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Accountability Generation Y Knowing yourself Workplace

Helping your career when you’re not middle class

I want to respond to the latest post at Employee Evolution, as I’ve done in the past here. This time, Ryan Healy writes on ways your family can help you with your career. Here’s my take:

I didn’t grow up in upper or middle class, nor did I grow up in poverty.

But a large part of my childhood was being raised in the ghetto of my town by my single mother. People are incredulous when I tell them this.

“Do you even know what the ghetto is, Rebecca?” they ask.

My babysitter acted as my second mother and the neighborhood protector. While my mother worked, my babysitter was the character standing on the corner of her lawn, yelling like a madwoman at the drug dealers to “get the f&*k away” from her street. After one such declaration, I remember thinking that they were going to shoot her. Dead. Then and there. But she was tough. The dealers were afraid of her.

My mother did end up moving us to a decidedly middle class neighborhood as soon as she could, but what I learned from my old neighborhood stuck with me.

The point being that I’m intensely proud of my background, but it wasn’t financially affluent.

So I would never say to my boss, “I live with my parents. I don’t need this job.”

Because I’ve been working from the time I was able, and trust me, I do need this job.

I understand that much of our generation grew up middle class, if not upper middle class. That’s a good thing. If you have the connections, privileges, and opportunities, you should use them. Take full advantage of the help that is available to you.

But we all need to be more grateful of what we have. And we need to realize that not all of us have parents and parent’s friends who can help finance our new company, lifestyle, or potential unemployment.

In my world, performance reviews aren’t based off of your connections or your financial stability. They’re based off of your work and your credentials. But we don’t live in my world. We live in the real world. In the real world, who you know and how much money you have are negotiating gems.

It’s good that you can get ahead by building relationships. This is something you have control of.

It’s not so good that you can get ahead with money if you don’t have any. But this is the reality. If you have the privilege of being able to leave a company that refuses to give you additional responsibility as in Ryan’s example, do so. Grow up. Stop whining. And then move out of your parent’s house.

If you can’t risk losing your job, however, but want more challenge at the workplace, pat yourself on the back. Courage should be rewarded.

Then get creative. Think about how you can take on more work even if the employer isn’t helping you do it. It’s rare that you won’t be able to find more to do.

Maybe it’s related directly to what you’re doing now. Or maybe you start a group of co-workers to green the workplace practices of your employer. Or you develop a set of best practices for your peers. Or you could develop and manage an informal mentoring program within the company. You define your success. True fulfillment isn’t created by your employer, anyway. It’s created when you push yourself.

And most importantly, be proud of your background. Realize that it actually puts you ahead of some of your prosperous peers who don’t have to worry about the rent, or the power bill, or budgeting groceries. Some of the most successful people I know are those who have experienced a large amount of adversity. This doesn’t surprise me. Because when you hit bottom, you only have two choices. Stay there or get up. And when you haven’t hit bottom, you don’t have the same appetite to succeed. Adversity is your ally.

Career backgrounder.

By Rebecca Healy

My goal is to help you find meaningful work, enjoy the heck out of it, and earn more money.

43 replies on “Helping your career when you’re not middle class”

Rebecca

One of my favorite posts of yours. Some of us who did grow up middle class were fortunate enough to have parents who made us get paper routes in middle school and pay our own tuition for college; certainly adds some perspective. I remember an early girlfriend who grew up in the identical family situation as you whose mom worked two jobs, but somehow she never had a job during high-school summers. I was dumbfounded.
Must say though, please use caution when describing your “ghetto.” Saw it–not a ghetto. Lower middle class, blue collar? Sure. No offense, but you’ve never spent time in a ghetto. To suggest so is an offense to any people who have truly risen from extremely dangerous & destitute conditions, as well as those who have fell victim to those circumstances. Anyone really in a ghetto wouldn’t have the public school system at their disposal that you had growing up in a well-to-do college town like Champaign-Urbana.

Rebecca,

I love this post as well. Although I know that I will never have trouble getting a job, I’m still not going to tell an employer, “I don’t need this job”. Even if they’ve made me mad. I have quit on the spot before, but never done that. I admire the stones it takes to make a statement. But at the same time, it can be career suicide. In a big pond, perhaps not. In a small pond, absolutely.

I’ve been on both sides of it. I’ve upper middle class, and I’ve also lived in the ghetto. The ghetto isn’t necessarily a geographic area, but a mindset that the inhabitants have. That sense of hopelessness. Where people are content to settle for less than what they should have. I’m not referring to monetary things either.

