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Opting Out of Climbing the Career Ladder

It was five weeks ago when my boss and I were sitting in a coffee shop and I told him I wanted to transition out of my position. The words kind of slipped out. I was mentally exhausted and tired. While certainly there were parts of my job – and people too – that I enjoyed, there wasn’t a day that passed where I didn’t think, “This isn’t what I want to do.”

Last Friday was my last day of work.

I wasn’t planning to quit, really. It seemed right to suck it up and keep going. It seemed responsible. But I told Ryan constantly that I wanted to leave. Many times I told him this was the day I was going to go in and do the deed. And many times I came home and told him, “Well, it was okay today. It wasn’t so bad.”

The job was a good one and I sort of fell into it, and not at all intentionally. I was making a lot of money consulting. I didn’t particularly enjoy consulting; clients are often just as messy as employers, but the money is better. And that was something. But I also craved the security of a job, or so I thought.

What I really wanted was to opt out.

I wanted permission to get off the career ladder. To step down, instead of up. I wanted to stop competing – with myself, with everyone, with society. I am leaving to do my own thing and to build my own business, but also decidedly to take a break.

Most people don’t have that luxury, I understand. We are bound by lifestyles and responsibilities seemingly outside of our control. And I view this period in my life as a last chance, or rather an opportunity, for that reason. Ryan and I are engaged, and soon we will be married and have kids and a house and many other things that don’t make it impossible, but certainly make it loads more difficult to try something different.

It seems weird that someone who has written about careers, practically her whole life since college, should then decide to opt out of her career. Perhaps those with the highest hopes have the largest illusions. I thought work was going to be great. There’s nothing more that I wanted than to work with a team toward a larger goal. I didn’t expect the constant power struggles. I didn’t expect the lack of meaning. I certainly didn’t expect complete and utter burnout.

Work has largely been a disappointment to entire generations, so I’ll take some comfort that it’s not just me. Seventy-two percent of American workers are either not engaged or are actively disengaged at their jobs, reports the Harvard Business Review. Those that aren’t engaged are “essentially checked out. They’re sleepwalking through their workday putting time – but not energy or passion – into their work.” And those that are actively disengaged are doing what they can to make life hell for everyone else.

The recession particularly screwed Generation Y, and the change we sought in the workplace just didn’t come. An open office isn’t a sign of advancement, for instance – it’s just an employer hopping onto another bandwagon after another. While seventy percent of workers sit in open-office plans, no one really likes it. Workers in open-plan offices get sick more often (due to a lack of privacy and stress), are irritated by noises from conversations and machines, and are less productive due to reduced motivation and decreased job satisfaction.

There is no real thought or inquiry that goes into what composes a great work experience. While I have no desire to sit in a cubicle for eight hours a day, I have even less desire to sit on display in front of twenty other people for eight hours a day.

Frankly, I don’t want to sit for eight hours in any capacity. I want to be outside. I want to lie down at 3 pm and read a book. I want to meditate. I want to go for a run at 10:30 am. I want to build something. I want to meet friends. Since when do we believe that being in one spot for our whole lives is meaningful? The Internet is a poor substitute for life.

I worry about our economy when our brightest minds sit all day. Maybe I am not opting out of my career, but opting out of every convention that we currently impose onto work. I saw Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg speak in Washington, DC and read her bestseller Lean In within just a few hours. Almost every page is marked up. The will to lead is certainly within me, but not like this. Not like it’s been in nearly every job I’ve held since my first paycheck.

While I have quit jobs before, it was always to climb the next rung. This time was an intentional and measured decision about my life, the first of its kind in awhile, and the first of what I hope is many. Too many times I have walked into doors that have been opened for me. Luck, some would say. Although I try not to attribute success to luck; success has come because I work hard, network and connect with the right people, and show up to the communities I’m involved with. In the past five weeks alone, I’ve turned down two jobs. I know how to make money. I know how to have jobs. I can see the path of a successful career ahead of me. But what I want is entirely different.

This time, I want to be present. I expect the rest will come. I don’t expect all roses; I know life is hard. I don’t believe in the pursuit of happiness without the pursuit of sadness. But I won’t be checked out anymore. I refuse to just go through the motions. I choose to lean in – but on my terms.

I think this is what they call, peace.

