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Business Career Generation Y Work/life balance

Why Gen Y should talk about politics at work

It was a committee meeting, and a CEO was using the coldest-Wisconsin-winter-ever as proof that global warming didn’t exist. I had to leave the room so I wouldn’t explode with the news that global warming creates weather extremes, not just a general warming.

Such a small thing years ago, but I think about it constantly because it’s one of the few times I haven’t spoken up.

More recently, Maria Antonia and I had planned to go to a local political fundraiser, and she cancelled at the last minute. Her boss thought it was a bad idea since we are both semi-public figures and should remain neutral.

And then at my family reunion just this past weekend, we weren’t allowed to discuss politics or religion. Out on the patio, I secretly tried to goad one of my uncles into telling me who he was voting for, but silent he remained. Instead, we talked about the weather.

Business Week’s Bruce Weinsten argues in his ethics column that mum should be the word on politics, especially at work. Apparently, speaking up can bring you down career-wise.

“Along with sex, money, and religion, politics is one of the most controversial topics of conversation that exists,” he states. “We talk about sex with our closest friends (with whom we probably would not even discuss our income), but this kind of conversation is wisely held after business hours. Neither your salary nor your sex life is anyone’s business at the office.”

Except that Generation Y’s rituals fly in the face of Weinsten’s fearsome foursome.

As products of the Sex and the City generation, Belle and I openly discuss sex, but we also openly discuss income. I know what both she and her fiancé make, and they both know what I make. We know how much each of us paid for our condos, and how much debt or lack thereof, we both have.

This isn’t a trend relegated to personal relationships either. Nonprofits have routinely disclosed executive salaries as part of a law for increased accountability, and now transparent salaries are being implemented in forward-thinking companies like Brazen Careerist.

Taboo topics are quickly becoming acceptable as part of Generation Y’s demand for authenticity and transparency. Except, maybe, for politics.

Despite projections that we will define one of the most influential elections in history, in part due to online discussions facilitated by people like Tim Weaver and Milena Thomas in the Gen Y blogosphere, we still seem to be weary of expressing our opinions openly in the workplace.

 “Ultimately I’m at work to work, and I wasn’t hired to discuss my personal political opinions,” one commenter argues. Which is like saying you weren’t hired to talk about the Red Sox, the back problem you have, or the Kooks concert you went to on Thursday night. Because I’m sure people are dying to hear how you made tacos with hot sauce AND sour cream more than your informed opinion on the most important issues of today.

What we believe in and have faith in informs our work and personal lives intimately, and to say that we shouldn’t discuss them anywhere is dangerous.

“The idea that practicing any profession somehow obliges or even encourages a vow of silence on any subject, politics or otherwise, that might offend someone somewhere, is odious,” argues author John Scalzi. “Everyone should be encouraged to say what they wish to say about the important matters of the day. Everyone should feel that participation in the life of their community and their state and nation is a critical act. To do less invites ignorance and ultimately tyranny.”

And to argue otherwise is to say that the whole idea of America – a democracy where people aren’t persecuted for speaking their minds – is based on a fallacy. But it isn’t. Generation Y is just entirely too quiet and conservative.

And while voicing your opinion may invite all sorts of opinions and criticism and the chance that you might – gasp! – have to defend your beliefs, we cannot have as our legacy a production that mindlessly follows the corporate establishment.

As one of the largest generations born into idealism, we are now facing the first true test of whether we will rise or recoil in the face of adversity. It doesn’t matter if you’re a librarian or are in the most public of professions, you have enormous political power.

Years from now, when I look back and reflect, I will know that I never, ever regretted opening my mouth, only keeping it shut.

Open wide.

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Blogging Community Engagement Social media

Social media is difficult like intimacy

“Yeah, but it’s just a blog,” someone said. About this blog. My blog. We were talking about social media.

I didn’t have a response at the time. I was like George in that Seinfeld episode (he goes to great lengths to deliver a retort to a coworker), floundering for the perfect comeback.

