few days. Over at US News and World Report today, I share the five strategies I use to do it. Read it here.

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Productivity Work/life balance

5 Healthy Habits for Productive Work

Did you know? Healthy employees are nearly three times more productive at work, which translates to 140 working hours versus 45 working hours. Over at US News and World Report, I talk about five healthy habits to build your productivity and career. Read it here.

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Productivity

6 Apps Guaranteed to Increase Your Productivity

You might know about Dropbox, Evernote, and Highrise. But do you know about the next generation of apps poised to help you in the workplace and grow your business? Over at US News and World Report, I suggest six apps that are guaranteed to increase your productivity and maybe even help save your sanity. Read it here.

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Productivity Time management

7 Productivity Traps for High-Performers to Avoid

As high-performers, we enjoy getting things done and relish the act of crossing items off our to-do list. But it’s easy to get stuck in the feeling of productivity, without actually doing anything productive. Over at US News and World Report today, I reveal the seven productivity traps you need to avoid. Read it here.

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Productivity Workplace

The 4 P’s of Good Emails: Personal, Purposeful, Persistent, Polite

May we all benefit from better email etiquette! Over at US News and World Report today, I talk about the four P’s to writing a great email pitch. Read it here, and stop composing bad messages. 

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Productivity Self-management Time management

How to Do Work You Normally Procrastinate

When I procrastinate a lot, it’s usually a sure-fire sign that my priorities have shifted, and my to-do list hasn’t caught up yet.  Alas, the task still needs to get done!  Over at US News and World Report recently, I shared my ten fail-safe strategies to avoid procrastination. Read it here, then share what works for you to stop procrastination in the comments.