By Rebecca Healy

My goal is to help you find meaningful work, enjoy the heck out of it, and earn more money.

57 replies on “Opting Out of Climbing the Career Ladder”

“Perhaps those with the highest hopes have the largest illusions.” <– I like this. I'm not sure it's necessarily true, but there are many days when it certainly feels like it.

And don't even get me started on open office plans. Your collaborative culture is a ruse for debilitating cortisol levels due to the fact that I cannot hear myself think, much less write copy or read something that requires deep thought.

Best of luck to you in your pursuit of peace.

Thank you, Ryan! It’s a tough work world out there, ha. I have never felt more peaceful than the past few weeks. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, but I’m feeling excited and nervous today. And I like that.

I suspect a lot of nodding when people read this line: “Perhaps those with the highest hopes have the largest illusions.”

Thanks for offering us another glimpse of what’s possible in our lives. With all the work and career books/blogs/sites out there, we’re sort of “cornered” into thinking it’s the life we want for ourselves too, mostly because we don’t know what else we should hope for.

Completely agree with you in “being present” and I’ve totally been in a job where I feel like I’m sleepwalking through life. There’s so much to be had in injecting passion and enthusiasm in everything we do. I just hope most of us find that thing before the boredom of our life kills us.

Cheers to you and your new found direction!

Niki, I really enjoyed your comment, thank you. I very much felt cornered, and felt like if I didn’t make an escape now, I would be extremely unhappy for a long time. My mother likes to say, you have to do everything you can before you can move on – in relationships, in careers. I felt like I did everything I could and now, it’s time to move on. Thanks again for your kind words and insights.

Rebecca, since you mentioned Lean In, I remembered a good piece of thought from James Allworth, in his HBR post, which I think you’ll find relatable.

“There’s another reason why so many women have chosen alternative paths, and it’s not because it’s difficult: it’s because that in terms of what generates sustained long term happiness in our lives, careers are a long way from the be all and end all, and women have simply done a better job of recognizing it.”

If you want to read the full post, you can find it here: http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/04/its_not_women_who_should_lean.html

Congratulations!!! This is amazing! I actually had the exact same thoughts on Sandberg’s book. I want to lean in alright, but like you said, I want it on my own terms :)

You had it in you all along chica! I simply helped speed up the process lol :) You’re going to do great and I’m actually a tad bit jealous I don’t live in D.C. so I can watch this all unfold haha.

I am so happy for you! I know this was not a easy decision and something that the average person would not do….but your not average!

It’s very enlightening to read your thoughts, as they are very similar to mine. Security is something that many people are constantly searching for, and like you, I too have been trying to find that in a job. But after speaking with you and even reading this post. I’ve learned that the security that I thought I could attain in a regular position, I actually already have it. The security in knowing that I control my income, in knowing that I can go for a run at 1pm or if I want to take a day-trip I dont have to “ask” anyone for the day off.

Thanks for always being so honest in your posts and one of my favorite people! I cant wait to have more mid-day coffees with you and and show the world what Kontrary is all about! Your destined for great things.

Dominique! Thank you so much. What a lovely comment and so kind. I really liked that you mentioned that you already have security; that’s something I am re-learning right now as well. I think the recession taught my Gen Yers to stay in jobs longer than they would normally for this notion of safety, when really, no one is in control of that except ourselves. It’s okay to stay on the career ladder, or hop off. Do what feels right to you. Thank YOU for being so honest and one of my favorite people :) xx

I ‘opted-out’ 4.5 years ago for exactly those reasons, after more than a decade of misery. Now the challenge is not to be sucked back in by social norms. On a recent visit to the USA, I still felt the tug to go get ‘a respectable job’, but resisted. Congrats and good luck.

Yes, those pesky social norms always get you. I’ve found that having a career coach has really helped me define what I want, not what society tells me to have. Jesse, thanks for the comment!