I couldn’t come up with anything, and later realized that this person? This person doesn’t even have a blog. Pfft. How can you possibly understand the concept of social media if you’re not a participant?

Of course you can understand it on an intellectual level. Like, I understand war even though I’ve never been a soldier. But you can’t really get it unless you’ve been in it. Unless you’ve been in it to win it in fact.

So let’s clarify something. Blogging is one of the most valuable and intimate forms of social media that exists. It’s akin to writing love letters back in the day. It’s not as good as spooning your girlfriend, but it works.

And when people talk about authenticity, transparency and engagement or the newest five rules of social media, they’re really talking about intimacy. That is, being less lonely in this great big messed up world of ours.

So if you’re not participating – i.e., if you’re not responding to blog comments, or if you’re talking to yourself on Twitter, or you’re refusing to claim your name on Facebook, you lose.

If you do not participate, you are not a part of social media. You’re last year’s season. Obsolete. Outdated. Old-fashioned. And oh-so entrenched in traditional media. Do you want to be a gatekeeper or a gatejumper? I’m going to give you a hint. Gatekeepers are like those London guards in the big funny hats. I told my mother that when we visited London, I thought one guard was particularly cute. She was extremely put out.

“Remember,” she said, “it was 96 degrees and he had to stand there for who knows how long. I felt bad for him.” She felt bad for him.

Gatejumpers on the other hand, they get to go wherever they want. Even into air-conditioned buildings.

Going wherever you want, that takes some gall. It’s such a big responsibility. This is why a lot of people – and a lot more companies – fail at social media. Because we all want to connect to people and ideas, but to do that you have to go ahead and open up. You have to expose that birthmark on your ankle, the stash of Ben & Jerry’s in your freezer, and the fact that you can be hypnotized by a girl hula-hooping.

People fail because it’s scary to put yourself out there. Like Zeus and I, we’re really bad at this. Or mostly I’m bad at it, but I’m trying to be better because I understand vulnerability is good. But practicing it is something different entirely.

Companies fail because somewhere along the line, branding gurus rolled right over the fact that companies are made up of people, not a blacktop of products. Underneath the monolith that defines companies today are ideas, opinions, passion.

Social media is about synthesizing and refining ideas, opinions and passion. You know, two-way conversation, or more often than not those racy three-ways or more. And in being any way but alone, you discover value and an understanding that is difficult to grasp if you’ve never even participated in the conversation in the first place.

Related Post: Social media doesn’t create new generation leaders

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Redberry

Redberry

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Totally Naked

Totally Naked

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Knowing yourself Self-management Work/life balance

Starting over in the same city

Hercules moved away. I don’t feel left behind by Hercules, but by my own life which seems to have somehow escaped me. I am beginning to feel engulfed by this when my friend Maria Antonia comes over.

“Transition periods… they suck,” she reminds me. “I can’t think of a transition period that didn’t suck.”

“Uh huh,” I smile. Maria Antonia is incredibly practical. This sucks, but it will pass. We try on dresses, talk business and girly things, and go out for the night. I come home early. Socializing seems silly when all I can do is think of myself.

Another night I visit with Belle and her fiancé. It takes a lot of effort on my part not to be the third wheel; they are just sickeningly cute. I give myself a gold star for not being envious. I feel more grown up this past week, and I wonder if you learn lessons faster as you grow older.

Hercules left on a Sunday morning and I miss him on a Thursday. I go to the iTunes Store and download sixteen songs in a row, add them to a new playlist and hit repeat. They are mostly happy songs and soon I feel like the world is once again at my feet. Then I remember the other night, Zeus, and the five glasses of wine. We’re sitting on my couch.

“Am I your rebound?” Zeus asks.

“Of course!” I declare. I feel bad as soon as the words escape. I liked Zeus the moment I saw him and tell him so.

