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Being Always On, Always Right and the Case for Anonymity

There are a lot of reasons I stopped writing my last blog. Primarily though, it was because the Internet takes a lot out of you. It expects to be able to dissect everything. The Internet wants to pull you apart. Everything should be accessible and out there for all. In the Interneted world, you have to be always on.

I don’t particularly want to be always on. For starters, I am incredibly moody. Most people on the Internet seem like happy people or are on their way to being happy.

I am not happy. At least not today. Try again tomorrow?

Still, I soldiered on with my last blog until it petered to its end and took the last bits of me. And then after some distance and perspective, I started this new blog. I started showing up on Twitter. I logged onto Facebook more. But it’s even harder to be on the Internet than I remembered.

It’s exhausting. There hasn’t been a day when I didn’t crave the freedom of anonymity, if only to escape for a moment the pressure to be always right and available.

Not that I even hold anything back. I am not someone different in person. (Although how would you know, right? Or do you trust the identity I’ve put on the web?) What I write is what I experience. Perhaps a temper tantrum or two doesn’t make it in to a post, but well, now you know.

Point being, if I were anonymous, I would write the same things. But I think it would be easier.

There are a great many people, however, that cannot or do not express their opinions and thoughts and ideas so easily. Those people are forced into the category of degenerates on the web: trolls.

Many believe the trolls’ online anonymity “is a treatment of a symptom rather than a cure for the disease. The disease is a total lack of tolerance for the differing views of others in our society. The symptoms of our disease are things like racism, ostracization, unjust reprisal, stigmatization and persecution. [Anonymity] does nothing to address the root causes of these maladies.  On the contrary, it gives people carte blanch to revel, indeed to roll around gleefully, in them. [Anonymity] allow people to be their worst selves, to perpetuate the cycle of hate, fear, and cowardice that has gripped western societies, without the need to face the consequences of their words and actions.”

That comment is fairly reflective of the values of the open web. Radical transparency is linked to the promise of a “more tolerant, peaceful and profitable digital world.” Besides, would trolls ever say the things they do if their real identities were attached to their comments? Probably not, goes the usual argument.

Online authenticity and transparency forces you to live a certain kind of life. First of all, it forces you to live at least part of your life online. For anyone on Facebook, it’s a large part. Add anytime that you log in with your real identity to buy a product on Amazon, or use Twitter, or blog, or sell something on Etsy and it’s an increasingly large part until you don’t have a distinction between public and private identity.

Not only does such transparency force you to live your life online in order to complete basic tasks on the Internet, but it also forces documentation, so you have to live a certain kind of life that can be documented. You have to be right. And good. Online, all the time.

Sure, this allows you to Google yourself and the guy you met at the bar Saturday night, but it also allows you to make judgements based on that data trail. At its best, when we follow our friends’ profiles around the Internet, it is little more than novelty and entertainment. At its worst, employers and potential lovers decide our fate in just a few clicks.

Either way, it’s not hugely beneficial to you.

Companies, on the other hand, retain a large benefit from your identity. They are the ones that want to collect your real identity so they can use that data to their advantage. Facebook’s crowning virtue is authenticity and it seeks to control the web by poo-pooing anonymity at all costs. Now Facebook, Google, Yahoo, Twitter, and everyone else who wants you to login with their account follows you everywhere on the web and collects every bit of data it can about you.  Mark Zuckerburg famously once told an interviewer that “having two identities for yourself is an example of a lack of integrity.” How very virtuous… and profitable.

What’s real authenticity anyway? Is there room for you to change your mind on the Internet? One anonymous commenter argues, “Having to log in or authenticate myself makes me less likely to leave a comment. Having to identify the comment back to myself in a traceable way makes it less likely as well. My mood or sentiment about a topic might change, but that post will be written in stone.”

