Categories
Self-management Work/life balance

The best thing for self-management

On Saturday afternoon, I bound out of my apartment, anxious to press the reset button. A few seconds later, I inhale the smell of rubber and metal and new carpet as I walk into the gym next door.

I go to my usual spot, the corner on the second floor where there are large views of the parking lot across the street and the Capitol building up the road. There are new elliptical machines today, and I stop short.

I remember the delivery truck a few days ago now, outside my building, the shape of the logo, the name lost in my memory. I was walking home in high heels when I saw it, and the arches of my feet hurt from the recollection.

The new machines are much taller and I step onto one carefully. I press the “Start” button. Nothing happens. I press it again, three, four times. Nothing. I look around me. Everyone else is running and moving and sweating. I push the “Start” button on another machine. No better. I come back to my machine, push all of the buttons, push them sequentially over and over, as if the machine will magically wake up to my prodding. Nothing. Finally, I think to move my feet and the machine lights up with a message. I smile a little.

I’ve come in the middle of the Badger football game, and the score hasn’t changed since I left my apartment. I’m acutely aware that I am watching a dead man walking as the Badgers move across the field, quietly falling from their pedestal.

I notice there are only two guys in the room now. One is on the elliptical two machines over. The other is behind me, diagonally, pounding on a treadmill. They’re both wearing Badger red. The color bounces in and out of the corner of my vision.

After a few minutes my whole body is screaming for me to stop after staying up so late the night before. I want to crawl back into bed, so I push harder, fighting myself. Fighting the Badger’s losing score. I look past the television and out the window. It is cloudy out. Groups of people walk by below. I start to push harder and harder so that there are moments where I am only thinking of my body moving past its limits, where I am only thinking about breathing and nothing else.

After awhile I go into the aerobics room, grab a mat, and sit in front of the huge wall of mirrors, looking at my sweaty face without makeup. My cheeks are flushed the color of raspberries, and I bend my head down towards my knee, watching myself in the mirror. There is a small window in this room that looks onto the charcoal-colored bricks of the building next door, and a triangle of gray sky. I look at it from upside down, and wish it were sunny outside.

I rotate onto my back and watch the fan above me, turning slowly, the emblem “Big Ass Fans” written in large white block letters in the center. I wonder how “Big Ass Fans” exists in today’s world without a swarm of offended protesters. A woman is outside of the room and she is taking longer than necessary to put on a black hood, a pair of black gloves. I watch her in the mirror and don’t allow myself to switch positions until she leaves.

It is quiet, and my shirt is sticking to my back. I am done stretching, and sit on the mat just staring at myself. I wonder if there are cameras behind these mirrors, or if it is a two way mirror, someone watching me watch myself. I stand up, pick up my towel, press next on my iPod. I feel my legs and shoulders preparing to ache later on in the day.

I walk out of the building. I feel good. Like nothing can go wrong again. The kind of good that only comes when you push against yourself, and there’s you and no one else, and you win.

Healthy habit.

Categories
Knowing yourself Self-management

Narcissism is good for success

Hercules and I went to a friend’s housewarming party on the lake this weekend. We sat and stood and laid on the dock while the dogs and boats and swimsuits blurred by. We talked about what fantastical lives we born and bred Midwesterners led. As the sun played with the edge of the water, half a platter of chips and dip joined the two brats in my stomach, and I summarily declared that I was really good-looking.

Good-looking and intelligent and great.

I do that sometimes. And by sometimes, I mean a lot. I have to remind myself, see.

It’s taken me a lot to get where I am. It isn’t luck. It’s work. Hard, emotional, risk-taking work. You can only be successful if you like yourself very much. And I struggle every day to keep that up.

Today is more of a struggle. Today is one of those days that no one could hold me close enough and the tension around my heart won’t dissipate even with the deepest breath. I am ready to retreat today.

It is these strange and neurotic thoughts that get in the way of success. Hercules told me at the party that whatever I am thinking, somebody else is thinking. Perhaps. There are some secrets we all hold close to ourselves, trying to protect an image that others will respect. Like, no one tells you that blogging takes an insane amount of time. No one tells you that leadership is lonely. No one tells you that love is not a fairy tale no matter how hard you try.

Sneaky, that.

That’s why you have to like yourself a whole heck of a lot. So when the days are a struggle, you’re ready. If you’re somewhat of a narcissist, you join the feel-good-success-club. Welcome. If you’re not, you’re stuck at the perimeter, looking in. The people on the inside have figured something out. They back themselves up one hundred percent and smile in the face of dissent. They believe in who they are, in spite of what goes wrong.