Thanks Rebecca for another awesome post.

Well Said! What I like most about this post is that you have shown that you are willing to do whatever it takes, with honesty and integrity, to become a leader, and you share that message with others to help them become inspired to do the same. Hard Work, Determination, and Commitment will help you rise above and reach your dreams.

@ Johannes – To state how you believe I grew up is not a decision for you to make, just because you saw it fifteen years later. Neighborhoods change, and you have no idea everything that was going on while I was there. My family and my home was certainly not destitute or dangerous, but all around us these conditions persisted. Also, I always say the “ghetto of my town,” because I get that what was bad where I was is probably worse somewhere else.

@ Eric – I too have never had a problem getting a job, but the idea of saying that just rubbed me the wrong way. It was great to hear your perspective, and I’m glad you enjoyed the post :)

@ Sam – I’m glad you enjoyed it. It was difficult for me to put out there and I’m happy people are finding value from it.

@ James – Thank you for your kind words. It’s important to me to be honest with my opinion. And I always enjoy the discussion that results :)

Great post, Rebecca. Thanks for the courage to share this insight. I think it’s an important perspective in the discussion of generations. It’s also interesting to me that the whole “career development revolution” seems to focus so much on the white collar. I understand why this is, but it baffles me sometimes, how the rest of the workforce gets almost wholy ignored. Since I work for a staffing company, we get a little more perspective on this.

Some people aren’t at a level where they can be concerned with so much of what we talk about because really, they just need a job. And we should all be more cognizant of these realities and more thankful for what we have.

Rebecca,

Great to hear these thoughts. Coming from a family that never seemed to make enough money to pay all the bills, I know how important it is to rely on your talents and skills, and to find your place in your career.

I haven’t been unemployed since I turned 16, and I can’t imagine being unemployed. It’s been a lot of work, but I’ve put myself on a healthy career path with room for advancement and plenty of challenging projects.

One of my room mates recently asked me how come I and Lizzie have good professional jobs, and he doesn’t. None of us have degrees, and we’re all intelligent. I didn’t want to be nasty so I told him I’ve worked really hard and built a career based on my strengths. I’ve continued to develop my skill set and experience at every position I’ve held. The part that I held back was the “While you were relying on your parents and friends and boyfriends to take care of you and keep you alive, I threw myself out the door and learned to take care of myself.”

Sad though it is, it’s important to keep in mind that we don’t go places if we don’t take risks and challenge ourselves. I have a career because I didn’t allow myself the luxury of not having one. Coming from a relatively poor family, not working my ass off was not an option. And all that frustration has paid off.

Outstanding post Rebecca! Maybe the best of yours I’ve read.

I think it’s absolutely critical to understand that based on sheer census numbers there are more people in the lower class than any other and the middle class is shrinking rapidly. No offense to the Ryans and those like them, but they don’t represent the masses as much as some people think. (Note, I don’t think they think this way, but many millenials seem to)

When you come from less privilege you appreciate the blessings when they come and you work damn hard to provide yourself and your family a better life than you had. As you say, be proud of where you came from and what it taught you.

Great post! Reminds me of the time the FBI stormed my house and changed my life forever. I believe it set the foundation for my belief system about work and why I make a lot of the decisions I do now. I didn’t have a financial safety net with my parents, and if anything, feel like I will have to be responsible for my mom’s livelihood one day. But I will say they did everything in their power to make life great for me and my sister. I think they did a good job.

Love it. I have been on the “not everyone lives and works in NYC or DC and has the money to do what they please” train for quite a while. Not everyone is fortunate and there are some of us who make things work. Like getting a job at 16, working through college, starting a company in an apartment with grant money, and working my tail off to pay bills. So yes, I need my job, love my hobbies and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you have connections use them, its part of life and networking is vital to long term career impact. But Rebecca, you are dead on, not all families are good backbones, sometime you have to stand on your own two feet and make due. I think you become stronger from it!

Right on! I grew up in a family that made less in the combined household than I do now at 26 (and I don’t make much).

We moved every year, every SINGLE year, growing up – to a bigger house if we did well that year, to a smaller house in a cheaper neighborhood if we did bad. I stood in line with my mom for food stamps and got my insurance through Medicaid. When it came time for college, I ponied up the student loans – not my parents.

Now that I’m on my own it’s tough to make ends meet, and to keep progressing in my career. I have lingering guilt feelings when I purchase a suit I know I need to look professional for work.