4chan, a site where “roughly 90 percent of all messages on 4chan are posted under the site’s default identity, ‘Anonymous,’” is generally known as the scurds of the web. But “those messages are not only anonymous but ephemeral, because 4chan has no long-term archives: old message threads are automatically deleted when new ones need the room. This mechanism was originally meant to save storage costs, but as [its founder Chris Poole] notes, ‘it’s both practical and philosophical.’ Among other things, it challenges the idea that digital identity should follow you across time, linking what you say when you’re a teenager to the middle-aged business owner you might become.”

Novel, that. People actually change and grow? Say it ain’t so, Internet! Anonymity allows people a place on the Internet to be wrong, Poole says. That’s important because while trolls may not say their real opinions to you in person, they’re still thinking it. And when we take away the place to test those ideas, we take away any chance of tolerance for differing views.

So do you prefer to live in a world where people don’t speak their minds at any cost? Or do you want to allow anonymity? One is decidedly more virtuous.

By Rebecca Healy

My goal is to help you find meaningful work, enjoy the heck out of it, and earn more money.

24 replies on “Being Always On, Always Right and the Case for Anonymity”

Great post, Rebecca! This topic is incredibly relevant to me right now. Yesterday, I thought about deleting my tumblr and moving to another platform that relies less on nurturing and maintaining relationships with other users because it is absolutely exhausting doing so. A friend of mine used the word “traumatic” to describe cases in which you are “wrong” and everyone lets you know it, and quite aggressively. I think that that is incredibly accurate.

I am very “out there” in all of my social media outlets because, ultimately, I do enjoy the relationships that I have formed with various people online and I like being able to maintain contact with them. And it just feels more authentic to me when I’m emailing with someone whose name I actually know. While I can appreciate why people choose to remain anonymous, it can be frustrating to have a really great and productive conversation with an anonymous, with no way of maintaining that relationship.

I wouldn’t say that there is necessarily any time that it is unacceptable to be anonymous because I don’t really think that it’s my place to decide how someone presents themselves online. I do, however (for the most part), subscribe to the “don’t feed the troll” mantra.

I think it’s interesting that the web and anything on the web is about community first. It seems very idealistic to me and not all that realistic. I don’t really mind being wrong, but it is also interesting to me the joy that other people get in telling me when I’m wrong.

I definitely agree that it’s better and easier to maintain relationships with people you actually know (or think you know). I’ve had people email me under a pseudonym which I found quite strange, and I’ve also had people email me who didn’t live their lives online and I found it disconcerting I couldn’t learn anything about them from a Google search. Which makes me the strange one when you think about it…

I agree that “it depends” on when allowing Anonymous is acceptable. But I do think the option should always be there. A great many sites, big media sites and newspapers and niche blogs like Tech Crunch, however, are taking away the ability to be anonymous. It is part of the “don’t feed the trolls” reasoning, but there is something that rubs me the wrong way about it…

Anyway, I’m interested to see where your online journey takes you!

@Rebecca:disqus

I hear what you are saying. This is a large, complex topic, and two questions come to mind for me:

1. How much do I really care what others think?
2. Will their opinions have the ability to materially change my life?Answering #1 requires honesty and/or changing the way one responds to criticism and evaluation. My most recent attempts to do this have resulted in my singing a blue-sy song I made up to myself whenever someone is rude to me, or their obliviousness ruins my day (bad drivers, etc.). I sing the phrase, “Guess how much I care?” over and over again. I really have to not care at all what other people do, say, and think. Otherwise I’ll be a miserable person, my health will suffer, I’ll age prematurely, and won’t be present for the people who actually are important to me. There will always be another Internet fight to have. There will always be the person cutting me off in traffic. There will always be a senselessly disgruntled student. “Guess how much I care?”