That means you have to enjoy being alone with yourself. It’s hard to do that. I myself love being around other people. People would describe me as an extrovert. But I am most comfortable alone. Even on days like today. I don’t have to brush my hair, and the words out of my mouth are not timed and measured. There is no one to worry about trusting in hushed voices, and it’s okay that I haven’t done the dishes.

It is during these alone times that I turn on my music. I turn it up real loud. Loud enough to test the sound insulation of the walls that hold my small apartment. And then I dance. I dance on through my living room and spin around in front of the bathroom mirror, and I prance out into the hallway and spread out my arms, throw my head back, and my mouth opens passionate and wide to the words of the song, full blast, my body bending towards the ceiling. Because I am sure that in another life I was the most famous of all famous vocalists, and it’s a grave mistake that I can barely carry a tune in this lifetime. A grave and dirty trick, I say.

The song ends then, and I smile in spite of myself, and remember that whatever I am worried about cannot match the strength of how really good-looking and intelligent and great I truly am.

Love thyself, playa.

Categories
Career Inspiration Leadership Self-management

My new job

Update: This post was also published at Damsels in Success.

I started a new job on Wednesday. At 23 years old, I am now the Executive Director of a young professional organization whose mission is to attract and retain young talent and leadership in my area in order to contribute to the regions’ economic, civic, social, and public policy futures. Can’t get more Gen-Y Princess than that.

After one of the best first days at work ever, a day that left me dazed at the possibility of it all, I sat with my friend Hercules at his condo. His condo is trendy and beautiful, and immaculately clean, like in a commercial, the kind of clean that makes you feel dirty even if you’ve just taken a shower.

I was admiring the lack of spider webs in the upper corner of the wall, thinking about my new job, about what exactly I had gotten myself into and how I would be able to pull it off, when Hercules asked me an interesting question:

“If the worst happened, would you be okay? Can you accept the worst case scenario? Can you fail and survive?”

I turned to face him and nodded slowly. Yes, I thought, I could fail. If young talent left the city in droves, and everyone in the city hated me, if I bankrupted the organization and it tumbled down in flames, if I ruined my reputation and only rodents of the squirrel variety would talk to me, I would be okay. I would survive.

“Because if you can envision failure,” he said, “and you know that your life would go on, and you would still wake up every morning, and get out of bed, then life is at your feet.”

“Yes,” I said, out loud this time. “I’d be okay with failing. Life would go on. I would still wake up and get out of bed every morning. Well, five days out of the week, at least.”

“Good,” he said. “Then you’ll succeed.”

Fearless = Victorious

Categories
Marketing Self-management

4 lessons in selling yourself

1) A few days ago, at the urging of a reader, I attempted to figure out why the comments section on this blog was a big cluster freak on the page instead of separated into paragraphs like you good readers intended. After a useless twenty-seven minutes of poking around my stylesheets, twenty-seven minutes that I will never get back, I got fed up.

And by “got fed up” I mean I emailed my friend Mic Funk, also known as “funk in your junk,” “funky hunk,” or “thebestwebdesignerintheworld.” It took him all of two seconds to find the problem. Easy, I guess, when you know where to look.

I turned to him because thebestwebdesignerintheworld makes hazy subjects clear. He humors me as I explore numerous side projects, and we have been working together on a website to raise philanthropy awareness that will be publicly launched this winter in my area.

When we meet, thebestwebdesignerintheworld patiently explains what RSS means and the difference between AJAX and scripting languages. Thebestwebdesignerintheworld makes apples into apple pie, and turns blueberry pie back into blueberries. He’s that good.

He un-complicates the complicated.

2) I have been working with my real estate agent for almost a year, and the condo I bought with him won’t even be finished until next May. Which gives me more time than the average homebuyer to ask an incessant number of questions. That’s why I like my real estate agent. I ask a lot of questions. He has a lot of answers.

My real estate agent was so good at answering my questions in the beginning that when the time came to finally sit down and sign papers, I was ready to blindly sign by the “x” without reading the papers.

Which was stupid. Really stupid.

And you know what he did? He made me sit for an extra thirty or so minutes, and painstakingly explained each page before allowing me to put pen to paper. So I would know. So I would be informed. TIME IS MONEY! I wanted to yell, but when he was finished, I understood. I understood it was good to know about the biggest financial decision of my life. His behavior allowed me to trust him. And it’s really good to trust the person who has the biggest financial decision of your life in their hands.