“Love at first sight?” he chuckles. I don’t think it’s funny since love is both the closest and farthest thing on my mind.

“Something like that,” I reply.

And I don’t want him to be my rebound, but I don’t see any other choice. I feel incapable at relationships. Zeus seems younger than most guys I date, and is both sweet and guarded. He makes me want to write, and a few days earlier, he bet that I would make a good girlfriend. This makes me happy and so now that we are alone, I kiss him. It’s not what I expect.

“Zeus, you know when you see an outfit that you really like and you have to try it on to see if it fits?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m not sure we fit,” I say. I’m not trying to be rude on purpose, but the word vomit keeps coming! We keep talking and he agrees and disagrees with everything I say, taking a middle-of-the-road approach. This is good I think and I like him more as the wine wears off.

A lesson I’ve learned though is that when men are in my life, it engulfs me. And when men aren’t in my life, I rise up like a balloon that was being held to the ground and is finally being let go.

I like both states of being despite their unequal weight on my shoulders whispering in my ear. I feel the need to choose relationships or career because it’s easier to go all-in on one side of the coin instead of trying to reach a balance. Defining your own success is indeed as rare as successfully hanging curtains by yourself. I’ve been thinking about this, and the strange feeling of glee I have to own a new beginning where everything is different, yet exactly the same.

Later in the week Zeus texts me, “So what do you think, did the clothes fit?” And this makes me a bit giddy, because that line seems to be straight out of a movie, and I think maybe the clothes do fit. And I ready myself for another stab at flourishing in life.

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Blogging Generation Y Self-management

What Generation Y fears the most

Some might say Emily Gould is a twenty-six year old attention-craving narcissist. But I empathize with her. Nay, after reading her cover article in the New York Times magazine, I adore her (via Penelope Trunk).

Then I read the response. So not worthy of the New York Times the commenters declared in unison. Obviously. Because the world is so much cooler, smarter, and better-looking than Emily Gould.

Which is sad because if Emily Gould’s voice – a voice for bloggers everywhere or merely for herself – is muffled in the world than the world is going to get a lot more lonely.

But there are so many other things to pay attention to. So many other very important things, commenters lamented to the Times.

And maybe therein lies part of the problem.

Generation Y is generally not able to recognize themselves in these very important things – not war, or terror, economic crisis, or the general misery and abyss that too often characterizes the world today.

To be sure, we are eventually ushered into the real world where thoughts of changing the world are fastidiously and mechanically hampered down by those somehow deemed smarter and more experienced than us. It’s called entering the workforce, and it is an experience that only furthers the distance between us and the issues that matter.

Such an evolution is chronicled online within the blog posts of Ryan Healy and Ryan Paugh, authors of Employee Evolution and co-founders of Brazen Careerist. They are the self-proclaimed voices of the millennial generation.

Once proud and insistent of all that an online community could do and accomplish, Healy and Paugh are now immersed and defined by the culture they once espoused. As such, the reality of what an online community is and can actually accomplish is setting in, for better or worse. If you’ve followed them from the early days, you can tell – real life has entered their posts. That is, the reality of doing something meaningful is ridiculously difficult.

You might substitute family or environmental activism or accounting for online community – whatever your passion and dreams consist of – and should you pursue these ideals, you might find they’re not all they were cracked up to be.

Wait. If I sound too much like the big bad wolf of Gen X in Gen Y’s clothing, please let me set the record straight. I drink the Gen Y kool-aid on a daily basis. I do believe in hope, idealism, fantastical dreams and change beyond our imagination.

I was brought up in all that is sweet and sugary. In a world where some fear their shoelace being caught in a landmine, the worst thing that has ever happened to me is my father’s death. A kind of tragedy that I wouldn’t understand until the day after it happened, and the day after that, and each and every day after that. I wouldn’t understand how much my life would be defined by the lack of his.

