Big Brother and I talked a couple weeks ago perched atop Bascom Hill, the steepest hill in Madison, and I wore my steepest heels. The sun was bright with the resigned smile it holds between summer and fall, and I held on to the edge of my wrap dress, dangerously flirting with the wind. Big Brother stood simply, calmly.
“I make you nervous, don’t I?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. My weight shifted from one heel to the other. “I feel like you don’t trust me yet.”
“No. I trust you. I have no reason not to trust you,” he said.
I nodded and he nodded and we looked at each other, smiling. When Big Brother smiles, you smile too, like a game of telephone, passing the message on. It’s charisma and it’s indefinable.
Big Brother and I are still figuring each other out. We’re figuring out the trust thing, and the loyalty thing. We’re building it. Because you can’t just say “trust me,” and believe everything will work out. That’s a movie ending, not a business decision. Trust has to be earned. Loyalty has to be created.
Big Brother knows this. He doesn’t use his success to shepherd me into trusting him. He expects that I’ll earn his trust and he’ll earn mine.
Trust and loyalty are big deals when you’re in a position of leadership, because everyone wants to be your friend for specific reasons. And everyone else doesn’t like you, for much of the same reasons.
“Don’t take it personally,” Big Brother told me as we sat across from each other after work. A glass of water sat in rings of sweat in front of me.
“Okay,” I said, running my fingertips along the table and through the water. I was thinking about the meeting I had in an hour, because after work is never really after work anymore.
“No. Look at me in the eyes,” he said. I looked up, amused. He was not amused. “Do you understand, truly? Don’t take it personally.”
“Okay,” I said. I nodded, looking directly at him, holding his gaze until he was nodding back, satisfied that I understood.
Big Brother and I are still figuring each other out. Because real trust and real loyalty takes time. These exchanges put another stone in place. Information is the foundation. Honesty is the mortar holding it together. There is no other way if you want to build a business relationship that can stand the cycle of the game.
There is no happy ending. The game cycle is a constant push and pull of what you build, and what you tear down.
8 replies on “Trust, loyalty, and the happy ending”
You’re only as young as you reveal…
I remember my first internship, when the owner of the company spoke to me about the goals of our marketing initiatives. He said that as a small business, it’s hard to gain recognition and credibility when dealing with the big……
That had a sadness to it, like the morbid part in a Japanese Anime film…pretty cool.
One of the first things that I learned coming into my current company was that ‘loyalty is priceless’, I’m even drinking out of a company mug that says that on it. Work, and even relationships come at a price, to both sides – but loyalty is priceless – and it’s quality and trust that keeps one coming back for more.
Be cool.
@ Torbjorn – Is it sad? Hm. I didn’t mean it to be, but I can see what you’re saying. I suppose I wrote it thinking of several opportunities that I have that have proved difficult to negotiate. I will try to be more positive in the next one. Thanks for your comment!
I see what Torbjorn is getting at, but I don’t think it’s sad as much as it is contemplative.
Sad would be if you’d fallen down the mountain in the second paragraph… ; )
@ Chuck- Thanks! I almost fell off, but I have skills in heels :)
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