3) This Sunday, my little sister and I went to the grocery store that doesn’t take credit cards to buy ingredients for a homemade pizza. The grocery store that doesn’t take credit cards doesn’t remind you of this fact until you’re in line, because they assume you’re not a freaking idiot. I, however, did not know this; it was only once we had carefully chosen the mushrooms and the pepperoni that I stood in line, realizing I had no cash, no debit card, and no good sense. A lonely credit card sat useless in my purse.

The cashier dialed the customer service office to put our cart on hold, while the couple behind us let out one of those “I can’t believe you freaking idiots didn’t know this grocery store doesn’t take credit cards” kind of sighs. To which I darted my “I can’t believe you’re so lame that you’re buying pasta IN A CAN” kind of looks.

Simultaneously, our bagger walked over to the cashier and asked how much our grocery bill was. The cashier showed him our receipt for $29.93, and then the bagger walked over to the customer side of the check out, swiped his debit card, and paid for my groceries. He PAID for MY groceries. And he makes what? $5 an hour?
These vignettes each hold a lesson on how to sell yourself successfully:

Lesson #1 – Make complicated things uncomplicated.

Lesson #2 – Instill trust through action.

Lesson #3 – Go the extra mile.

… and a fourth lesson that they all have in common:

Lesson #4 – Make others feel smart. Or, at the very least, less stupid.

(And yes, later that afternoon, tucked inside a hand-written thank you card, I paid the grocery bagger back, plus tip.)

Sell without the pitch.

Categories
Self-management Work/life balance

In a quasi-anonymous world, success is nothing without friends

Johannes and I get together about once a week when he’s bored and I’m stressed. He’s one of those people that has only two emotions, bored or happy, and is never stressed because he never has anything go wrong. Really. It’s not normal.

I saw Johannes last night after a long day and an even longer meeting, and started talking as we sat down at the restaurant. I told him the recent gossip. I talked all about my latest success. I described how I got in trouble for my recent post. I told him who had called me, who I had seen, who was annoying the heck out of me. Mostly, I just dumped. Dumped my entire life on him. For fifteen or twenty minutes straight. I talked and he listened. Then, far from finished, but eager to eat the food that was placed in front of me, I said:

“Okay. You now.”

“What?”

“Yeah, go, you talk now.”

He looked at me smugly as I waved my fork through the air. Then slowly, calmly, he explained to me that normal people didn’t have conversations this way. Normal people ask questions of the other person that solicit more than yes or no answers, and then they ask follow up questions to show interest. Oh. Is that how it works, I nodded, half-smiling, half-chewing, and waved my fork again.

“Okay, but really,” I said, “you talk now.”

Success means nothing if you don’t have someone to share it with. Someone who understands you’re too tired to engage in a normal conversation. Someone who not only understands, but will protect your neurosis. Good friends are irreplaceable.

And in a quasi-anonymous world this is increasingly important for Gen-Y, whose social circles are shrinking and whose loneliness is increasing.

In his book, The Rise of the Creative Class, Richard Florida argues that “weak ties are critical to the creative environment of a city or region because they allow for rapid entry of new people and rapid absorption of new ideas and are thus critical to the creative process.” We even choose where we live, in part, by how easy it is for us to maintain our quasi-anonymous lifestyle.

In such an environment, it is all the more important to have real friends, because “family and significant others don’t count when we talk about the benefits of friendship,” career guru Penelope Trunk reports.

Not the acquaintances that fill the photos of your “friends” on Facebook. Real friends. Acquaintances could care less if you need to sit on a certain side of the table or that you snagged ten subscribers in one day. Acquaintances care about themselves. Friends care about you.

“Friendship is to people as sunshine is to flowers,” says Ben Casnocha, young entrepreneur and author of My Start Up Life. Corny. But true. It’s not just nice to have friends outside of your professional life, it’s absolutely necessary. You can’t be successful without friends, and if you are, your success will be meaningless.

So, go – find friends that are normal where you are crazy, that are honest and trustworthy, who love you no matter what. And if you’re lucky enough to have those kind of friends already, get up in the middle of dinner, walk over to their seat, and give them a big hug. I’m sure they will tell you to go sit back down immediately, but they’ll smile at you, amused. That’s what friends do.

‘Cause you’ve got a friend in me, playa.