But I’ve never been raped or abused. Or had a drug problem, or anorexia, bulimia or obesity. I’ve only experienced heartbreak once, maybe twice. I’ve never been shot at or tormented. I’ve never worried about putting food on the table or a roof over my head.

Really, I lead a charmed life. I’m not being sarcastic. I’m being serious. I feel incredibly lucky.

And so when I write about how sad or happy or anxious or ecstatic I am, it’s because I’m trying to figure out how to use this charmed life for the best possible result. How can I build a life that is meaningful?

Because I’ve been trying really hard, and what once seemed like an upward arc towards significance has come back down full circle.

I think this is the great unspoken truth about Generation Y.

We’re terrified our lives won’t matter.

Should Generation Y have a downfall, it will be that we engage in far too much navel-gazing, yes, but also that others don’t recognize the importance of such introspection. The backlash against Emily Gould, and that what she represents is somehow not important demeans the individual experience that defines the collective identity.

That’s why blogging is so important for Generation Y. Because when I read Emily Gould’s experience, I recognize myself. And when someone reads what I wrote, they see themselves.

When we make one person’s struggle less than another, we put down our own struggle as unimportant. And it’s really important to figure out ourselves. If I’ve learned anything over the past year, it’s that people react most violently against what they fear the most. And people fear some weird stuff – success, happiness, failure, love. You know.

But if you don’t agree with that, and I wouldn’t expect everyone to, let me tell you something else. You can disagree without malice or hatred. You can disagree without judgment.

It’s this thing called respect.

And I think that’s a good starting point to building a meaningful life.

Hopeless. Romantic.

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Generation Y Men Women

Women will lead Generation Y – what will men do?

I really like alpha males – Hercules is the latest and perhaps greatest example in my line-up. Johannes is another. But these male leaders are not only a dying, but now an unnecessary breed.

Evolution from an industrial to a knowledge economy realizes the day of Hercules – known for strength, dominance, and authority – as fleeting. “Men could become losers in a global economy that values mental power over might,” Business Week argues. The age of force is over.

Issues of dependence and independence, dominance and subordination are largely irrelevant to how emerging young women see themselves, Harvard psychologist Dan Kindlon argues in his book Alpha Girls. “Generation Y is the first generation that is reaping the full benefits of the women’s movement,” he says. “Women corporate leaders blend feminine qualities of leadership with classic male traits.”

Gen Y women have both masculinity and feminity, developing as the best of both worlds. We balance the typically female feeling part of ourselves with the typically male thinking parts. We are powerful hybrids integrating “the intuitive and rational, the tender and hardheaded, the self-sacrificing and self-serving.”

We utilize a “transformational approach that focuses on building a team. The team approach is less hierarchal than the traditional business model. A girl’s primary goal is not to win but to maintain relationships,” Kindlon says.

The way of the alpha girl is the rallying cry for Generation Y. We disdain complex rules and authoritarian structures.

In contrast, men and boys “base their reasoning on how established rules or laws should be applied, rather than on the feelings of those affected by their decisions,” Kindlon reports. “Male children learn to put winning ahead of personal relationships or growth, to feel comfortable with rules, boundaries, and procedures.”

Men and boys with such personality types are not naturally in tune with other people’s feelings, a key to success in the new economy. Leadership that marshals and directs is often observed by young women as part of the dinosaur age.

Gen Y women will lead the new generation to positive and meaningful change. The ascent of women in the workforce will be unprecedented in history, and promises to have far-reaching implications.

We already see more women than men attaining bachelor’s degrees. In 2005, nearly 59 percent of undergraduates were granted to women. By 2050, it is projected that the degree gap will grow drastically.

Jobs are no different. Business Week reports, that “from last November through this April, American women aged 20 and up gained nearly 300,000 jobs, and American men lost nearly 700,000 jobs.” Research also shows that women who are in management make companies more profitable, even among the Fortune 500.

