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Networking Self-management

36 hours to making a new friend

“Should I bring my scarf?” Sam Davidson of Cool People Care asked me. He had just arrived to Madison from Nashville to give a speech to my organization.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Should I bring my gloves?”

“Yes, bring everything warm that you have,” I said. Sam went up to his hotel room and came back with his scarf, his gloves and nothing else.

“Where’s your coat?” I demanded.

“This is my coat,” he said. I looked down at his suit jacket and back up at his face, confused.

“Okay,” I said finally. “Come on then.” I walked outside, a little worried how Sam and I were going to get along if he didn’t even understand the meaning of the words “Wisconsin” and “Winter” in the same sentence.

Sam Davidson visits Madison

Sam assured me, however, that he was tough, and true to his word – no matter how much I baited him – he didn’t complain.

Tough is a good word to describe Sam. Not in the traditional steel factory sense of the word, but in the hard-hitting, no-nonsense kind of way. He’s interested in people, he’s interested in change, and he wants to know how to bring the two together.

He’s practical about where he comes from, the detours he’s taken, and turns the notion of a designated path on its head. And perhaps that is what is so refreshing about Sam. He’s straightforward, but uniquely human at the same time. Like when after a particularly meaningful story, Sam stated, “I wore socks today. I hate wearing socks.”

Sam gave his speech on Wednesday night (which was really good), and we all went out to dinner afterwards. And on Thursday, Sam and I proceeded to spend fifteen hours together straight. We went on a tour of Madison into the shops, and the art museum, and our Capitol (although Sam insists that “It’s pretty, huh?” isn’t really a tour at all), and then off to lunch meetings, coffee shop meetings, sushi dinner with Employee Evolution, after-dinner drinks, and after-drink conversations.

Sam sharing a website

And as we moved throughout the day, I felt how great it was to be making a new friend. It’s single-handedly one of the most powerful things, to begin to trust someone, to share your dreams and goals, and your frustrations and anger. To have a mutual respect and desire to change the world. Our generation thrives so much on loose connections, Facebook friends, being quasi-anonymous, that making deep connections often seems like too much work.

But it’s not. It’s just being observant and open. It’s asking the questions beyond simply where you come from and what you do:

“Why are you controversial?”
“How can we work together?”
“Why are you so tight-lipped about your dating life?”
“Do you think you’re moving too slowly?”
“What’s the soundtrack to your life?”
“Do you work out of this coffee shop often?”
“What’s the story behind changing your beliefs?”
“How did you know your wife was the one?”
“What does edgy mean?”
“What’s next?”

Sam and I asked each other these very questions. It’s about investigating and caring about who the other person is. It’s about wanting to know someone intimately, because that’s all we really want anyway. To be known, appreciated, challenged.

When I meet with people, even CEOs or semi-celebrities, the most interesting discussion always happens after we should have ended the meeting. It’s the point where you can get up and leave, or you can ask another question, an unexpected question, a silly or meaningful question, but a question that pushes deeper.

It’s easy to ask the basic questions. But friendships aren’t forged, and change doesn’t happen with easy questions. Instead, you have to ask the story behind those questions.

You have to reach around and ask about the cup of cold coffee sitting on the black table with the guy standing in a kilt on the staircase. You have to ask about that. You have to ask about who a person is.

Friendly challenge.

Sam thinking on how to change the world

By Rebecca Healy

My goal is to help you find meaningful work, enjoy the heck out of it, and earn more money.

11 replies on “36 hours to making a new friend”

Sam and his CPC crew are pretty awesome people. They made a stop to our Rock For Hunger Festival this past November. They also to share in helping out with our Tutors and Meals program. It’s ashame we didn’t get to spend more time together as I was running like a chicken with his head cut off.

It’s great to see online relationships blossom into great networking and even friendship. Good job kids. Have a great weekend Ms. Modite.

Greg, you’re so right that Sam is awesome and such a do-gooder. I’m glad others know it! It’s certainly interesting to me that online relationships form real relationships. Meeting in person seems to solidify such relationships. Hope you have a great weekend too!

I agree. Sam sounds like a great guy. I’ve corresponded with him and have even quoted him in some of my columns here in the Philippines. I only hope I can get to meet him in person one day, or even just get to hear him speak.

Btw- I would never have found out about Sam or CPC without modite.com, so let me say thanks Rebecca!

I totally agree that there is nothing as rewarding as sincerity. It allows us to pierce through the superficial barriers to unearth the beauty that is underneath each person. I also find that the tougher the exterior, the more rewarding the experience.

Sam O’ Sam. I’m trying to bribe him to come to Harrisburg with some Hershey kisses. :) Rebecca, should you come by Harrisburg anytime, I’ll love to be your host! And, I promise to send you away with some Hershey kisses.

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