#2 requires bravery and confidence in one’s self-sufficiency and faith everything will be okay. It is very well possible one’s opinions and philosophy (or historically as we know, their gender, race, sexual orientation, or religion) are enough to keep them from being employed regardless of skill, keep them from being part of whatever club happens to be en vogue at the moment, and far worse, etc. Even if you have conquered #1, it’s possible that #2 could make your life harder, even downright miserable. #2 is the more unpredictable, uncontrollable factor. #2 requires you to imagine the worst possible case scenario of whatever stand you are taking and that you can live with it into perpetuity. So yes, that blog post you wrote 5 years ago could become a corner stone of how people form their opinions about you. Can you take it back? Will no one let it go? Can you live with that? Will it keep you from advancing in life, in your career? This all brings to mind a third question – which is why, I think, the Internet tends to become little pockets of echo chambers.3. Can I find other like-minded people to support me? (Or gang up on others with me?)I think people turn to #3 as a security blanket, mostly because they are not confident in #1 and #2. The Internet makes #3 very easy. At best, they find a caring community of like-minded people they can hang out with. At worst, they become bullies. They become myopic. They become the worst of the Internet. And they cannot see it anymore. What began as a defense against one’s own natural and normal uncertainty becomes something far worse. They essentially turn into what they feared so they don’t have to deal with it.Those are just my random, nascent thoughts on this topic. Surely I missed a bunch of things…ha, have to add that disclaimer lest someone jumps down my throat for it! ; )Whew! This was a long comment! I haven’t commented on anything in forever…sorry I took up all my commenting equity here. : ) I really enjoy the new blog.

This is a great comment, Milena. I love how you describe how the Internet has made us more aware of what other people think, which I believe breeds a constant comparison and often forces us to live outside our values. And you’re right, such niceties on the Internet also breed the most mundane echo chambers, which I actually find more exhausting than when people take the time and effort to write a thoughtful comment like yours or disagree with me. I mean, that’s a big reason I named this blog Kontrary. I don’t expect or want people to pat me on the back all the time. The best thing about my old blog is that they didn’t. I had a community, and I think that has transferred here as well, that was highly engaged. I am going off on my own tangent now, but the point being it comes down to respect. And I don’t think the idea of ensuring that your digital footprint and history is all things sugar and spice is very respectful to who you are, to your ideas or to other people’s ideas. Nor is it interesting. It is much more respectful, human, and so on to allow people to be who they are on both sides of the aisle. The web doesn’t currently allow this though as you so aptly pointed out. It’s much easier to get over someone cutting you off on the highway. When it’s done on the web, it lives forever (or so they say – hopefully we will get over such navel back-gazing).

Absolutely love this comment, Milena. #3 is completely on point in regards to how the community and the confidence that you will have like-minded people to “have your back” act as a security blanket when you aren’t completely secure in yourself. And I agree with Rebecca that it comes down to respect. There are so many ways to respectfully disagree with someone (and it’s much more difficult to respectfully disagree than to simply lash out – when you lash out you don’t even really have to make sense and a rude comment can take on a life of its own) but the internet and #3 make it so easy to not have to.

This is interesting, because I do think people turn to the Internet when they can’t find people to relate to and like-minded people in real life. At the same time, I often have trouble finding like-minded people in both areas. I have always had my commenters agree with me on one post and turn around and disagree with me another. Somehow my community sustains this and there is a deep level respect, but it does require a lot more questioning of your own ideas. I don’t really know where I’m going with this comment, but that’s what I’m thinking :)

I enjoyed this post, honest and insightful! The internet is exhausting, there’s really no way to keep up with everything.. (!)

I’ll post as a guest :)

We all should be ourselves, and though people do grow and change and become more mature over time, I think we all have our character and morals pretty young. It’s how we are taught and/or are exposed to. So, readying comments of anonomous, mean, depraved, vindictive, hateful, people, I believe comes from those who are cowards and don’t want to risk someone disagreeing with them and be proven wrong, or found out publically that they have all the bad qualities that they are trying to hide in society. They are defective in some ways. Stand up for your beliefs. It’s a human trait.

I think some are cowards, but even those defective people – we should know what they’re thinking or not? I think that is why there is comment moderation; so that we may not give a voice and platform to the people who are truly depraved or racist, etc., but there is a large portion of Anonymous commenters where I think it’s our duty to allow them to stay Anonymous.