Roles traditionally filled by men – that of lawyers, doctors and managers – are seeing an influx of women. Other male-dominated industries such as manufacturing and construction seem to be perpetually in downturn, while women are found concentrated in upcoming and thriving industries such as education and healthcare.

As men are being hemorrhaged in blue-collar, white-collar, and gold-collar jobs, young women are picking up the slack, becoming both the providers and the glue for families.

The new economy is largely dominated by young women who have unique skills, not by men who have been taught to follow the rules.

“Men are less suited than women to the knowledge economy, which rewards supposedly female traits such as sensitivity, intuition, and a willingness to collaborate,” reports Peter Coy in Business Week. “Men have tended to do better in the hierarchies, following orders and relying on positional power.”

Young men then, seemingly devoid of the meaning and opportunities that once defined them, are left in a prolonged state of adolescence. And this limbo doesn’t bring out the best in young men, columnist Kay Hymowitz argues.

“Men feel threatened by female empowerment,” Hymowitz states in one theory, “and in their anxiety, they cling to outdated roles.”

Today’s young men are “following the line of Peter Pan, ‘I don’t want to grow up.’” Hymowitz argues. “Plus, who needs commitment when there is a fantasy football team league to dominate, the possibility that a gaming product better than the Xbox 360 could be on the horizon, and your live-in girlfriend will have sex with you whenever you want?”

Young men today “suffer from a proverbial fear of commitment,” and this may be the biggest problem – “a tendency to avoid not just marriage but any deep attachments,” leading to a life that is as empty of passion as it is of responsibility, Hymowitz says. For the contemporary guy, it’s “easy to fill your days without actually doing anything.”

The solution? Not a new career, but marriage. Marriage, she says, turns boys into men.

Kindlon agrees. Married men are more successful in work, getting promoted more often and receiving higher performance appraisals than single men. Married men are much less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drinking heavily, driving dangerously, or using drugs. They are more likely to work regularly, help others more, and volunteer more. Married men also have better immune systems, and are half as likely not to commit suicide.

But women don’t need men like they need us.

“Marriage is generally more beneficial to men than women,” Kindlon reports. “Research found that women who stayed single in their lives seemed to have good mental health, while men who stayed single all their lives did not. Choosing to be single seems to be good for women but not so good for men.”

Role reversal.

This post also published at Brazen Careerist. 18 more comments, opinions and viewpoints there.

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Career Knowing yourself Leadership

How to step up and have anything but a normal career

You know, I get that change is hard. But it’s also inevitable. The world in which today’s young “will make choices and compose lives is one of disruption rather than certainty,” argues this report.

Indeed, when I started my current job, there was much disruption. In the beginning, it was the challenge of transitioning from being an employee to running an organization. Of being lonely. Of complete work/life distortion.

And when I say challenge, I am being polite, because what I really mean is not all unlike the walk of shame after a particularly rowdy and untoward night of college drinking. That is, what exactly did I get myself in to?

Lately, it’s been an entirely different type of challenge – that of being in limbo because the responsibility and possibility of it all paralyzes me more than I’m willing to admit.

Because, really, given the opportunity to change the world, would you take it? We all think we would, but it is so very hard to look in the face of what you truly want and take it. It is so very hard to fight the war of what really matters.

So Generation Y isn’t always stepping up. And those that do, often think about stepping right back down. Because unless you’re in the fight to make change, it’s difficult to know how ridiculously hard it is. I thought that this might have just been me, that maybe I’m just not cut out for all this leadership change stuff. But I recently met with a thirty-one year old vice-president. She told me no, we’re all neurotic. Really. Neurotic was her word.

“This next year will probably be one of your hardest,” she said. “But you know and I know, once you’ve tasted this, you can’t turn back.”

I think about her words on the days that I don’t want to strategize, or build encampments, or be so obsessed with seeing a CEO or colleague or client on the street that I spend fifteen minutes trying to look vaguely presentable before going to Walgreens just to buy some toilet paper. Really. Some days, I just want to buy toilet paper in peace. Some days, I just want to be normal.