I always love your honesty and stories like this, are ones I’m sure we can all relate to. First, congratulations on the leap. You know it’s a right decisions when you’re feeling peace and good about what you’ve done right away. It may be too personal, but I would be so curious to see what unfolds over the next few months (e.g. perhaps it’s savings you want to relax a bit, perhaps yo consult here and there, perhaps you want to take a firm 6 months off no matter what, etc.) It’s always interesting because it’s often something I think about. That said, I still really love my job so a slightly different story but just taking time and space before everything unfolds in front of you and it may be a bit too late is something that I always think about. In between jobs I haven’t taken time off before, I just had a weekend and went into the other. It wasn’t because I wanted to, more the jobs of a startup had that “let’s get going ASAP”…either way, congratulations again and thanks for sharing your story :)

Of course I will be sharing! Right now, I don’t have any plans to have an official two weeks or six months off, but rather, just to take things slow. When I tell people what I want to do (like my old boss or Ryan, both entrepreneurs), they say, “Oh, this is how you can scale it and make it HUGE!” And I’m all like, “Nope. That’s not what I want to do. I want to take things slow.” Like slow food, maybe I want a slow career. I put so much pressure on myself, I don’t need any extra. I just want to take the time, like you said, to enjoy everything. I’ll be turning thirty later this year, and I’m sure that’s part of it. On the one hand, I can’t believe time has gone by so quickly. And on the other, I’ll likely live another sixty to seventy years, so what’s the rush? Anyway, if you already love what you do, I say revel in it!

I pulled the trigger on my “career” like this almost a year ago exactly. It has been hard. But life has never been better, and I have never been happier. I hope you can say the same a year down the line. :)

Thanks for this post Rebecca.

I’m in a place right now where I truly love my job about 75-80% of the time and I feel like I still have so much more to get out of it, so I’m not really ready for this big plunge just yet. But there was a time (right before I got the job I’m in now actually) that I was strongly considering transitioning out of my then job and even out of where I currently live in order to achieve greater happiness. That didn’t end up happening and I have obtained some peace and happiness where I am now, but I still think back sometimes about how different things would be had I done that. It makes me look forward to the day that I make that choice for real.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear any suggestions you might have on finding that kind of peace within the context of having a 9-5. Like I said, I’ve found some of it, but I want to find more. I love my workplace and the things that it offers, and I’m not really ready to sacrifice the joy I get from it yet. How can we work to find that same peace and happiness that comes from being your own boss, but in a workplace with many others that you love and are loyal to?

Get accepting of your place in life. There is no reason you should feel like those who are their own boss somehow get more joy than those who work for others. If you love your job, be happy with that. Maybe go celebrate this weekend. We all want to do more, be more no matter what position we’re in. You will never find 100% happiness; peace comes from accepting both sides of the coin, the good and the bad, and loving the journey. It sounds like that’s where you’re at. So seriously, give yourself a celebration and keep on.

Fantastic post. I made the goal to go 100% freelance by January 1, 2014 and I can’t wait!

I keep sitting here thinking, why does this decision feel so remarkable? And I realize, because it *is.*

Congrats to you, Rebecca!

I opted out a few years ago when we had our daughter. Actually, I opted out before that when I too left a successful consulting/public practice gig to go back to grad school.

I was good at it. I made a lot of money. It didn’t make me happy. And that’s it in a nutshell.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I KNOW it’s a huge luxury to have this choice to opt out and pursue more creative pursuits (photography and writing). And to have more time with my family. But life’s short, and all that.

Sandra, love this. “I was good at it. I made a lot of money. It didn’t make me happy. And that’s it in a nutshell.” So, so true, and something I really resonate with. I wouldn’t feel guilty; your short comment really bolstered me up and inspired me. Be proud you’re doing what you love!

“This time, I want to be present. I expect the rest will come. I don’t expect all roses; I know life is hard. I don’t believe in the pursuit of happiness without the pursuit of sadness. But I won’t be checked out anymore. I refuse to just go through the motions. I choose to lean in – but on my terms.

I think this is what they call, peace.” <—– Powerful!!!!
I loved this post and it made me teary eyed because I am at the point, even in my short career, where I am tired of sitting behind a desk all day…for 8 hours…and not feeling fulfilled. My true desire is to be doing something creative, that allows me to travel, interview people about their thoughts opinions and lives, and to also be so happy that it doesn't feel like I'm working. I am praying that I reach that point soon because although I am 24, I know what I DON'T want and that I am not going to waste my life working where I don't want to work just to make a buck. It's ok that I don't know the exact job title because one day I will just make my own and work for myself. I want to be present, wide-eyed because I am SO intrigued and stimulated by my work, and to ultimately have peace. That is so important to me.
Thank you for this because I am even more inspired to go after greatness and success…on my own terms:)

Hi Rebecca,

Congratulations on your brave decision! I can’t wait to see how your life unfolds… work-life and otherwise as they tend to play off one another.

