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Leadership Self-management Work/life balance

Life as a Gen Y leader – week eleven

I texted Skinny last Friday night, “I’m just not up for it.” Which really meant that I had sixteen meetings last week, and I was exhausted, and however appealing a nice relaxing dinner sounded, Skinny would have just been a landfill. I would have dumped my entire life on him. And who is that fun for? No one.

The thing is, I’ve been saying “I’m just not up for it,” to my friends more often than not, and I’m quickly losing whatever semblance of balance I used to have. Big Brother claims he keeps his personal life separate because it’s difficult to be a public figure, but I’m increasingly wondering if the real reason is because he doesn’t have one.

And I’m wondering if what I really want is to become a workaholic.

The thing is, when you surround yourself with a certain type of person, you become like those people. Take, for instance, a meeting I was at last week. I sat nervously on the edge of my chair as we started the meeting with a WIGO (What Is Going On), where people described what’s been happening in their lives. When every single person talked about work except for one, I breathed a triumphant sigh of relief. They didn’t have lives either!

At the time, I was grateful to hear that others were just as crazy as me, but as Belle and my sister amuse me with their updates on promise rings and wedding plans, I’m anxious for the whole “not having a life” thing to be over with. Because I do want it all. The family. The career. And everything in between.

This idea of priorities came up earlier in the week. I was on a panel and one participant asked me, “If I’m more efficient during afternoon meetings, but my employees or volunteers are more efficient in the morning, what do I do?”

“You have meetings in the morning,” I replied. “That’s what you do. That’s a sacrifice you make for being the boss. The point is to make your employees or volunteers as successful as possible so that you’re as successful as possible.” You want to lift them up. You want to help them reach their goals. You should lead them to be as good, no, better than you.

I’ve wanted to be a lot of things in my life. A journalist, a teacher, and a designer are among the more prevalent. But the one thing that remains the same throughout is my desire to help others reach their dreams. I want to create environments where others succeed. I want my job description to simply read “empower.”

And in the end, isn’t that what a leader does?

So, I’m thinking it’s not so bad to be working so hard if I remember these things. In fact, I feel like I need to be working a lot harder, if not smarter. But that’s another discussion all together. Nevertheless, I’m going to make the commitment to take more time for myself, my friends, and my family – publicly, here on this blog – so that I become accountable to the promise I’ve made to myself.

In the meantime, if someone wants to give me the key to changing the world, or if you simply want to introduce me to Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome, I very much doubt that I’ll reply “I’m just not up for it.”

Up for it all, baby.

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Just in case

Just in case

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Totally controversial. Really.

Still controversial

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A few blocks up

A few blocks up

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Inspiration Knowing yourself Leadership

How to think bold and dream big, and a realization

‘Tis the season for annual dinners and last night was another one. When the keynote speaker took the stage and began his litany of jokes, I turned to my friend and asked, “Is he drunk?” My friend’s eyes got wide as he raised his eyebrows and cocked his head.

Better drunk then boring, we shrugged.

But as the speaker went on, his short stature quickly filling up the two big screens on his left and right, and then the entire room, I realized that he was certainly not drunk. He was Texan. A Texan State Senator and former Mayor of Austin to be exact – Mr. Kirk Watson.

With a southern charm, certain bravado and blatant honesty that made us Midwesterners simultaneously laugh and blush, Watson spoke on how to think bold and dream big:

First of all, don’t be afraid to think bold and dream big, Watson drawled in his thick accent. Failure is good, as long as you learn from it. As long as you don’t go cry in a corner, he said. As long as you take action from what went wrong.

And don’t wait for something better either. “My wife tried that and she still got stuck with me!” Watson warned. Take action with the opportunities that are in front of you.

Find both the chicken and the egg. Go after them both. And then find things that are neither the chicken nor the egg:

“Do you want to know what the number one bumper sticker is in Austin?” Watson asked. “Well, I’ll tell you. It’s not ‘Kirk Watson for Senate’ as it should be. No, it’s not. It’s ‘Keep Austin Weird.’ That’s it. That’s what it is. ‘Keep Austin Weird.’ That means keeping Austin ‘Austin.’ Keeping it open. Out of weird you get bold ideas and vision.”