“Being normal,” Hercules replied, “gets you a middle-class life in the suburbs. It’s fifth place, and you know you want to be in first.” All successful people then are understandably eccentric. They take risks that normal people wouldn’t.

There’s this thing about risks though. It’s easy to sign up, but it’s the follow-through that’s hard, the follow-through that decides your character.

Like when I went skydiving two weeks ago (here and here). I wasn’t nervous. Honestly. They tell you to get nervous because if you’re not, you’ll freak out when the door opens at twelve thousand feet. So I was trying to be nervous, but I just wasn’t.

But in skydiving, eventually the plane does fly up to twelve thousand feet, and the door does open. When that happened, my tandem instructor put my hand out into the wind. “That’s not so bad, is it?” he asked. No, I nodded; it wasn’t so bad. I was a rockstar, invincible to anything and everything. I was a rockstar, that is, until we moved to the edge of the plane and I had to put one foot out into the air. It was then that I thought oh, holy crap, I can’t do this. What have I gotten myself into?

That’s the moment, see. Where you have to muster strength from somewhere you didn’t know you had. The moment where you face all your fears. It’s only a split-second in skydiving. Literally. A split-second where you decide if you’re going to smile or cry. Move forward or turn back. Jump or freak out.

When you’re pushing adulthood, however, it can last months. It’s easy to say you’re going to do something. It’s easy to be eager with words. Actions are much harder. That pesky day in and day out stuff.

Like putting down the potato chips and going to the gym. Or not taking things personally when it would be so easy to join the fray. Or putting down your guard, opening yourself up, and then – and this may be even more difficult – letting someone else in.

“It’s the hardest thing in the world, to do what we want,” this character says. “And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want. Because it’s such a big responsibility – really to want something.”

Oh, and in case you were wondering… I jumped. With a smile on my face.

Risk normalcy.

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Piles, not files

Piles, not files

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Career Knowing yourself Self-management

Don’t make career plans – here’s why

I thought something would happen the last week of March, but what was supposed to happen didn’t.

See, I was supposed to figure out who the man of my dreams was this past week. Stop laughing. This is serious business. Last year, I felt overwhelmingly that this would happen in March or April, and as time went on, I began to believe that it would happen in the last week of March.

I told a couple people about this craziness – my mother, Belle, Hercules. They all humored me while explaining in a good-natured way that I shouldn’t count on it.

You can’t plan for things like this, they said. You can’t plan for love.

Fine, I told them. But I went ahead and had drinks with every eligible bachelor I knew. Just in case. Then I waited for fireworks.

Nothing.

Okay, so you can’t plan love. And you can’t plan for your career any better.

When you stick to a plan, you miss out on opportunities. Besides, you’re only in control of yourself. You may have goals, but unless you’re ruthless with yourself and who you are – your abilities, your strengths, your weaknesses – you’re not going to get anywhere.

For instance, I had drinks with Johannes last week. He’s been planning one particular career path for a number of years now and found out recently that he didn’t get the job he really wanted. He got another great job, but it wasn’t the one he had put on the map he carried around and relied upon. Understandably, he was pretty despondent.

This was probably you when you realized that you would never use your degree. Or when you found out you couldn’t have children. Or when you started your dream job, the one that paid you large sums of money, and you looked outside your corner office with a view and realized you’d rather be a musician.

That’s the thing about life. It doesn’t really care about your plans. So you can chart all the courses you want, but it’s much better to just be prepared and flexible for the opportunities that come your way.

Like Sunday, when I shot a gun. Um, yeah.

If you know me at all, you know how ridiculous this is. And my mother is probably having a heart attack right now. But mom, it’s okay. I was very safe.