Your comment regarding open-office plans struck a cord: “While seventy percent of workers sit in open-office plans, no one really likes it.” I used to LOVE being in an open environment, but that only works in a truly dynamic/collaborative environment. Maybe an office environment that supports both as the work demands would be much more appropriate.

Regarding work experience, you said: “There is no real thought or inquiry that goes into what composes a great work experience.” I think about this often, but it’s really tough. A great work experience is mostly about the people and in a maintenance environment like mine that’s really challenging to achieve.

I’m personally frustrated with my own job path. Part of my challenge is
not knowing what I want to do next. I do love the stability and I also
love that I have been able to focus on other areas of my life. However,
the spark has long since faded and I’m not surrounded by enough driven
and engaging people.

I do a little bit of everything still (project management, business analysis, information architecture, data development, etc) but most of the time I feel like I am babysitting and that’s the part that really gets to me. The business stakeholders also really get to me because I don’t feel like they are deliberate in their choices. We are constantly reacting and trying to keep up when it is totally unnecessary.

I joke about wanting to own a spa because whenever I go to one I always feel peaceful. Stress is okay because it motivates but making other people feel good is surely motivating also.

Thanks for your thought-provoking post and best wishes!

-Steph

Steph, thanks so much for sharing your story – I really enjoyed it. Just the fact that you are thinking about these things is fantastic. You don’t need to know all the answers right now; they will come. Thanks again.

Congrats Rebecca! On this difficult decision. Im in a similar situation, jobless in NYC but I had the exact realization recently – who wants to give 8 hours of their life to someone, sit in one place everyday…. Hope you find something you love! it’s a never ending battle… I think about the song “bitter sweet symphony” — “try to find some money then you die.”

I am so there! I have a business doing exactly what I want to do. But still doing the 8 hour grind! Just haven’t taken the “leap of faith!” I need to grab the brass ring. Thanks for showing that it can be done!

Good luck to you; I think that you’ll find what you’re looking for. I took two years “off” from my marketing career to be a chef and run a small business and I loved every minute of it. I ended up going back to a 9-5, but rather than working late and working extra, and I go back to my small business in the evenings, which is engaging and fun and meaningful. So, I have an um-impressive job title, but I found the balance I’d always wanted. You’ll be great at whatever you do and wherever you find your balance. :)

Last year the company I worked for decided to move operations from Oregon to Colorado. My department was to be laid off. When we found out that was going to happen, I was so relieved, I almost wept in front of my coworkers! My job was so stressful that I was usually just buried under paper piles, trapped amid the gray walls of my office cube. I had wanted a change but after the day’s work, I had little to no energy left to even think about it. I had done what I thought I wanted to do to make more money so that I could do what I really wanted to do, which was art and music. But when all was said and done, I had no creative energy left to do much of either.

Once I was laid off, I slept for nearly two weeks with very little awake time during the day. I was starting to get worried…but slowly, I came alive again. I had no idea until that time, just how far gone I was due to the stress of my job. It was then that I decided I could never go down that road again. I started receiving unemployment benefits and I reworked my resume and lowered my sights for a job with less responsibilities. I also decided to make good use of this time and after much work turning all my artwork into card form, I recently opened an Etsy shop online. I also have illustrated a children’s book that I hope to sell as well. Even with my frequent panic attacks and anxiety over looking for a new job, I have been happier this last year than I have in the last decade or longer. I am so very glad I opted for the more uncertain and scarier path, since I know if I had transferred to Colorado, it would most certainly have been my undoing.

I’ve had much difficulty in finding a new job as I am competing with at least six to nine hundred others for nearly every one of the jobs I am applying for here in Oregon. I’ve not given up the hope that I will find something soon but I am probably going to have to move home to New Mexico and stay with my parents for awhile as my unemployment benefits are about done. I worried and felt like such a failure for a long while. I thought I should have been able to find something, even in the downtrodden economy. But after reading quite a few articles, I realize I am just one of many that now find themselves in similar situations. I am not a failure and I have decided to release the anxiety and self deprecating feelings and float along with the waters to see where I land.