With bold ideas and big vision, you are not going to meet everyone’s concept of perfection, so don’t even try, Watson said. Don’t even try. If you try to please everyone, you will come up with a plan that is unworkable or someone will just say no and that will be the end.

He goes on, “Let me tell you about my 84% rule. If 84% of the people say, ‘Huh, yeah, I kind of like that idea’ and it sounds like progress, take it and run.” How did he come up with the 84% rule? That’s the percentage he was elected mayor with.

Avoid the nitpickers, naysayers and know-it-alls. The people who think they are just so much smarter than you, he said. The people who think you’re dumb. They’re in the 16%. Their negative energy will bring you down. Really, it doesn’t matter how pretty you are. You’re not going to make everyone happy.

Instead, focus on your assets. You got ‘em, Watson said. Utilize what you have.

And be willing to admit your weaknesses, Watson advised. He then told us simply that he was a cancer surivior. A testicular cancer survivor. He has had three surgeries and has gone through chemotherapy. After all that, they found another tumor in his abdomen.

But that was in 1995. He’s cured now. He assures his wife that if anything happened to her, or between the two of them, he wouldn’t want a young woman. He wouldn’t want to start a new family. He loves his family. And she tells him, “You know dear, with all they cut off of you, you won’t have many young women coming after you.”

“And that’s true!” Watson stated triumphantly. The point from the story is that he admits his weaknesses. “And another is that I’m a survivor,” he said. “Hope matters.”

Afterwards, I approached Kirk and introduced myself. He was just as excited to meet me as he was on stage, and we talked about blogging (yes, he has a blog too), and the ability to say in his speech, or write in his blog, whatever he wants. We discussed the ability to execute the “what you see is what you get” attitude, which inevitably lead to a discussion on credibility.

And I don’t know if it was the charming accent or what, but more than ever, I got why people were so concerned with credibility. I mean, Kirk has built a bridge for goodness sakes. And while someday I might build a bridge too, I haven’t accomplished such feats yet. I have more work to do. That makes me excited, because being a little like Kirk Watson is definitely something to look forward to.

Texan moxie.

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Home Sweet Apartment

Home Sweet Apartment

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Goes with me everywhere

Goes with me everywhere

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Generation X Generation Y Work politics

The rising rift between Gen X and Gen Y

This post was originally published at Brazen Careerist as part of Penelope Trunk’s Twentysomething series. I am thrilled to have had the opportunity to post on the Oprah of career advice sites!

As the workplace weather changes, Generation X isn’t happy to see Generation Y as the rainbow in their persistent rainstorm.

Both generations have similarities, sure. Technological savvy and the willingness to rebel against boomer norms brought us together for a short time. But as more of Gen Y enters the workplace, Gen X is becoming increasingly marginalized, and the fundamental differences of how we operate are now dividing us along fierce lines:

1. Different job markets
Generation Y is a demographic powerhouse entering into our choice of jobs. With the world conspiring in our favor, we’ve already pushed the limits of the foundation Generation X laid.

Generation X tried to change the status quo while entering into one of the worst job markets since the Great Depression. They scorned the good ole boys, but had to play by their rules anyway, while millenials are able to create our own rules.

The fact that Gen Xers worked hard with little success beyond casual Fridays means that they are “only mentioned to be polite” in generational discussions. This is aggravated by Generation Y’s readiness to assume all the leadership positions when the Boomer generation retires. Gen X can’t seem to win and Gen Y reaps the rewards.

2. Cynicism vs. Idealism
Since the Gen Xers weren’t able to create the workplace change they desired, it’s no wonder that I get the feeling that Generation X is inherently skeptical of who I am. They’re weary of how easy success comes to me, of my desire to bring them into the mix, and of my idealism.

Unlike our older co-workers, Generation Y doesn’t operate out of fear or distrust, but the possibility of what can be done. I realize that Generation Y is new to the workplace. To Gen X, I just don’t get how the world works. And while it’s quite possible that we won’t change the world like we anticipate, why shoot for just the possible? Idealism is what changes the world.

3. You vs. Us
The Gen X focus on distrust makes them solitary workers, preferring to rely solely on their selves to see a project through, while Generation Y tends to want to support and work together. A Gen Xer is often found at the office, squeezing by on their flextime, and blocking out the world with their iPod.