I’ve never believed that people should own guns. In England, they don’t allow people to own guns, and there’s virtually no gun-related crime. Seems easy enough to me. So I’ve always thought that owning a gun was downright stupid. Or I did. Until my friend drove us to a shooting ground, taught me the rules of gun safety, and I pulled the trigger. I actually even hit the target several times.

Do you know how exhilarating it is to try new things? To take risks and do something you never thought you would?

That’s why it’s so necessary not to hold onto your plans, opinions, and beliefs with such strictness that you can’t change and adapt, and with such fear that you don’t live your life.

You know, I was never going to be the person I am today. I was going to be the next William McDonough. I was going to be the next Samuel Mockbee. And well, I’ve always wanted to be Oprah. And maybe someday I will be. But I’m pretty glad life got in the way of my plans.

In summary, to rock your life and your career:

1) Focus on the now.
2) Like plans, love change.
3) Take risks.
4) Repeat.

In the meantime, I’m accepting that maybe I’m just not ready for a relationship. Or maybe the person that I like isn’t ready. Or maybe we’re not meant to be together. Whatever. The point is, I’m done worrying about it. And I’m ready for today.

Love it like you mean it.

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Career Generation Y Women Workplace

Gen Y women – out of the workplace woods?

Here’s the thing. I work with a lot of men. During phone calls, I speak with men. For meetings, I sit down with men. At networking events, more men walk in the door than women. In particular, at entrepreneurial events there are lots and lots of men, and just one or two women.

And guess what? I could care less.

Sort of. Because not immediately, but always eventually I notice there are fewer women than men in my life. And then, inevitably, I feel that it’s necessary to say something like, “Where are my women at?” I don’t know why such words fly out of my mouth because I feel comfortable around these men. They’re good guys. But there’s this undercurrent that just doesn’t feel right.

Monica O’Brien calls this casual sexism, and basically tells us to shut up about it, play by the rules and move on. Which is good advice. It’s the path that’s gotten me where I am today.

Indeed, this month’s issue of Portfolio observes that nobody wants to talk about it because most people think there’s nothing to discuss.

Generation Y women in particular are growing up believing they don’t have to worry about sexism. In college I certainly didn’t feel there were inequalities.

It was only a few months after graduation that I learned otherwise. Somehow I had finagled my way onto the Board of a local nonprofit, and the rest of the Board was comprised of men. Older men who didn’t listen to me. There was one woman who joined our meetings by teleconference; she was pregnant and bed-ridden. And those meetings always made me a little indignant.

Like when I read advice that tells me I have to get married and have babies before I’m thirty. I guess it’s smart advice, but it doesn’t resonate with me. I don’t feel that my entire life needs to be managed around having a baby, because I don’t feel that my sole purpose in life is to have a baby.

But it seems that because women are different, being built to have babies and all, that our success isn’t the same as the success of men.

For example, when one of the top alpha females in my area personally called me last week to congratulate me on a recent success, I was ecstatic. I told Hercules all about it, and he said to me, “That’s great. But you know, she’s really not all that smart.”

And I took what he fed me, because I respect Hercules and I like him a lot. But then, do you know what I did after that? Each time I told the story, I added that clause to the end. That this wonderful, well-respected woman who personally called me might not be that smart in reality. What?!

That belittles her success and it belittles mine. It’s casual sexism at its best.

This is what Gen Y women are dealing with. And it may be entirely more dangerous than outright discrimination since it seeps quietly into our minds and then out of our mouths. That sucks.

Because while we may not be marching for our rights any longer, we’re still debating whether pantsuits are unfeminine and men like Jun Loayza now think it’s charming to ask if we were “a little crazy as an undergrad.”

We’re not out of the woods yet.

Gen Y women will have to breed an entirely different form of feminism to deal with this. I don’t have the answer here, because I often feel conflicted. I genuinely enjoy being a woman. In my view, I want to wear the dresses and have the power. Only time will tell if I can have it all.

Working girl.

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Bottled dreams

Bottled dreams