Fortunately, my upbringing gave me something I think my upper middle class peers don’t always get – reality and gumption. I can’t say to hell with this job, I’ve got my folks. Every bone revolts at the thought. But, my mom taught me how to plan, how to make the next move, how to stand out by being consistent, loyal and diligent. For all the talk of employer disloyalty, there are still employers who are looking for these qualities. Maybe the guy in that Employee Evolution article needs to hang around for a while. Things don’t happen fast in the corporate world, but it could be his attitude and a fear of giving him responsibility when he doesn’t have any reason to stick around.

I say we should all embrace our backgrounds, rich or poor, and use the skills we collected from them the best way we can – whether it’s networking or economizing.

Great post. I’m glad to hear that the voice of Millenials aren’t all iPod-toting, thanks-for-the-Jetta-dad pseudo-philanthropists.

Thank you, Rebecca. While I think I understand what Ryan was getting at here, I wouldn’t be surprised if many Baby Boomer managers look at his recent post as yet another example of how Millennials are coddled and come to the workplace with an overinflated sense of entlement.

Eventually, all young employees must find their own way, and personally, I think it’s easier if it happens right after college, before they get too comfortable using their parents as a crutch.

Alexandra Levit
Author, They Don’t Teach Corporate in College
Blogger, Water Cooler Wisdom
http://alexandralevit.typepad.com

First of all, thank you to everyone for the tremendous stories, advice and comments here. I appreciate it more than you know.

@ Dan – “The no makes you want it more” – I’m with you!

@ TIffany – This is an insightful comment. I’ve always wondered about why career advice is so heavily focused on white-collar as well. Because so many of us are just trying to get to be white collar…

@ Theo -Thank you for sharing your story. Working hard is definitely something to proud of. I think we need to quit promoting the get rich quick people. It’s not the reality.

@ Scott – I appreciate your kind comments. I agree that two middle class white boys are not the voice of the millennial generation (and I do respect and like them). But we need to expand our definitions and the advice we seek. It’s dangerous to believe you can only achieve success one way.

@ Chris – Coming from you, this means so much :)

@ Milena – That is a powerful post you linked to. I hope everyone goes to read it. You’re such a good writer and storyteller. Please keep it up.

@ Greg – Definitely. You become stronger by standing on your own two feet. We all try to act like we’re well off, but we’d connect more if we were honest with each other.

@ Holly – Thank you for sharing your story. I just loved your comment. I can relate to many of the points, including spending money on a suit to look professional for a job. Keep on succeeding!

@ Alexandra – Great point. We certainly don’t want to reinforce our own negative stereotypes. Thank you for the comment!

This post really hit home with me. I did’nt feel that I could relate to the EE – post about living off your parents at all. It was always a goal for me to become economically independent, and I have been since the age of 18. Now, at the age of 24, there is no way I would consider moving back. My parents have earned the freedom it gives them to only have themselves to think of (and pick up after). I still spend alot of time at their house though, mainly because we enjoy eachothers company and share common intrests.

More on the general side, I read a lot of career blogs, because I take an intrest in my own career. Probably much like many of the other readers. But as I work in government (probably best described as the Norwegian equivalent of some low-level branch of the IRS), I can’t always recognize my own situation in the posts about corporate – specific topics. Therefore I am very happy to have found Modite, where I feel I can relate to many of the topics discussed. Many of the regular commenters also offer good points. Keep it up, Rebecca!

This is great to hear your perspective. My impression of most Millennial bloggers is that they must have had pretty well-off boomer parents and I wonder how they can relate to the vast majority of young people who are not sitting in cubes whining about how boring their jobs are, but who are trying to figure out how to make ends meet. I think if you can talk more about these kinds of issues it increases your credibility enormously.

I’m glad to see your response. I read a lot of the EE stuff as well, but that post just seemed to rub me the wrong way. I started working, and never went away to school. And while I lived at home longer than I should have, it had nothing to do my job options. I was immature and avoiding responsibility, plain and simple.

I’ve got a new blog post in the works responding to this as well, since I just don’t agree with the living with parents thing, and with my (our) generation’s sense of entitlement.

The sense of entitlement is the ‘sense’ which will help to get those that believe in themselves quite far in life – even help to ‘know’ what happiness is.

ie. I am entitled to my folks’ upper-middle class way of life. As I am intelligent (or at least moderately) I know how to help it come my way.