Generation X is no doubt feeling like a stepping stone generation, and many are, in fact, choosing to align themselves with Generation Y rather than fade into the background. The founder of MySpace went so far as to lie about his age.

I say the more the merrier. There is strength and value to realism, and there is strength and value to optimism. That’s why we have to work together. What can I say? I’m a team player.

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Urban infill

Urban infill

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Blogging

I’m featured in the New York Times!

I’m featured in the New York Times online today, in an article called “The Young and the Not So Restless” about young leaders by Marci Alboher. Run, don’t walk, and check it out.

If you’re coming here from that article, welcome! Marci is my new best friend. Really. If she wanted me to bake her a cake, I totally would. Now that you’re here, kick back, relax and learn all about the Modite way:

Must read before you leave
Personal branding, accountability, and how to just be yourself already
What it means to be a Gen-Y leader
What gives you the right to be a young leader
7 concessions and a challenge to the Gen Y naysayers
The power of place – What do you think?

Read when you come back, thirsty for more
Prioritize your authenticity
Generation Y breeds a new kind of woman

3 workplace weaknesses that are really Gen Y strengths
Advice from top Executives, CEOs and Presidents
7 networking tips for Generation Y

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Generation Y Leadership Management Work/life balance

No co-workers a challenge for the twenty-something boss

You’re more likely to enjoy your job if you make friends with your coworkers. But if you don’t have any co-workers, the challenge to not only enjoy your job, but to perform successfully in it, becomes immense.

That was one of the first things I noticed as I transitioned from being an employee to running an organization. There wasn’t anyone to talk to.

As many of us are taking the plunge from cubicle prisoner to being the boss, we’re stumbling over the entry gate. Support is the number one desire of newly-minted leaders and entrepreneurs. Who can understand the situations we’re in? Who can empathize and congratulate our failures and successes? Where is the team at?

I often tell my best friend Belle about Guy A who sucks at life, or Situation B that just rocked my week. She empathizes, congratulates, and is a good friend, but she has no idea about the foolishness or magnanimity of either like a co-worker would.

Co-workers have shared experiences that they can talk about and understand, and they support each other. They know exactly who Guy A is and are acutely aware of how important Situation B is. It’s a unique bond that can’t be replaced by even the best mentor or friend.

Here’s how to deal with no co-workers:

1) Manage yourself differently. Being a leader is about making sacrifices. This is one of them. It’s part of the package, so you just have to deal with it. Dealing with no co-workers, however, does not mean relying on Ben & Jerry, my good friends of a few weeks ago. You have to maintain your healthy habits – perhaps journaling and exercise – and create new ones.

For me, this means changing my mindset. It’s letting go of things that would have bothered me in the past. It’s looking at situations differently, and oftentimes strategically. It’s realizing that people will treat me differently, and that’s what I signed up for. Mostly, it’s concentrating on what makes my position exciting and fun.

2) Start a support network. In the upper-echelons of CEOs and Presidents, support groups are quite common. Company leaders often get together for breakfast or lunch roundtables and share the challenges of running an organization. They’ve defined it differently, but really they’re simply building co-worker relationships.

It would be difficult, however, for a young leader to find value from these roundtables outside of a mentor relationship.

Generation Y leaders need to create their own groups, and those groups need to respond to how we work. Being a young leader has its own set of unique challenges. If we’re going to be taking on positions of authority earlier, and creating our own rules, we need to be honest about what those challenges are.

3) Lean on people who know nothing. As is often true, weaknesses are also strengths. While Belle cannot fulfill the role of my co-worker, I am much happier with her as my friend. You need to have people that are outside of the work/life blender to keep perspective.

Belle doesn’t come to any of my organization’s events. She doesn’t know the majority of the people. She leads a completely different life. And while we don’t have those shared experiences, it is for that reason that it’s refreshing to be around her. I’ve known her so long that I’m not defined as a young leader, as a Gen Y Princess, a blogger, or as an Executive Director. I’m just me. And that’s a big deep breath of happiness.

Co-workin’ it.

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On the way to work

On the way to work