The 20sb community (many blogging friends of mine) started blogging anonymously. In fact, Jenn wrote a really interesting piece how her blog (that was once anonymous) was found via an almost-employer and DUE to her blog content they didn’t hire her:http://blog.20sb.net/2011/04/blog-debates-anonymity-from-jenns-point-of-view.html. 20sb has a series on this, might be good info for this topic. Of course, this is one exception and my thing is, “Well, you wouldn’t want to work for that type of company anyway,” however, I know it’s why a lot of people probably hide or hold back.

It’s funny you perceive a lot of happiness online. I can definitely see that. I also choose to not publicly “complain” or lament online (too much ;) because that’s my own personal shit and reserved for close friends or family. Does that mean I’m holding back? People tell me when they meet in person, you were just as I imagined, which I take as a compliment but it’s interesting the “face” and persona people put forward.

On another note, I have a blogging friend who delivers herself in one way online and in her blog. She tells ALL. But in person, she’s timid, quiet and hardly speaks. I think this topic is fascinating and I agree, it can be exhausting.

I didn’t know that about 20SB, but that makes sense. I just went and read many of the guest posts – really fascinating. I did have an anonymous blog before Modite. I wrote prose and poems on it. I think some of my best writing was on it, and I recycled a lot of it into posts on Modite. I wonder if I should start another anonymous blog now to support my writing on Kontrary :)

I am definitely a bit obsessed with the happiness thing. I’m not really sure why. Happiness is probably not the best word. I get annoyed with people who don’t complain at all or on the flip side, glorify their failures and negative emotions (and I lump both of them in the same category). Sometimes I can’t breathe reading these blogs, I suppose, because I am quite emotional. I feel things deeply and really care about other people. I will cry when watching Our America with Lisa Ling and wonder why the world is so unfair. I alternate a lot between the individualism of just taking care of yourself and ensuring you’re good and balanced, and wanting to embrace everyone who has ever felt pain. I think the blogosphere is primarily written from an individualistic and selfish point of view, but has a community aspect as it’s platform. So it’s a weird dichotomy that I am constantly struggling with.

And I think that’s a big reason why Anonymous has emerged. Society rewards individual pursuits, but humanity rewards collective efforts.

I didn’t know that about 20SB, but that makes sense. I just went and read many of the guest posts – really fascinating. I did have an anonymous blog before Modite. I wrote prose and poems on it. I think some of my best writing was on it, and I recycled a lot of it into posts on Modite. I wonder if I should start another anonymous blog now to support my writing on Kontrary :)

I am definitely a bit obsessed with the happiness thing. I’m not really sure why. Happiness is probably not the best word. I get annoyed with people who don’t complain at all or on the flip side, glorify their failures and negative emotions (and I lump both of them in the same category). Sometimes I can’t breathe reading these blogs, I suppose, because I am quite emotional. I feel things deeply and really care about other people. I will cry when watching Our America with Lisa Ling and wonder why the world is so unfair. I alternate a lot between the individualism of just taking care of yourself and ensuring you’re good and balanced, and wanting to embrace everyone who has ever felt pain. I think the blogosphere is primarily written from an individualistic and selfish point of view, but has a community aspect as it’s platform. So it’s a weird dichotomy that I am constantly struggling with.

And I think that’s a big reason why Anonymous has emerged. Society rewards individual pursuits, but humanity rewards collective efforts.

I usually call blogging narcissistic but there are also a lot of blogs and writers who don’t talk about themselves. Then again, I’m reading a blog because I am human and we are interested in each other, our differences our similarities and our struggles. We also rejoice WITH each other in our happiness. The fluff and fakeness of that “word” :) may be a bit much.

Extremes are definitely frustrating. To be honest, my favorite bloggers are the ones who portray all sides. The ones who show the dark side, the failure and confusion. The big reason behind that is because we can relate. We are flawed and beautiful.