I am looking forward to the possibilities that will come from moving home and touching base with my old friends and stomping grounds. I hope to feel out a new career path, start afresh and eventually, be able to do art full time with music on the side. I have opted to search for a more peaceful life for myself and your eloquent words resonated with me. I am encouraged and uplifted by what you have written. I know you will achieve your goals and I hope I am able to follow in your footsteps! :0)

Rebecca, what a nice comment, thank you so much for sharing your story. Sometimes, we’re put in unexpected situations, and it sounds like it despite the difficulties, you’re handling it swimmingly. Of coures, things will be hard, you won’t escape that. But coming to terms, being realistic, and finding resonance in your path is a great path to follow. Best of luck, and I hope you’ll later update me on what happens.

Rebecca I am thrilled for you and am so excited for the life you are creating for yourself. I think you’re setting yourself up perfectly as you move into the whole getting married starting a family phase.

I so appreciate being able to relate to fellow gen-Yers in the area, and I’m dyyyying to make it to an event but feel like I’m the only Gen-Y momma ‘trep in DC! In all of my oast jobs I’ve felt like I was a Gen-Yer in an office full of Baby Boomers so your posts are refreshing for me!

And THANKS for pointing out how open office schemes suck. When I read that I was like, “YES! She’s so right!”

Hope all is well and maybe we can do lunch soon.

Best,
Kelley

Rebecca,

Thanks again for showing us that it’s possible to ‘lean out’ and feel just as satisfied and successful! I enjoyed hearing you speak at the Google for Entrepreneurs Meetup last evening, and look forward to following you on your new adventure!

All the best,

Rachel

Rachel, woot! Thanks so much. What a fun event that was. And I love that term, “lean out”! I plan to borrow it many times in the future :) Hope you find satisfaction and success in your own path as well.

Rebecca,

Congratulations on making this powerful decision, now not later! As the saying goes: nothing happens until you decide. I can’t tell you just how much your post resonates with me. Looking back, what I truly wanted when I turned 29 was to “opt out” of society’s traditional definition of the corporate world of work for pretty much the same reasons you have: utter burnout, exhaustion, the lack of meaning in what I was doing, and soul-crushing power struggles. It took me a few challenging years of stops and starts (and a couple of particularly soul-crushing jobs!) to finally opt out, and there’s been no looking back ever since. Welcome to The Club, Ms Thorman!

It’s not the work that kills your soul – it’s the repeated experience of being the most capable and caring person in the organization that does. Your prize? Overwork, stress that causes ulcers (because it CAN get to you), and a life you hate (no meaning!), all while you’re mocked by those just sitting around, getting paid the same (or more). I left “jobs” a few years back thanks to saving money, owning a home, and living life a bit more frugally (BIG garden) so I don’t have to go back. Now I’m starting my own business (again) and it’s great – I just have to figure out how to navigate all the online time with real living (it’s internet based). Also, you still have to navigate the clients you don’t like/enjoy, etc. because they will still find you and drain the crap out of you – but at least you can design it the way you want it, as you go. The older I get (38) the pickier I am about my time on this planet. Great to see another great soul whose picking up on the importance of that… I hope Gen Y marks the massive transition away from being the “whipping boy/girl” for the smart/caring set – and that they opt out, and lean in to a life that is rewarding and worth living. Good luck!

I’ve often struggled with the perception people have when you aren’t climbing that corporate ladder. I quit my job over a year ago and more and more I’ve been feeling the pressures to be in the rat race. It’s funny that I was reading your blog a few weeks ago, thinking that I used to be like that – so ambitious with my career goals and ready to conquer my work. But then everything started to change and I found myself wondering if I was weak, lazy, or otherwise a bad person for not wanting all that stress.

My priorities have shifted towards enjoying life more, but living comfortably and without financial worries. I cherish the ability to do things in the middle of the day, to step out into the sunshine and fresh air, and to have the freedom and flexibility when not tied to a desk job. Granted, I still spend way too much online, but I can at least bring my laptop to more interesting environments.

I respect your decision to step off, even as I choose to step back on! But I guess this year is what I needed and now that I’m running low on my reserve funds I’m looking for an interesting job with growth potential, but something that won’t throw me into the crazy competitiveness of some industries. I’m so glad to see I was not alone in choosing to leave my career and I’m sure you’ll end up being even more productive in other ways!

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