It’s a certain belief system, that for the keen, will help them get what they feel they are entitled to.

Awesome post!
I’d like to add that those of us who are immigrants or children of immigrants – no matter what the eduction level of our paretns or us – also do not have the benefits of “family connections”.
My dad would have kicked me out of the house if I hadn’t left on my own .. and I’m a girl.

[…] New Bullshit term – “Millennial Generation” Published December 21, 2007 Corporate Bullshit , Generation Y , Me Tags: Employee Evolution, Generation Y, George Parker, Modite, Why Millennial Generation is a stupid word When I see bullshit, I will call you on it and the term Millennial Generation is definitely one of them.  It is another term for Generation Y and I came across it for the first time on this site called Employee Evolution that I actually stumbled upon via Rebecca’s post (which is excellent! I like to see smart women out there in the world). […]

@ Emil – I very much relate to your story. I’m proud of myself as well for being financially independent. I hope to be able to help my mom some day in the future. Thank you for your kind comments as well. :)

@ Dave – my mentor says the same thing… ;) I think there is some posturing going on in the blogging world, but it’s hard to keep that up. Hopefully we’ll see Gen Y being more open and honest soon.

@ Norcross – right on. I look forward to your post about it!

@ thrive – even though this was to Norcross, I wanted to respond – first off, great points. But just because we are entitled do we know how to help it come our way? I’m not sure we always know the best way…

@ Jane – You bring up another important and relevant point. Thanks for sharing!

Rebecca,

You forgot to mention that your babysitter weighed barely 100 lb. :) Never mind the fact that she could probably make a drill sergeant cry in terror if she raised her voice.

She always said that she was sure the only reason no one messed with her was because they thought she was crazy. It was the ace up her sleeve. Between her and the bald guy up the street, they saved the neighborhood from truly becoming the ghetto.

Loved the post. I’m working my way through unemployment right now, and with no one else to hold me up financially. While it would certainly be easier, and so a lot less stressful and depressing, I know I’ll be better for it by having to come through it on my own… with the moral backing of friends, of course :)

I agree with this post. I grew up upper-middle class, but my parents had the sense to make me create and manage my own life: money, college, jobs … It is a disservice to your children if you are holding their hand through every stumbling block. We learn best by doing it ourselves.

It’s not that so much of your generation grew up affluent, so much as the affluent are the ones who shape the popular view of any generation, and have the leisure to talk about their generation in special ways. (The affluent of course dominate the internet.)

I once again absolutely love this post.

I believe that there are many people who graduate from college and believe that they are going to enter the corporate world and take it by storm. They believe that they are hot shit, and if a company wont bend to meet their needs, it isn’t the company for them. I strongly believe that those type of people need to get their head out of their ass, and their ass out of their parents basement.

This is, to some extent, the spawn of the growing upper class. The children see where their parents are at in business, where their friends parents are, but they didn’t see what it took to get them there. They don’t have an appreciation for the hard work and dedication which has gotten their parents to where they are today. They come into the business world that think that is where they deserve to be, but they haven’t earned it yet. I’m not sure if they feel that the old system of paying your dues is over rated, or if they feel that they already have paid them, somewhere between diapers and diploma.

I interned for a very prominent manufacturing company starting my sophomore year of college. Many of the other students would show up late, wearing ratty jeans, take extended lunches, and leave early. They would half ass-idly do their jobs, never applying the true amount of work needed. They saw the internship as a way for them to test drive the company, somehow overlooking the obvious reason that they were there; for the company to test drive them as potential employees when they finish school. Many of them, who thought that they were star employees (I never told them I spent most of my time fixing their mistakes) weren’t employed there, and they couldn’t figure out why. They were blinded by their ego.

To everyone who feels that a company owes them, I have this advice. A company hires an employee to do a job. If your job is lame and you can do it in your sleep work out an agreement with your employer do be paid based on your work, not on your hours. And if they are making up excuses to not promote you, take the hint that you aren’t that great of an employee. And pop your ego so you can make it out the door.

To Dave Atkins, you need to meet more Millennia, we’re not all bad.

[…] And while I was never sure I would ever get married, Ryan has always been sure he would. If my upbringing was imperfect, his was idyllic. While his parents were both previously married, once they came together, they stayed together. They had Ryan and his brother, and while of course they had ups and downs, they mostly built an All-American life. Which isn’t to say my childhood wasn’t privileged and joyful, just that we did not represent the standard nuclear family. […]

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