Blogging does have an interesting dichotomy, but to speak for the blogosphere as a whole can be a bit of a generalization. There are many blogs only focused on community, interviewing other people doing good, stories that uplift, stories that challenge us, etc. It’s not all personal bloggers who talk about themselves. After all, you’re one of them. You talk about worldly issues and things that we can all mostly relate to. When you mix in the personal bit, I perk up, because we love to connect as humans and it provides us context (to you).

Yes, my absolute favorite blogs are those that write about a topic, but also include the personal. Obviously, in our space, Penelope Trunk popularized this and I am a big fan of that model. I think that’s the easiest way to make complicated or boring topics interesting, which is what I try to do here. The plan was to cut the personal out of Kontrary, but I quickly found that I couldn’t do that all the time. Some posts demand you to include your own viewpoint.

My other favorite blogs are the ones that interview other people as you mention – but on video. I like Mixergy and Rise to the Top. I don’t watch each day, but when I find someone I’m interested in, I really love it. I’m also obsessed with Marie Forleo right now who, on paper, has everything I dislike in a blog. But then she’s so cool and fun, I can’t help but love her. My goal is to bring more fun into my blog as I’m quite silly in person, but I think I come off as fairly serious? Not sure.

Anyway, this was a long tangent :)

Maybe we should do posts about bloggers we love and why? :)

I love how you wanted this to be less personal, but naturally, it takes that trajectory. I think there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, it is humanizing. We don’t relate to only hard facts with no opinion. Opinion spices things up.

You do come off as serious :) although I don’t think you are a serious person, but your writing is direct, strong opinions and to the point. I think we can all welcome more fun into our l
ives (and blogs)!

The issue here is a lifecasting versus a positioning mentality about publishing yourself online. Your self is the central actor here. So yeah, that creates a lot of issues. Your self isn’t a static thing. It isn’t really even a “brand,” per se, which has specific, tangible assets and a promise of consistency, and a general look and feel. It’s an infinitely more complex, complicated, dynamic thing. It might grow over time, but McDonald’s doesn’t really have a bad hair day or decide it wants to go into the car tune-up business midlife, right?

So, even for publishing selves, based on your approach, the goals, the strategies differ. Based on a lot of things. Your perspective, your career, your social circles, your personality, probably even gender. I think that’s ok. I think it would be incredibly boring if everybody acted exactly the same way on the web, all the time. Everyone was totally open? People like PT would be incredibly less interesting. Everybody was all gloss? There wouldn’t be any depth. Everyone wrote well-thought-out-tomes? We’d miss our crazy cat videos on YouTube. The variety means we don’t have a set of standards really, to rely on though, to have our backs if the rules here change. And heck, they have changed, turned upside down, and flipped inside out within the time I’ve been participating already. Much less all the change yet to come within our lifetimes. 

It’s a lot to compute. 
I wrote a lot about this issue when I started my first blog, which was anonymous, until I was encouraged (by Penelope, interestingly) to be public. Which turned out to be a good decision for me. But I think we all struggle with this tension. It’s there every time you think about writing or saying just to “work it out.” Which honestly, is probably why I blog much less than I could. I don’t want to “commit it to the internet” in case I end up changing my mind. Which is why some models, like 4chan, where content isn’t permanent and gets deleted, can be so freeing to some people. 

I don’t know what the answer is, but we are all, I think, in our own ways, trying to figure that out as we go along. And it’s nice to share in that journey together.

You hit on some great points here – not everyone wants to be a personal brand, but I think the web necessitates it. I agree, it is great that not everyone is the same are just as open, but the web wants us to be. I think it’s also interesting, and your comment reminds me of this point a bit, that people and individuals are now companies. And that’s very confusing. I write about this a bit in the Fare Thee Well post today. I hope that we’ll see more human interfaces that don’t keep everything and all the data about ourselves – we should be able to opt out. And not just by not using Facebook or Google, but those platforms should give you the ability to opt out. 

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